The way he’s looking at me, like I’m his whole life, makes me believe what he’s saying.
The monitor starts to buzz, and the nurse cuts in. “We have to move.” She tosses a scrub to Aiden. “Put this on and follow us.”
10
Aiden
Gracie is back... and I’m a father.
I stayed right with her through the whole delivery. They tried to get me out once the baby was born, and I had to make the hardest decision of my life. I had to leave Gracie to be with our daughter while they weighed her and took care of her. The nurse assured me Gracie would be fine, and so I did what I promised Gracie I would do. I stayed with our daughter.
Gracie has been in recovery for a little over an hour, and my daughter and I are already back in the room. The nurse has been teaching me things, how to change her, how to wrap her in a blanket, and basically how to care for her. I have my shirt off with the baby held to my chest. The nurse said that this brings babies comfort until their mothers are able to hold them, so I didn’t hesitate. I just met her, but I’d do anything for our baby.
The nurse pulls out a small bottle and tries to hand it to me, but with my arms full of my daughter, I shake my head. I didn’t have time to talk to Gracie about this, but I’m almost positive she would want to breast feed her.
“Should I give her that? I think Gracie would want to breastfeed her.”
The nurse shrugs like it’s not a big deal. “It will be fine, she still can if she wants to.”
Fuck, I don’t know anything about this, but for some reason it doesn’t feel right. “Since she’s sleeping,” I say, nodding my head at the baby in my arms, “can we wait until she wakes up? Maybe Gracie will be here by then and she can decide.”
The nurse harumphs at me, obviously not liking the fact that I’m bucking her but finally agrees. “Fine, I’ll be right out in the hall if you need anything.”
I nod, but all my attention is focused on my daughter. She’s sleeping so peacefully, nothing like a squalling baby that I somehow had pictured a newborn to be. I stroke my finger softly across her cheek and she twitches, and I swear it looks like she’s smiling in her sleep.
“Oh baby girl, how could I just find out about you and already love you this much? Your mommy took good care of you; they said you are a perfectly healthy baby. Now it’s my turn, now I’m going to take care of you and your momma.”
I sniff and wipe at the tear in my eye. I don’t know what’s going on, but I know without a shadow of a doubt that Gracie leaving me had something to do with her father. I’m still mad... I can’t believe she just left the way she did, but I can’t deal with that now. There are more important things at hand.
The door opens, and a nurse wheels in a groggy Gracie. As soon as the wheels on her bed get locked in, I stand up and walk over to the side of it.
The nurse grabs the clipboard off the end of the bed and holds it to her chest. “She’s groggy, but you can wake her up. Don’t let her up without one of us or you to help her.”
I nod, never taking my eyes off Gracie. She’s exhausted, and I can’t even begin to imagine how she did all this on her own. “Gracie, baby. There’s someone here wanting to meet you.”
“Aiden?” she asks, forcing her eyelids open.
“Yeah, I’m right here, and I have our baby. Do you want to hold her?”
Her eyes pop open, and her bright blue eyes are staring at me. She looks at the baby against my chest and starts to cry. “Oh my, she’s perfect. She’s just perfect, Aiden.”
I nod and sniff, feeling every emotion she is. “She is perfect. Do you want to hold her?”
She wipes at her eyes. “I do, I really do. But look at me.” She holds her hand out, and it’s shaking so bad.
“What’s wrong? Do you want me to get the nurse?”
She shakes her head. “No, it’s the aftereffects of the anesthesia. But I don’t want to drop her.”
She wants to hold her so bad I can see it. “I’m going to help you. I’ll stay right here, and I won’t let anything happen to her, Gracie. I promise.”
Our eyes meet, and finally she nods, holding her hands out to me. I nod at the gown she has on. “Do you want to pull your gown down a little? The nurse said the heat and our heartbeat helps soothe them.”