Lila knew he wouldn’t. Haltingly, she told him about Senator Dubois, about how her investigation into his condition had led her to Rubio and how it had eventually led to Jewel, to Alex, and to her mother. She studied every little twitch of his mouth, every line in his eyes, checking for outrage or apathy.
She hated her suspended anger, this need for his confirmation of her own feelings.
“I can’t believe Jewel would do something so cruel. To take a man’s chance at children—a senator, no less.” He frowned and let out a heavy sigh. “Actually, I can believe it. I just don’t want to. Has Senator Dubois contacted you?”
“No. I don’t believe he’ll want me to do anything. He’s acting like those spouses, convinced the bruises don’t matter because their lover apologized.”
“You want to make his decision for him?”
“Are you implying that I’m like Jewel?”
“No, don’t be so defensive. What happened to Senator Dubois is repugnant, but your mother was right. This is the real world. Life isn’t always just, and even when it is, it isn’t just equally.”
“Jewel goes free, and Mother will get away with her part too. She had full knowledge of what would happen, and she didn’t lift a finger to stop it.”
“Can you prove it?”
Lila shook her head. “Ms. Wilson is probably in a mine somewhere, and Rubio is dead. How typical that the highborn go free when the lower classes—”
“Dr. Rubio wasn’t punished for helping Jewel. She was killed because she tried to murder you. And as for Ms. Wilson, she proved herself unworthy of working in the great house. It is a position that requires trust, and she lost yours. She should have been sent away for violence against you last month, anyway. I’m glad she’s gone. Is this why you’ve turned your back on the family?”
“I can’t live among them anymore, knowing what they are capable of. Can you blame me?”
“Your mother was right, you know. You do have a blind spot. You always have. She thought it only applied to Ms. Wilson, but it didn’t. You’ve always been blind to her and Jewel as well. You didn’t know how far Jewel would go, or how much your mother would ignore, so long as the family came out better in the end. Her lesson backfired.”
“How do you put up with her? You’re a good man, you—”
“I have other responsibilities. I have to let go of the little things if I want to act on the big ones.”
“Is Senator Dubois a little thing?”
“If he makes himself into one, then yes. You can’t lend him your outrage, Lila. He has to act on it himself.”
“That’s ridiculous.”
“That’s the only way anything will ever come of it, which is why you didn’t bring up charges against Jewel before you left.” He sipped his hot chocolate and studied her face. “You’re not going back there, are you?”
“Perhaps I should. I could do a great deal of good as prime. I could suck it up even if I hate it, even if I hate everyone in my whole damn family right now.”
“Except for Pax and Shiloh.”
Lila nodded.
“You know, there are a lot of ways that someone can do good. Things that don’t include the Randolphs. Now that you have your mark, you have more options.”
“What of the family?”
“You’re not worried about the family, and this isn’t about them. It never has been. It’s about you. What do you want, Lila?”
“What I wanted is gone,” Lila said, knowing she’d never be chief anymore, knowing she might never get Tristan back.
“Is it? Life is about what you want from it and what you can make of it. What can you make of your life now?”
“What a self-indulgent and irresponsible question. I can’t believe that’s coming out of your mouth.”
“You can’t make a difference if you don’t agree with the manner in which you make that difference. That’s what you’d have if you went back home. If you don’t want to fight your battles that way, then find a new way.”
“What battles?”