“They asked me if she could be their new mommy, and I don’t know how to handle that. I brought a woman into their lives, and they’ve fallen in love with her, and I’m sorry. I’m so damn sorry. I never want to replace you in their lives. Fuck, I don’t know what I’m doing.”
“Grayson?”
My eyes pop open, and I look around only to find Christine, Holly’s mom, standing next to me. She takes a seat on the ground and reaches for my hand.
“How did you know I was here?”
“Your mom.” She gives me a sad smile. “You know, my daughter loved you with all of her heart.”
“I know.” I nod. “I love her with all of mine.”
“I know you did, Grayson. There isn’t a doubt in my mind of the love that the two of you shared.”
“I messed up,” I confess. “The girls, they’re asking about Laken being their new mom. I’m so sorry, Christine. I promise you I never wanted to replace Holly in their lives. Never. I would never.”
“Of course not. Is that what you think? That Laken being in your lives is replacing Holly?”
“Isn’t it? They asked if she could be their new mommy. That’s messed up. I let that happen.”
“You’re right. You let a kind-hearted woman into your lives. You showed those girls that love is a beautiful thing. You showed them that even though we lose someone, it’s okay to open our hearts to someone else.”
“I let them fall in love with her.”
“There is nothing wrong with that, Grayson.” We’re both quiet for a few minutes when she hands me an envelope. “I have something for you.”
“What is it?”
“After the girls were born and you went back to work, your mom and me, we took turns helping Holly until she was ready to be on her own physically with the girls. One day out of the blue, she asked me if I could watch them while she went upstairs. I assumed she was going to lie down. However, a couple of hours later, she came down and handed me that envelope.” She points to the white paper in my hands. “She told me that if something ever happened to her, that she wanted me to hold onto this letter. She said that when you finally found it in your heart to let someone else in to give this to you.”
“What?” I manage to whisper.
“She said that there was something weighing heavy on her heart, and she needed to write it all down. I didn’t ask questions. She’d just given birth to twins, and her emotions and hormones were all over the place. Instead, I took the letter and promised her that if something ever happened to her, and you found love again, that I would give it to you.”
“This is from her?” My voice cracks.
“It is. I’m sorry I’m just now giving it to you. I’d forgotten about it until your mom texted me earlier. She said you were struggling with guilt and wanted to know if I might be able to talk to you, to help you through it.”
“Why? You lost her too. You lost both of your daughters that night. Why would she ask that of you?” I ask, angry on her behalf.
“Because I lost both of my daughters that night. I know the pain you’re going through. Marty and I both do. We miss our daughters every single day.”
“Then you know I did the right thing by ending my relationship with Laken.” Even as I say the words, they sting.
“No, Grayson, I don’t agree with your choice. It’s your choice to make, but I don’t agree with it. I want you and those girls to move on. I want you to live a full, happy life. I think Laken is the one to live that life with the three of you.” She leans over and places a kiss on my cheek. “Read the letter.”
“Have you read it?”
“No. Those are her words to you, but I have a feeling you’ll find what you need in that envelope.” She stands and starts to walk away. “Grayson?” I turn to look at her. “Thank you for loving my daughter the way that you do.” With that, she turns and walks away.
“Leave it to you to get the last word in,” I say as I slide my finger under the lip of the envelope and pull out a handwritten letter. My heart hammers in my chest at the familiar slope of her writing. Taking a deep breath, I begin to read.
Grayson,
If you’re reading this, that means that I’m no longer walking this earth. That’s the only thing that could ever keep me away from you and our daughters. Today was your first day back to work, and I can’t shake this feeling of what-if… What if something were to happen to me? Would you and the girls know how much I love you? Would you know that my life, our life, is amazing, and I’m grateful for every single day I got to spend with you and our babies?