My fantasy sickens and thrills me in equal measure, and by the time Scott turns to me, my cheeks are as hot as the surface of the sun. I twist away to dismount and busy myself with Lady, muttering at my stupidity.
"She can go out to the paddock," Scott says. "I'm going back out to my brothers."
He clambers up onto Midnight's back, digging his heels in. Midnight responds immediately, and they disappear from the stables quickly. I get Lady ready to go outside, and she seems relieved to be free of the weight of the saddle. When she's in the paddock, she trots away, shaking her mane, searching out the other horses tentatively.
I watch my gift settling into her new home, wondering at how quickly she seems comfortable. We're both new to this ranch, both females in a man's world. Cash brought me a horse so that I'd be able to take a more varied role here, knowing that I need more to make me want to stay. He couldn't have chosen a better lure to keep me here. But that was before I heard that his kisses and the horse were about more than just his wish for me to stay for him.
This is about so much more, and I know these days, when this connection is between just me and Cash, are numbered. And even though I know this, I'm no closer to knowing what I'll say when the Bradfords are finally honest about their intentions.
12
Something’s happening tonight. I’m up to my elbows in dishwater as I watch Cary, Colt, Sawyer, and Scott get into their good truck and disappear out of sight. Since I’ve been here, they’ve never been out in the evening, but tonight they’re heading to a bar in town.
A bar.
But Cash is staying home.
He’s outside with Big Boy, taking him for a little walk around the house to give him a chance to do his business.
I scrub the pan that’s gripped in my hand with more vigor than it really requires, panicking. Have the boys left so that Cash can have a talk with me? Or maybe he’s hoping for some privacy so we can get to do more than just high school–level kissing. Or maybe they’re all sick of everything taking so long, and they’re hitting the bar to seek out female company.
Maybe Amber will be there with all her womanly charms. Maybe they’ll come back to Cash later with the name of a more deserving candidate for the Bradford harem queen.
All of those options make me feel sick with a mixture of nerves and jealousy and the kind of anxiety I haven’t felt since I moved into this house.
On top of all of it, so far, it seems that buying me the horse has been the end of my greater involvement outside of household chores. I get to ride Lady every day, but it’s all just for my leisure rather than work. And yes, I love getting out into the fresh air, and I’ve gotten so familiar with the sprawling land of the ranch that I could probably find my way around in the dark, but it’s not enough.
Cash still hasn’t returned by the time I’ve finished the dishes, so I head upstairs to freshen myself up. The old-fashioned bath is one of my favorite places to relax in the house, and I slide into the warm water, drifting in my mind through waking dreams that feel too real.
I picture myself lying on a bed while Cash sits on a chair in the corner. He’s watching me, a smile playing at his lips that I don’t get to see enough of in real life. His brothers are standing at the foot of the bed, plaid shirts discarded, jeans unbuttoned, arms folded. They look at me in the same way they’d observe an animal they were considering purchasing. All those eyes on my body…it sends a shiver through me.
I rub my face with wet hands, trying to clear my thoughts. These erotic imaginings aren’t like me. I blame the novel for filling my head with yearning. Or maybe it’s my hormones. I’m pretty sure I’m mid-cycle and probably subconsciously looking for a big strong man to fill me with his seed. As humans, we might be able to use tools and write poetry, but underneath it all, we’re still built like animals with animal urges. Squeezing my legs together, I try to squash the heat there, then I rise out of the water, not wanting to allow myself to think any further down that path.
When I’m dressed in my loungewear, I pad slowly and quietly down the hall, listening out for Cash’s movements. It’s quiet, and then the door next to me opens, and he’s standing there, framed by the entrance to his room.