His frown deepens. “Where the hell did you get the idea—”
Oh my god, is he serious? “Maybe from the way you offered to have my death be an easy one not even twenty-four hours ago. Which I totally fucking get. I deserve it. I don’t deserve to be standing here and—”
Hot, angry, and consuming, his mouth is on mine. I’m weak in an instant, clinging to him. I groan when it ends far too soon. Shaking his head, “What I was trying for, my sweet Christy, was to give you time t
o come to terms with it. Slip the bridle on nice and easy before you even realized you were wearing it, but you have to keep pushing.”
“What the fuck are you talking about? Do you think you're speaking English right now?”
“We settled this the first damn day. Yes, less than twenty-four hours ago and again less than an hour ago. You’re mine. I'm keeping you.”
It doesn’t make sense to me. Even though, yes, not even an hour ago, he claimed me again. This is Tony Sabatini, a cold, ruthless killer. Was he really going to let the whole ‘me trying to kill him thing’ go—like it never happened? “What? Locked in the basement or something?”
The fucker laughs. I know I thought I wanted to hear him laugh but not right now. Especially because it makes me wet, and I need to focus.
“No. You're mine. You belong to me. I'm keeping you with me here in this house, and in my bed. Hopefully,” he reaches out and tenderly runs his finger along my stomach. "soon, you'll help me fill this house with the children I’ve always wanted.”
A baby, he wants me... “You're serious. You're really... Oh god.” My knees go weak, and I sink to the floor.
Tony hauls me up and puts me on the island. Damn, that’s cold. He studies me intently. “Are you okay?”
I shake my head. “No, I'm not okay. You're telling me I'm going to stay here and have your babies like it's not the most fucked up thing I've ever heard in my life. What woman would be okay with that? I’m trying really hard to wake up from this insane nightmare.”
His face goes hard. “You are awake. This is real life—yours and mine. Accept it fast. Because the alternative is killing you.” I flinch. He sighs. “I don't want to fucking kill you, Christy. To keep you alive, I’m keeping you at my side, as my woman in every sense of the word.”
Why do I feel like crying? Is it even fair to him? He’s doing what he thinks he has to do to keep me alive. After what I did, he’s the one forced into this. I shouldn’t be crying—it should be him. “I told you and I mean it. I don't want to kill you. You can let me go.”
That exhale thing that’s not a laugh. “Right, and five years or ten years from now, when you hit a wall, and you're looking for someone to blame, you'll know enough to come up behind me and put the bullet in the back of my head.”
I hate the tears that fall at how sure he sounds, at the bitterness of his words. “No, oh my god, Tony. I could never hurt you. Not now. I can’t explain it. I know it doesn’t make sense, but I couldn’t do it.” I can’t, don’t dare say what is becoming clearer and stronger with every minute I spend with him.
He shakes his head as he cups my face, his thumbs wiping away my tears. “As long as you're with me, I can always see you. And once you have our baby, I'm sure there will be days when you want to kill me, but I know you won't. You won't dare.”
I swear if he hit me, it couldn’t have hurt worse. “That's what our baby will be? A keep-me-from-killing- you card?”
He sighs as he closes his eyes. When he opens them, I’m locked in and can’t look away. “No, it will be the thing that ties us together for the rest of both of our lives. The family I have always wanted and never truly had.”
My heart aches all over again for the loss of the dream he once held. A dream I had not long ago too. The dream, for me was three children in a home with a big backyard. I longed for two boys and a girl who would know they were the most important thing and I loved them unconditionally. I can’t keep from reaching out to him. When my hand goes to his cheek, he leans down, and his forehead meets mine as his hands grip my head tighter. He’s everything I see, feel, and breathe. Not a single thing in my entire life has felt so right, so perfect, as this moment.
“A woman that wants me and wants to be with me. A woman that wants children the way I do. This started fucked up, it doesn’t have to stay that way. The reason you believe now you could never kill me is because you know you belong to me. Feel it the same as I do. As time goes on, and we learn each other and we have our baby—and hopefully a few more—this will become stronger until you could never bring yourself to hurt me because to do so would hurt you too.”
Longing builds in me even as fear and shame hover at the edge of what he promises. “But you’re only doing this because you don’t want to worry about me killing you. That makes it feel so wrong. I don’t think—”
Blue flashes so dark it’s almost black as his grip on my head tightens. “Don’t fucking think. You had your chance, and you fucked up. This isn’t up to you anymore.”
I pull back. “My life isn’t up to me?”
“No.” The word is hard. “You said it yourself. You walk away from me and you have no idea how the hell you’re going to get from one day to the next. You don’t know. I do. You’re going to have my kids, be my woman, and you’re going to make this a home again. Shit will get hard from time to time as we both adjust. Your place is here with me. Five, ten, twenty years from now, how we started will be a footnote barely worth remembering.”
Holy shit, he really believes it.
“This isn’t up for discussion. This is happening. You can either accept it like a good girl or fight me and piss me off.” God, he reads me like I’m an open book. “Do you really want to walk away from me? Do you really believe you could be happy away from me and the way I make you feel?”
I don’t even have to think. The shake of my head isn’t something I can stop. The very thought of it stings in a way I hadn’t thought possible. “It’s just, you’re making plans I don’t know I can fulfill. I’ve wanted a baby for the last five years and it hasn’t happened. I’m not sure I can take losing another one,” I whisper. I can’t meet his eyes, ashamed of how much of a coward I am.
“Hey,” Tony catches my chin and forces me to look him in the eye. “That was then. This is now. This is with me. You couldn’t have a baby with him because you were never meant to have a baby with him. I’ll give you what he couldn’t. Everything you want and need, I’m going to give to you.”
It’s a promise he seals with a kiss.