'But they didn't get out,' he said - knowing all along, the frotter.
'You were here, then?' I asked.
'Oh, such a long time ago,' he said. 'I don't remember where I was.'
'Were you always a barber, Hugel?' I asked.
'It runs in the family,' he said, '--like your bleeding!' And he thought himself so funny that he almost cut my ear off.
'Watch it,' I said, going stiff in my chair. 'You didn't break the skin, did you?' And that sobered him some; he worked with great care.
But when he'd given me no more than what looked like a normal haircut, he said, 'It's not too late. I can stop here.'
'Shave me,' I said, staring stonefaced at the mirror. And he did.
He was starting up his giggles again, while I inspected my head front-and-back in the mirror, when his second customer came in.
'Ah, Herr Ruhr,' said Hugel. 'I'm ready for you right away.'
'Morning, Hugel,' said heavy Herr Ruhr.
But I leapt back from the mirror and stared at Herr Ruhr.He looked a little alarmed, and I said, 'This barber's a laughing fool. I ask for a shave and look what he gives me.'
Hugel gave a little pip of a cry, razor in his tiny hand - shaving cream on the backs of his knuckles.
'Watch out for him, Herr Ruhr,' I said, running my hand over my gleaming head. 'He's a dangerous man with that razor.' And Herr Ruhr stared at the razor in little Hugel's hand.
'He's crazy!' cried Hugel Furtwangler. 'He wanted me to do it!' But dancing with his razor, and his face so bright red, Hugel looked a little crazy himself. 'And he's a bleeder too!' Hugel shouted.
'Hugel's got blood on his mind this morning,' I said to Herr Ruhr. Then I paid Hugel for a shave.
'Shave and a haircut!' cried the flustered little Furtwangler.
But I turned to Herr Ruhr and said, 'Would you call this a haircut?' And again I slicked my hand over my dome. 'I only asked for a shave.'
Herr Ruhr looked at his watch and said, 'I don't know where the time's gone to this morning. I'll just have to skip it, this morning, Hugel.'
But Hugel waved his razor and made an awkward attempt to block Herr Ruhr at the door. Herr Ruhr dodged quickly into the street, and I followed him out, leaving Hugel Furtwangler bespattered with shaving cream and waving his razor after us.
In somewhat the same condition, I thought, that poor Hugel will be in when he sees the stiff-bristled aardvark come lumbering across the Platz for a shampoo.
Then I snuck up on the motorcycle without that plotting Balkan waiter spying my new head, and quickly put my helmet on so that when he did notice me pumping the kick starter, he wouldn't realize I was much changed. But I only rode as far as Hutteldorf-Hacking with the helmet on, because it was very irritating - not fitting me any more, and bouncing all over my stinging head; Hugel had not rendered my dome absolutely cut-free.
I tied the helmet by its chin strap to the waist cord of my jacket, because I don't need a helmet any more. I have one of my very own.
Then I had a coffee, smelling the sun cooking the little grapes in the vineyards across the road, and trying to figure out exactly where it was from here that a certain fellow I know once had a hen-house; a laboratory, actually, wherein a much talked-about bird was invented. But I lost my bearings among so many buildings that look new, or at least rebuilt.
And it would be hard to spot the property I have in mind now, because the hen-house was burned down long ago.
It doesn't matter. There's an important issue at hand right now.
I'm on my way, Graff, and don't you worry. I'll be careful. I'll come into Waidhofen a sneaky new way; I'll leave the bike a bit out of town and walk in without my duckjacket, and without my old recognizable head. Thinking all the time, see.
And don't you worry either, Graff - about going to Italy. We'll go, all right. Maybe some of them will follow us!
We'll get to see your frotting beaches, Graff. We'll get to see the sea.
In fact, there's an interesting place I know of in Naples. They've a big aquarium where they keep all the wondrous fishes, in stale sea water under glass. I've seen pictures. The place is just off the harbor.