When Jack got back to his room at the Hotel Torni, he tried to write a letter to Michele Maher. As a dermatologist, maybe she would know why some people with full-body tattoos felt cold. It was a strange way to start a letter to someone he'd not written or spoken to for fifteen years, and quite possibly the full-body people only thought they felt cold. What if the part about feeling cold was all in their minds and had nothing to do with their skin?
Tattoo artists themselves didn't agree about the full-body types; Alice had believed that most full-bodies felt cold, but some of the tattooists Jack met at his mom's memorial service told him that many full-bodies felt normal.
"The ones who feel cold were either cold or crazy to begin with," North Dakota Dan had said.
But how else could Jack begin a letter to Michele Maher after fifteen years of silence?
Dear Michele,
Here I am in Helsinki, looking for a couple of lesbians. What's up with you?
How was that for too weird? Jack crumpled up the piece of stationery. Perhaps a more general beginning would be better.
Dear Michele,
Guess what? My mother died. It turns out she lied to me about my father--maybe about a lot of other things. I'm in Europe, where I once believed my dad had slept with just about everyone he met, but it turns out that my mom was the one who was sleeping with everybody--among them a twelve-or thirteen-year-old boy and a couple of lesbians.
Interesting, huh? The things you think you know!
Jack crumpled up another page. He was beginning to believe that the only way he could communicate with Michele Maher was if he developed a skin problem. But wait! Hadn't she written to him to wish him luck on his adaptation of The Slush-Pile Reader? Michele was an Emma Oastler fan! Perhaps a more literary approach would impress her.
Dear Michele,
Thank you for your letter. Yes, I was close to Emma Oastler, although we never actually had sex. Emma just held my penis. And of course, as with any adaptation, I have had to take some liberties with her novel. The name of the porn star, for example--I don't exactly look like a Miguel Santiago, do I? And please don't think there will be any actual porn-film footage in The Slush-Pile Reader; it won't be that kind of movie. The pornography will be sort of implied. Besides, I have what I'm told is a rather small (or smallish) penis.
Jack couldn't write a letter to Michele Maher. He was too weird for Michele, or for anyone else who wasn't desperately lonely or crazy or a kid or grief-stricken (or otherwise depressed) or cheating on her husband or tattooed (with an octopus on her ass) or an old lady!
Besides, he had used up what pathetically little stationery the Hotel Torni provided for guests. Jack blamed the day on the agitation the pregnancy-aerobics class had caused him--not to mention the added stress of seeing Schwangere Girls. He was even tempted to go buy the magazine, but what he really wanted--and this truly disturbed him--was to have sex with a nice pregnant woman. (Like a wife, Jack was thinking; like someone who was going to have his baby; like Michele Maher, he kept hoping.)
More realistically, because he wasn't hungry or too tired, Jack could try his luck with whomever he might pick up downstairs--in O'Malley's--or he could call the waitress at Salve. But by the time Marianne got off work, Jack probably would be too tired. And the very idea of looking for a brave girl in O'Malley's Irish pub was humiliating.
There was still some daylight left in the sky when Jack called Sibelius Academy, the music college, and asked if there was anyone who might be able to tell him the whereabouts of two of their graduates in the early 1970s. The matter was complicated. Not only did it take the college a little time to connect him with someone who spoke English; Jack didn't even know the last names of the graduates. (Talk about taking a stab in the dark!)
"I know it sounds crazy," Jack said, "but Hannele was a cellist and Ritva was an organist, and I think they were a couple."
"A couple?" the woman who spoke English said on the phone. She had the doubting tone of voice of a knowledgeable bookseller who's convinced that the title of the book you're asking for is not the correct one.
"Yes, I mean a lesbian couple," he said.
The woman sighed. "I suppose you're a journalist," she said. Her tone of voice was worse than doubting now; she couldn't have made journalist sound any nastier if she'd said rapist.
"No, I'm Jack Burns--the actor," he told her. "I believe these women were students of my father, William Burns--the organist. I met them when I was a child. They also knew my mother."
"Well, well," the woman said. "Am I truly speaking with the Jack Burns--I mean really?"
"Yes, really."
"Well, well," she said again. "Hannele and Ritva aren't as famous as you are, Mr. Burns, but they're rather famous in Finland."
"Really?"
"Yes, really," the woman said. "It would be hard for them to hide in Helsinki. Practically anyone could tell you where to find them." Jack waited while the woman sighed again; she was taking the time to choose her next words very carefully. "It's an awful temptation, Jack Burns, but I'll refrain from asking you what you're wearing."
Later Jack called room service and ordered something to eat; he also called the front desk and requested more Hotel Torni stationery. He resisted both the faint impulse to explore O'Malley's and the slightly stronger desire to call Marianne the waitress and ask to see her tattoos.
The next morning he got up early again and went to the Motivus gym.
He wasn't at all sure how to approach Hannele and Ritva. The un-pronounceable church where the two musicians practiced every midday was called Temppeliaukion kirkko. The Church in the Rock, as it was also called, was more famous in Helsinki than Hannele and Ritva. It was underground, buried under a dome of rock--an ultramodern design, presumably done for the acoustics. There were numerous con