I’m okay, Brooks.
He stood up from the bed and started to walk out of the bedroom, but Daddy cleared his throat. “I think it might be okay for Brooks to join us for a bit of ice cream.”
“Eric,” Mama protested, but Daddy placed a comforting hand on her shoulder.
“That is, only if Maggie thinks it’s okay,” he finished, looking at me.
Brooks’ eyes shot up to me, filled with hope, and there was no way I could say no to him. He listened to my silence, after all. After I agreed, we all put on our shoes and headed to the front of the house. As everyone walked outside, I paused in the doorway.
My mind grew panicked and my chest tightened. What if he was still out there? What if he was waiting for me? What if he was waiting to hurt me? Or was hurting someone else, or…?
“Maggie,” Mama said, staring my way. She raised an eyebrow. “Come on, honey.”
I tried my best to step out of the house. I tried my best to move forward, but the panic was overwhelming. Each time my mind told me to move forward, I somehow stepped backward.
“What are you doing?” Calvin asked, looking at me as if I’d lost my mind.
Everyone was staring at me like that.
Had I?
Had I lost my mind?
I can hear him shushing me, I thought to myself. He can see me. He can hurt me.
I stepped backward farther and farther, and I ran into a wall, which made me jump with fright. I couldn’t go outside. It wasn’t safe out there. I knew it wasn’t, and all I ever wanted to feel was safe.
The world was scary, and I had more fear than strength lately.
“Come on, Maggie,” Cheryl groaned. “You’re ruining it for all of us.”
Mama pinched Cheryl’s arm. “Knock it off, Cheryl Rae!”
She was right, though. I was ruining it for everyone. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I backed up another step and before I knew it, my feet took off, running back to my parents’ bedroom. It was the safest place I knew, and I wasn’t sure how to leave. Crawling under their blankets, my body shook violently. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t shut out all the noises in my head. I couldn’t shut off my brain.
When the blankets moved, I gripped the edges, fighting to keep him out. He found me, he found me.
Relief rushed through me as I met Daddy’s eyes. My stare was wide and panicked, and I could almost feel the worry dancing off his skin. He climbed under the blankets and sat beside me. I couldn’t stop trembling.
Shh…
Shhh…
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The devil’s sounds poisoned my memories. Every thought I had was followed by the memory of his shushing noises attached to them. I couldn’t leave the house. If I did, he’d see me. I couldn’t speak. If I did, he’d hear me.
“We’ll figure this out, Maggie,” Daddy said, wrapping me into his arms. “No matter what, we’re gonna fix this.”
It was the first time Daddy had ever lied to me.
When he stood up to go speak to Mama in the hallway, I pulled the covers tighter around me. I couldn’t stop my trembles from taking over as I listened to Mama speak her deepest fears. “What if she never comes back from this? What if she’ll never be herself again? What will people think? What will people say?”
“Since when do we care what people say?”
“Always, Eric. We always care what people think of us.”
It was the first time I’d ever felt a crack in the foundation of my parents’ love.