“But you’re having second thoughts?”
Tears filled her eyes, and she shook her head. Her lips pressed firmly together almost as if she couldn’t stand the thought of talking.
“Tell me, Ava.”
“Why did you do it, Smokey? Why did you put me through that?”
The break in her voice undid him.
“I’ve only known betrayal.”
“From everyone else. Not from me. I was good to you. I loved you.”
He heard the past tense, but he refused to believe it. Even as her words broke apart his entire world, he stared into her eyes, refusing to allow himself to back down.
“I can make you love me again.”
She laughed. “Smokey, you hurt me.”
“I know. You think I don’t hate myself for what I did to you? You think I don’t wake up wondering where the hell you are, wishing you were in my bed, and knowing I did this? I can’t stand the thought of being away from you, Ava.”
“We’re a mess, Smokey. We’re supposed to be having a baby, and now we’ve had sex.” She pressed a hand to her forehead.
“Don’t overthink it. This means we’ve still got something between us. This means we have hope.”
“But I don’t want to have hope.” The tears fell from her eyes. She looked utterly heartbroken. “I want to have a life filled with love and devotion. I don’t want to be second best. I just got out of a marriage where I wasn’t even that. I was used for everything he could get and tossed aside like I was a piece of trash, and it was all my fault. I can’t do that again. I won’t.”
“I won’t do that to you.”
“Smokey, you’ve always said the club comes first. It will always come first. I’m not going to compete with that. We’ll share this baby and maybe friendship with time, but I don’t think we should even consider having anything else between us. It would hurt way too much.”
He wanted to deny it. To tell her she was making a big mistake, but she wasn’t.
He’d done this.
Slowly, he eased out of her, but he didn’t run off. Smokey picked her up in his arms and carried her toward the bathroom. From there, he ran a bath. He had no intention of joining her. All he wanted to do was give her some pleasure and to show her what she meant to him.
With Ava, he was going to have to prove he’d be there always. Ugly Beast was able to prove it with Abriana. He didn’t see why he couldn’t have the same thing with Ava. Time. It was all he needed.
Helping her into the bath, he grabbed soap and a sponge, lathering it up.
“Smokey, you don’t need to do this.”
He put the sponge to her body and began to wash her. “I do. It’s what I want to do.” He ran the sponge all over her body, taking care of her the best way he knew how. After her body was clean, he took care of her hair, rubbing the shampoo in, washing it all out, then the conditioner.
This was why Ava was different. He wanted to do this with her. To take care of her. To love her. He’d never taken the time to truly care for any other woman, but Ava was different. She would always be so to him.
One day, he hoped she realized how much.
Chapter Eighteen
“Man, this storm is freaky,” Harlow said.
Ava agreed, walking from behind the counter to see about eight inches of snow already on the ground, and it was getting thicker fast. “I didn’t even know a storm was forecast.”
“Yep.” Harlow folded her arms. “I’m not going to lie to you, but I really want to go and build a snowman.”
She chuckled. “When you get home?”
“Totally.” She sighed. “My brothers all say I’m a big kid at heart. It’s true. I don’t see the reason to completely grow up just yet.”
“Of course not. Growing up is for losers.” Ava offered her friend a smile. Over the past several weeks, she’d gotten close to Harlow. The other woman was such a sweetheart. She’d even had a couple of sleepovers with Harlow. The woman could talk, and it was nice to have the company. Of course, Smokey still stayed outside for as long as he could. The nights were getting colder, and she wasn’t a bitch. The need to make him suffer lessened when he was in real danger, liking dying of the intense cold.
She had no choice but to open her door and let him in. She’d given him extra blankets and a pillow.
Ava never stuck around to hear him making up the bed downstairs. Ever since their … one sexual encounter, they hadn’t spoken about it, nor had there been a repeat. The furniture for the baby had arrived and was waiting to be assembled. Smokey had been too busy with club stuff to have the time to do it.