They were the same ones, the same shape and color I’d been looking at whenever I stared in a mirror.
He took one more step toward me, and I felt Caelan’s hand tighten around my waist as he leaned to block me. “That’s fooking close enough,” my mate said with menace to Conor.
“It’s okay,” I said and looked at my mate to give him the reinsurance I knew he needed. “I’m okay. I need to do this.”
Caelan glanced at me. I knew he wanted to argue by the hard set of his jaw. But he didn’t say a word, just stayed put and let me be the one to move forward.
I watched as Conor’s nostrils flared, and then his eyes widened even more, so much so that all I saw was white. I didn’t have to be anything but human to know he was shocked.
“But ye have my eyes. Ye carry my scent in yer blood.”
And then his expression turned anguished as he let his big body sink to the ground, his knees slamming onto the wooden porch, the action so profound I actually felt the vibrations down to my soul.
One thing was very clear as I looked at my biological father.
He had no idea about me.
33
Darragh
Conor hadn’t taken his eyes off me. Not once. Not when he was answering questions from Banner or Caelan. Not when he’d been telling bits and pieces of the story, or what he’d been doing this whole time living off the grid.
My father looked at me as if I were a ghost. He looked at me as if he was seeing someone he’d lost long ago.
And maybe to him, I was the living memory of all he could have had if things had been different.
And I could tell the attention Conor gave me pissed Caelan off. My mate was in protective mode right now, knowing this moment was painful for me, and he placed the blame solely on Conor.
“You never knew about me.” I didn’t say it as a question, and I hadn’t meant to say the words out loud either. When Conor cleared his throat and shook his head, I felt this tightening in my chest.
“I never knew she was pregnant.” He ran a hand over his face again, his eyes looking distant and lost. “Yer mother, Mara, was on vacation with her parents when the Linking Connection took root in me. I hadn’t told her what I was, no’ at first at any rate, which was a betrayal on my part, I admit. I was afraid tae scare her off, that I’d lose her when I’d just found her.” He shook his head and got this faraway look in his eyes. “Even though I would have followed her anywhere, I was still terrified that she’d see me as nothing more than a monster.” He flicked his gaze to mine and murmured quickly, as if uncomfortable saying these things to me. “But then… once I claimed her and she found out what I truly was—found out I wasn’t human—it scared her tae the point she said she wanted nothing tae do with me.” He exhaled and leaned back in the small wooden chair, scrubbing a hand over his cheek, the sound of his palm scraping over the scruff seeming loud in the small interior.
I looked around the cottage to distract myself from the heavy atmosphere suffocating me. His home seemed like it was from another time. There was no electricity, and I assumed there wasn’t any running water either. Everything was so minimalistic. Barren.
As I looked back at the man who’d fathered me, I knew he’d been barely living after losing his mate.
“How could you have just let her run away? After everything I’ve heard about Lycans and the Otherworld, I thought it was impossible to just… stay away?” I shrugged, wanting to fully understand. I didn’t want to blame this man for not having been there for me. I didn’t need to blame my mother for being afraid.
I just wanted to understand.
It took him a long moment to answer, his gaze never leaving mine. “She hated me for no’ telling her who and what I was from the very beginning. Mara told me if I came after her, she’d kill herself.”
I gasped, lifting my hand to cover my mouth.
“She knew what she meant to me, knew I could never cause her suffering or pain.” He shook his head slowly and closed his eyes for a minute. “The very thought of her not being in this world is an anguish I can still feel tae this day.” He cleared his throat again, and I could see he was getting emotional.
There were a few throats being cleared and the sound of shuffling feet on the scarred wooden floor. I could tell this talk of losing mates was something that was heavy with males of the Otherworld, even unmated ones, it seemed.