His “Shut up” caught me off guard.
I blinked. “Don’t tell me to shut up. I want to tell you something.”
He suddenly dropped our hands, smiled, and took a step away. “I got something for you.”
“You got me flowers?” I asked.
He shook his head as he set them on the counter beside me. “No, they’re from Karina.”
I smiled at the thought of her sending flowers. I’d have to send her a text later to say thank you.
“I did get you something, and someone else sent you something too.”
I couldn’t help but narrow my eyes. “Who?”
Ivan smiled. “Patty.”
“Who is Patty?”
His smile drooped. “That teenager at the LC you stood up for. The one who looks just like you and is really outgoing?”
“Oh.” Her. I hadn’t realized we looked alike. “She sent me something?” Why?
“A card.”
Huh. “She didn’t have to do that.”
“No, she didn’t, but she found me the day before we left and begged me to give it to you,” he said. “But I got you something too. It’s not the souls of everyone that has ever pissed you off, but….”
That had me shutting my mouth. For all of a second.
“I was going to give it to you after, but I think I should give it to you now.”
I pressed my lips together and asked slowly, “What is it?” as he turned to his giant rolling suitcase and dug his hand into large pocket on the outside of it.
“I thought we were past you thinking I’m going to randomly kill you.”
“I don’t think we’ll ever be past that.”
Ivan laughed with his back to me. “My plan is to kill you after worlds. Get it right.”
“I’ll write it down in my calendar then. Thank you for the warning.”
His head shook as he yanked his hand out of the pocket, holding something wrapped in tissue paper and something else in a white envelope.
“I was kind of expecting a scorpion, but I don’t think you’d put your own life in danger to kill me.”
“Shut up, I’ll put the card here for you to read later,” he murmured again, amusement in his voice as he turned to face me. “Let me see your hand.”
I held out my right hand, but he smacked it gently down. So I raised the other one. I watched as he set the tissue-paper-wrapped thing on the counter and took my wrist with both of his big hands. He tugged the sleeve of my costume up about three inches on my forearm, exposing the bracelet I always wore. I had tightened the leather straps on it that morning so I could wear it under my costume, like I normally did.
I didn’t think much of it until his thumb brushed over the slim metal plate held on by the leather straps I’d had to replace once a year since I’d originally gotten it made when I was twelve at a fair. To Jasmine. From your best friend, Jasmine was engraved on it. My mom had rolled her eyes when she’d paid for it. I’d showed her the documentary about another figure skater I admired who had worn the same thing. She had been amazing for her time, competitive and had never given a single fuck what other people thought about her. I thought she had been the shit, but mostly, she thought she was the shit.
It had always been my reminder that I had to believe in myself.
And I’d been wearing it proudly since.
But Ivan’s fingers went to the straps I had just retied, and he began undoing the tiny knot with those long, graceful fingers. I wanted to ask him what the hell he was doing and why he was taking it off, but… I trusted him. So, I kept my mouth shut as he pulled it off and set it on the counter beside the tissue-wrapped whatever it was.
Okay.
He grabbed the thing off the counter in the same move and opened the tissue paper, pulling out something that looked almost identical. A sliver of metal with a leather band around it. Except the leather was bright pink.
“I don’t want you to get nervous tonight,” he started to say as he held the bracelet in one hand, his eyes on me.
I switched back and forth between looking at him and the thing in his hand. “I’m not nervous.”
He snickered. “Fine, you’re not nervous. But I want you to know that regardless of what happens today and tomorrow, it doesn’t matter, Meatball.”
And that had me snapping my head up to look him in the eye. The fuck was he talking about? “Of course it matters.”
“No, it doesn’t,” he insisted. “It’s just a competition. If we win or lose, it doesn’t change anything.”
What the hell did he mean by anything?
Ivan took my hand with the one not holding the bracelet and rubbed his thumb over the back of my wrist. “I’m not going to be mad. I’m not going to be disappointed. I hope you’re not either.”
I watched him carefully but didn’t say anything.
His jaw moved, and his eyelids hung low over those spectacular eyes as he asked, “Will you?”
“Be disappointed if we don’t win?”
I didn’t like the nod he gave me.
But I thought about his words for one tiny moment. Would I be disappointed if I fucked up or if he fucked up and everything went to shit and we ended up in sixth place tonight and tomorrow? Would I be furious like I had been in the past?
“No.” I wouldn’t. “You’d be in sixth place with me. I wouldn’t be alone. If I’m going to fail, at least we’d do it together,” I whispered, this funny fucking feeling going over my body.
It felt like… it felt like relief. Like acceptance. And it was the second single most beautiful thing I had ever felt in my life.
Second to loving this idiot and my family.
And that had to be the right fucking answer he was looking for because the smile that came over his face was the best one he’d ever shared with me yet. “Give me back your wrist, you little shit,” he ordered, beaming that smile that I wished with all my heart was mine and only mine.
And except for his dogs and his pig and his bunny, it might very well be.
So I gave him my wrist.
And I watched as he tied the pink leather straps together, tight but not too tight, and left the bracelet up high on my arm like I’d had the other one, in the perfect spot to be hidden by the sleeve of my costume. He’d barely finished the knot when I brought my forearm to my face and read the tiny inscription on the metal.
To Meatball
From your best friend, Ivan
And in the time it took me to read the metal plate about four times, Ivan had already tied my bracelet to his own wrist.
But it didn’t fit under his sleeve.
And when he smiled at me, I knew he didn’t even care.
Chapter 23
“I don’t usually give Ivan pep talks before he skates, Jasmine, but I can give you one if you need it,” Coach Lee offered as we stood in the tunnel off to the side of the ice, as the team on the ice started their short program.
I didn’t turn to look at her from my spot in front of Ivan and beside her. I was looking around at the crowd in the stands, keeping my breathing steady, my nerves in check. I felt calm. Calmer than I could ever remember. “I’m okay.”
Because everything would be fine one way or the other. Like Ivan had said. It wasn’t going to be the end of the world if things went to shit.
But I still hoped they didn’t.
“Are you sure?” Coach Lee asked.
I didn’t glance at her, knowing she was watching the pair performing too, as I shook my head and said, “Positive. Pep talks just psych me out.” I did glance at her that time. “But thanks for offering.”
The two hands that had been on my shoulders from the moment we’d come to wait for our turn, kneaded my traps loosely. Ivan’s body was so close behind me, I could feel the heat radiating off him. We’d killed the last three hours, stretching and stretching more, then running through the program in the hall with headphones on, only doing a handful of lifts to gain confidence even though we’d done them a thousand times over the last eight months.
We were as good as we could be with everything that had happened before this.
We were going to try our best, and there was nothing more we could ask for.
“Your mom just waved at me,” Ivan whispered into my ear before lifting a hand off my shoulder and more than likely waving it.
I had never looked for my family before I skated. It had always made me feel more pressure knowing they were there. I didn’t even check my phone for hours before a competition. I wanted to be focused.
But the mention of my mom, who I hadn’t seen since she’d arrived to Lake Placid the night before, had me looking up and around.
Ivan’s hand went up beside my head, and he pointed to the right. Sure enough, I recognized the redhead standing, waving her arms over her head like a crazy person. I also recognized the dark-skinned man on one side of her, the other redhead on her other side, Sebastian’s auburn hair, and—
There was a man his exact height standing beside him. Darker-haired, not as light-skinned. On the other side of that man was Jojo’s unmistakable fat head and big ears, James’s medium-brown hair, and a black-haired couple that had to be the Lukovs.
It was my dad.
It was my fucking dad sitting there.