“I know I’m a selfish prick. You know I’m a selfish prick. I can’t imagine doing anything this big without you with me.”
“You’ve done lots of big things without me.”
“This doesn’t feel like me, Renie. This feels like us. Whatever I find out in Texas affects both of us.”
“Billy—”
“Please go with me, Renie.”
She put her head on his chest, right above his heart. “Okay.”
He held her tight and closed his eyes, saying a silent prayer of thanks.
“Your mom still needs to go with us, Billy. I can’t go if Dottie doesn’t.”
“My mama will still go with us, darlin’. Don’t worry.”
He knew he should tell her she didn’t have to go, but now that he’d talked her into it, he didn’t want to risk saying anything that might change her mind. It wasn’t just that he wanted her with him—he needed her with him.
It cost him a fortune to get her ticket, and theirs, at the last minute, but he would’ve paid ten times more to have her with him.
Renie sat next to him. Dottie sat across the aisle.
“I didn’t realize we were flying first class, Billy.”
He often flew first class and even if he didn’t, he would’ve this trip. He was about to ask his mother and the love of his life to help him bring his baby girl home. He didn’t need a paternity test, he felt it in his bones—he was Willow’s father.
He closed his eyes, wishing he could sleep, but knew he wouldn’t.
He lifted the armrest between them and brought Renie closer to him. “Sleep, darlin’. Get some rest.” She was asleep before he finished his sentence. He doubted she’d gotten much more sleep than he had the last couple of days.
The Johnsons suggested they meet at the hospital the next day, which was a few minutes away from the airport in San Antonio. Billy had gone the afternoon before and given the lab what they needed to run the test. They were waiting in the lobby when he walked in with Renie and his mother. Sophie Johnson was holding the baby.
Billy knew as soon as he looked at her. It didn’t matter what any lab or doctor told him, that baby was his.
Renie saw it too. Billy saw it in her face. He watched her, afraid to look away, afraid he’d miss something. Her look went from shock to…something he didn’t have words for. But when he looked back at Willow, he hoped Renie was feeling the same thing he was. It was indescribable.
“Here,” said Mrs. Johnson. “You hold your girl.”
Billy hesitated, not sure what to do. Willow started kicking her legs, leaning toward him.
“Hold tight, Billy,” said Dottie, smiling through her tears. “She’s a squirmer…like you were.”
“Why don’t you have a seat?” Earl Johnson motioned. “Your mama’s right. Willow’s a squirmer.”
Billy could hear him, understood what he was saying, but he couldn’t move. He and Willow stared at each other, as though they were looking in a mirror. He was sure that any minute his heart would burst right open. When he did look away, it was at Renie, and he had no idea what the expression on her face meant.
It was as though all the air left her body when Billy took the baby in his arms, and she watched him fall in love. In that moment, she realized she would never hold his heart the way she hoped she would. She’d dreamt of this day, Billy holding their baby, not the baby he had with someone else.
Why had she come with him? She wasn’t part of the scene playing out in front of her. She was a bystander, and not an innocent one. She was a damaged bystander, feeling the worst pain she could imagine.
When Dottie rested her hand on Renie’s back, she flinched, as though the touch burned her.
“Renie?” Billy was walking toward her, with the baby.
“Billy—” Her voice caught in a sob. “I can’t. I can’t do this.”
She felt the walls closing in on her. She couldn’t breathe. All she knew was she had to get away from this…Billy and his baby, as fast as she could.