“Screw her. I don’t really care what she might appreciate right now.”
Dubois chuckled bitterly. “Yes, screw her. Screw your whole damn family.”
“Everyone except Pax and Shiloh. They’re good kids.”
“Yes, they are. You’re not so bad either when you aren’t being prickly.”
Lila nodded, uncertain of how to respond.
They sat in silence for several long moments.
“What do you want me to do?” Lila took her arms away and faced him, letting him recline into the couch.
“I don’t know, to be honest. I never thought she’d do anything like that to me. I know she loves me. I saw the change in her months ago. She always looked at me like I was just some guy, but one day, it was like fairy dust had been blown into her eyes.”
“She kept doing it anyway, Louis. Just because she’s in love with you now, doesn’t mean that she didn’t hurt you. It doesn’t mean she wouldn’t hurt you again. Let me bring her up on charges, then leave, and never look back.”
“It’s not that simple, Lila.”
“Why isn’t it?”
“Because I love her,” he said, a miserable smile pasted onto his face. “Even now. She knocked a hole in my stomach, but having her arrested? It won’t fill it.”
“What will?”
“Time.”
Lila stared at him disbelievingly. “You can’t be serious. You want to forgive her after what she’s done? You want to work things out with her? She didn’t wreck your car, Louis. She poisoned you. She turned you into a lab rat.”
The senator winced. “Don’t say it like that. She didn’t know what she was doing. She thought it would be reversible. It was only supposed to be until your mother changed her mind about her being prime. Then later she’d stop giving me the powder. We’d have a miracle child and start a family.”
“Does that sound as dumb and false to you as it does to me?”
“She’s going to donate some funding to Dr. Rodriguez. She said the lab is close to—”
“They aren’t close. She’s lying.”
“She’s trying to make it right. Doesn’t that count for anything?”
“No, she’s trying to throw money at the problem because that’s how our family solves everything. It’s not my place, but I don’t think you should want to work things out with her. That drug was completely untested on humans. It might have killed you or hurt you. She didn’t ask you to take the risk. She decided for you. She betrayed your trust. She could have done something like that to herself, but she chose to do it to you. In the process, she stole your future.”
“You’re thinking of your security office. She betrayed you too. I understand why you’d want revenge for that, but—”
“It has nothing to do with revenge. I know this is strange coming from me, but a baby means so much more than a job. She took that from you. How do you know that she won’t do it to you again? Or worse?”
“How do I know that the next one won’t? How do I know that I won’t regret pushing her out of my life before I gave her a chance to make amends? I need to think before I end things. I can’t lose anyone else today.”
And with that, Lila remembered that Dubois had no idea who La Roux truly was. To him, his cousin wasn’t a monster. He was beloved.
Lila tried to bring up La Roux but couldn’t. She couldn’t pretend sympathy for the man who’d tried to murder her. “Will you return to the senate after this season?”
“Perhaps I might keep my senate seat if I sell my soul, but Jewel’s probably already taken that from me as well. If you come forward with what you know, I don’t have a chance. They’ll know I’m seedless, and I’ll never earn a place in any senate again. On the other hand, if Jewel and I merely part, they might elect me for another year, then perhaps shuttle me off to some city in the country for another session or two. After I don’t produce an heir, they’ll guess at my situation. I’ll have to return to Bullstow, but at least I might do some good before I go.”
“You already have done a great deal of good
for Saxony. I’ve followed your career,” she said, squeezing his arm. “Every senator who doesn’t marry returns to Bullstow at some point for retraining. It’s not a failing to find another occupation.”
“I know. But I always thought I wouldn’t be put out to pasture for another decade. Then I met Jewel, and I thought my course had been set on a different star, but now a storm has thrown me overboard.” He shifted on the couch and studied her face. “Lila, I have to tell you something about my cousin—”