“Definitely not,” he says, before adding in a softer voice, “They need to hurry and open that megaplex movie theater so people have something else to do at night.”
I laugh. “I don’t know. I’d rather do you than a movie.”
He grins. “Oh yeah? So you might want to get in on the procreating?”
I bite my lip, some of my happy tingles fading. I certainly hadn’t planned on having this conversation tonight, but Jake and I are getting in deeper with every passing day. It looks like we’re actually going to have a future together and the “what about kids?” conversation has to happen sooner or later.
“I’d like to,” Jake adds gently. “But if you don’t want to talk about—”
“No, it’s fine, I just…” I trail off, my gaze dropping to his chest as I add, “How would you feel about adopting instead?”
He slips his arm around my waist. “Well, I’d like to try for a biological child, I think, but if that doesn’t work out, adopting sounds like a great option.”
I peek up at him through my lashes. “Yeah?”
“Absolutely.”
“Oh good,” I say, some of the tension easing from my shoulders. But I have to tell him the rest of it before we can really put this subject to bed. “Because my um…” I pull in a bracing breath, reminding myself that this is Jake, and I can trust him with hard things. He’s obviously no stranger to pain or loss. “My doctors said it would be difficult for me to carry a baby to term. I lost my little girl when I was five months along the last time, and I…” I suck in more air. “I don’t know if I can go through that again. And I can’t see the point in risking it, especially when there are so many kids who need a mom and love and a family.”
He nods, his eyes serious and sad as he cups my face in his hand. “I understand, and I agree. No point in risking a baby’s life, or yours. I’m so sorry you lost your little girl. That had to be…so hard.”
I nod, blinking away the sting at the back of my eyes. “Thanks, it was. But I’m doing better lately. It doesn’t hurt quite as much anymore, you know?”
“I do,” he says. “I’m finally at a place where I can think about Jenny and feel happy remembering her instead of miserable that she’s gone.”
I nod and nibble the inside of my bottom lip. We haven’t talked much about Jenny, not since that afternoon at The Horse and Rider, but I can’t deny that his former wife has been in my thoughts.
And my fears.
“What’s wrong?” he asks, reading me the way he always does.
“I don’t know,” I say with a shrug. “I feel like you and I…. Well, we just…fit, you know? The way we always did, but even better than before.”
“I agree,” he says. “So…”
“So, if Jenny hadn’t passed, then us, this second chance, would never have happened. It makes me feel so guilty sometimes, like I’m…stealing from her or something. Is that crazy?”
Jake smiles. “Totally bonkers.”
I roll my eyes. “Well, that’s helpful.”
“Oh, come on, you know I didn’t—”
“I know, it’s fine. I just feel silly.” I try to step out of his arms, but he holds on until I relax against him again.
“Don’t be embarrassed. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to brush you off, I just…” He glances up at the pink-and-blue-streaked sky above us, taking a beat before he adds, “I’ve never believed that things happen for a reason. There’s too much pointless suffering in the world for me to buy into that. But since last Friday, when I finally had the strength to stop hiding from what I wanted… From you…” He glances back down, his eyes so warm and full of emotion it makes mine start to sting again. “I’ve been so happy, and I know Jenny would want that. I will always love her and treasure the years we had together, but she wouldn’t want me to go without love for the rest of my life. She’d be glad I found you again.”
I sniff and blink faster. “That’s beautiful. And when you put it that way… Well, I’d want the same. If I couldn’t love my person anymore, I’d want someone else to love them for me.”
His lips lift at the edges. “Exactly. Life can be full of dark times and things that knock us off our feet, but there are good times, too, and gifts along the way. We shouldn’t turn our backs on the good stuff just because we’ve been knocked down once or twice, or because some of the people we love aren’t here anymore.”
I lift a hand, cupping his face in my palm. “You are a wonderful human and I feel very lucky that I get to love you.”