“Do I really want someone broken? I grew up with a broken mother, man, you remember. Sometimes Angel seems like she’ll get past it. But I don’t know if what I’m seeing is her or who th
ey made her into. And I dunno if she’ll get past it. I’m not even fucking making sense here.”
“I get it.”
Dare and the girls’ mother Annette was definitely broken. When she first started coming around, she tried to be sweet to me. She soon understood the life she married into and seemed to retreat into herself. She fell for my father and didn’t know what kind of life she’d bought. Despite having three kids with Pop, she acted like one of the staff instead of the lady of the house.
“What if her wanting me isn’t real, just a side-effect of her hero worship because I got her outta there and then it becomes obligation?” my brother pushed.
“Make it good for her so she won’t want anything else.”
“I’d hate to put myself out there when it could go sour,” he said.
“Better to have loved and lost and all that jazz, man…” I shrugged.
“Send me your counselor’s details, okay? I think it’d do her some good to talk to someone. I don’t know her backstory yet but I’m guessin’ therapy could be good.”
“Is it helping you?”
Fucked if I knew. Probably not. I wasn’t sure if I was gonna keep it up. “Still early days, man.”
“Yeah. Maybe we should all go. Get the Ferrano family discount.”
“You need me home, man? You’re dealing with a lot.”
“Naw, it’s all good. I thrive under pressure. You know me.”
“Yeah, I know you. I know that you’ll drown before you lower yourself to ask someone for a life preserver.”
He laughed. “Family trait.”
“Thinkin’ of coming back for a few weeks. While I’m there I can see about lightening your load. Maybe if I make a few appearances it’ll prevent red flags. You getting any bad vibes anywhere?”
“None. And it’s up to you, man. What do you think about goin’ to Thailand for that summit?”
“Dunno, bro. I am not bringing my girl there. No fucking way. I’m also not comfortable leaving her behind. So, I don’t know yet. We’re dealing with a few things here, too, so a trip home might be good. We can talk when I get there.”
“Yeah? Everything alright?”
“Not really. I’ll fill you in later. We’ll see what happens in the next few days.”
“Zack and I are meeting day after tomorrow to chat. He’s been doing more digging,” Dare said.
“Yeah; Ferrano has practically become the guy’s full-time job,” I said. Zack had come through repeatedly for us. If I was staying in ‘the life’ I’d have made him my head of security, told him to give up his other clients and be 100% focused on Ferrano Enterprises.
My brother and I said our goodbyes and at the end of the chat it was evident he was relieved I was planning on coming home.
He said he didn’t know if he was gonna keep the girl. I could tell he would definitely keep the girl.
I knew, first hand, what it was like for our father to present a woman as perfect for me and have him be right.
Once again, he was right.
But, fuck. Why did things fuck up so badly? I suddenly ached to talk to my fucking father and ask him why. Why the fuck did he make me do what I did?
I wanted to smash something. I wanted to kill somebody.