I know you, he wrote, seeing her expression. Don’t dig into my past. I’ll tell you some other time.
“When?”
Dixon shrugged. One day.
Lila shook her head. “I don’t know if I can promise that, Dixon. I’ve seen the marks on your back and your tongue. How does a highborn man end up like that, much less a slave?”
Try? For me?
“I still don’t understand why you kissed me like that. Twice now. That wasn’t a kiss bet
ween friends, Dixon.”
No, it was a kiss between highborns. He pointed back to the top. Jealousy is a powerful motivator.
“For what? Whose jealously?”
Tristan’s.
“So Tristan would be jealous of whom?”
Me. I can’t talk, but I’m not blind. He walks into a room, you look. You walk into a room, he looks. I’m tired of the looking and the fighting. Fuck already.
Lila coughed. “What the—”
Dixon pointed to fuck already.
Lila’s face grew warm. “Why would you even think—”
He pointed once more. I can’t talk, but I’m not blind. Jealously is a powerful motivator.
“Jealousy? If this was just about making Tristan jealous, why did you spend a year trying to figure out who I was?”
To see if you were worthy. Don’t worry. You passed that test. He paused for a moment, considering his words carefully before beginning again. You’ve been so busy that you’ve walled yourself off from men, and I bet you never even noticed. Someone had to wake you up.
Lila ignored the last bit. “It’s not like that with us. We can barely stand each other.”
He only fights because he doesn’t know how to ask for what he wants.
It was hard for Lila to understand that. She walked into rooms every moment of every day, not just asking, but demanding. She didn’t ask for obedience; she expected it from everyone around her. She placed those who did not offer it into two groups: those who should be demoted because they couldn’t handle authority, and those who were to be promoted, for they were intelligent enough to have better solutions than hers and fight for them. She tried to surround herself with the latter sort. She valued them. She needed them in her position. “That doesn’t make any sense.”
Slaves can’t ask. Dixon scratched out his words before beginning again. Slaves can ask, but they’ll never get. Not from the highborn. He’s okay with others, but with the highborn, he’s stuck in the past.
“I don’t—”
He told me you’re quitting. You’ll be gone soon. He’s running out of time. He’s still not asking for what he wants, and he’s being an idiot. So are you.
“Fuck you.”
He laughed. Yes, fuck. If you can’t stand him, then why are you blushing? Why do you look?
Lila ignored his question.
Dixon doodled on the side of the page for a few minutes before scrawling. He always lets me have what I want even when he wants it more.
“Why?”
Slave’s habit? Because he loves me? Sometimes he should love himself more, don’t you think?