He’s already thrown up his defenses, but I have to try to get through to him. Now. If I leave him alone tonight, he’ll work up a wall of fury and despair so thick I might never crack through it.
“Please, listen to me, Jake,” I plead softly, stopping several feet from his perch. “I know you’re hurting right now, but I—”
He laughs, a brittle sound that makes me shiver harder. “I’m not hurting. I’m sick to my stomach. And angry. And disgusted. With both of you. And that’s never going to change.”
“Jake, I—”
“Fuck off, Naomi. It’s over.”
My eyes widen, but I don’t waver. “No, I will not. And you’re not going to scare me away. You mean too much to me.”
He sighs, his shoulders hunching. “Just leave. Please.”
“I can’t,” I say. “Not until I convince you that none of this matters.”
He swings his legs back onto the bridge and turns to me, his entire body vibrating with rage. “You slept with my brother, for fuck’s sake, you think that doesn’t—”
“What? No! I didn’t sleep with Jamison. No way,” I protest, resisting the urge to take a step back. No matter how angry he is, Jake would never hurt me. “Surely he didn’t say that because we didn’t. Not even close.”
“He said you spent the night together before you left town,” he growls.
“Yes, we spent the night together,” I say, the hope that this might be smoothed over more easily than I imagined sparking to life inside me. At least part of this seems like a huge misunderstanding. “I met him at the hunting cabin to give him a letter. For you. We fought and then ended up getting really drunk. I honestly can’t remember every detail of what happened next, but it wasn’t anything like that. We’re both positive all we did was pass out in the same bed and then wake up feeling like shit.”
“I’m not interested.” Jake turns to brace his hands on top of the bridge, staring out at the tracks. “It doesn’t matter if you slept with him.”
“What? Of course, it does,” I say, my voice catching. “There’s a huge difference between—”
“You spent your last night in town in bed with my brother and then you lied to me about it for fifteen years.” He shakes his head, his jaw clenching as he ducks his chin to his chest. “If you can’t see that that’s a betrayal of trust, I don’t know what to tell you.”
“Please. I didn’t mean to betray you, Jake. I just didn’t see the point in telling you something that would serve no purpose except to hurt you,” I say, stepping closer. “What happened with Jamison was a dumb mistake I made when I was a stupid kid. But I’m not a kid anymore, and I would never do anything like that again. Obviously. It seriously has no bearing on anything that’s happening now between us.”
“There is no us,” he says as I stop beside him. He’s still refusing to look at me, his gaze glued to the tracks stretching away into the distance.
“You don’t mean that.” I can sense the rage pouring off him, but I reach out to rest gentle fingers on his shoulder anyway.
“Fine.” He spins, brushing my hand away as he moves. “If you won’t leave, then I will.”
He starts past me, but I grab his arm and hold on tight. “But what about not letting the bumps in the road steal the joy?” I ask, my voice creeping higher as he tries to pull away. “What about that whole speech you gave me last week? This isn’t even a bump in the road, Jake. Can’t you see that? This is nothing. I know your pride is hurt, but really—”
“You don’t know anything.” His fingers wrap around my wrist, but I don’t let go.
“Please, if you’ll just stop and—”
“What if I was with Maddie?” he asks, the question throwing me off balance. “What if I’d spent my last night in town with her in my arms, holding her all night long, and then I’d kept it from you for fifteen years? Would you still think it was no big deal?”
I hesitate. Jamison hadn’t held me, we’d been blackout drunk, but still…Jake has a point. And he deserves an honest answer. “I don’t know,” I say. “On the one hand I would absolutely believe you if you both said nothing happened. But…I’d still be hurt that you hadn’t told me. And that you’d spent your last night with her instead of me.” I pause before adding in a softer voice, “And I’d probably feel like a fool.”
“Not a fool, a child,” he says, his voice vibrating with emotion. “But I am not a child incapable of handling things I don’t want to hear, Naomi. And I’m not some fragile fucking flower you and Jamison had to protect.”