“Elise, Dmitri’s wife, is a close friend of mine. She’s dying to meet you. When you come back, we’ll do lunch. The only reason she didn’t crash us today was because she thought Ivan was going to be here. Don’t look so worried, I promise she’s the sweetest thing.
“Elise has a soft spot for Ivan, with how closed off he is. To hear her tell it, he and Dmitri are a lot alike, well, they were before she and Dmitri got together. So she’s been hoping someone would come along and save Ivan the way she did Dmitri.”
“Okay, I’ll call you when I get back.” The allure of hearing all about Ivan from someone who has known him for so long beats out the daunting idea of meeting Elise Markhoff.
***
Christina
Two hours later, I’m buffed and polished to within an inch of my life. While I have lost five inches of hair, it is still a few inches past my shoulders. The woman wielding the scissors swore if I cut anymore I would be crying, no matter how good it looked. Keeping it a bit past my shoulders allowed me not to see the huge difference, I would just feel all the weight gone. She’s right, it didn’t seem like I lost much, merely gained the ability to style my hair more easily and no more headaches.
I check my phone wondering what is going on with Ivan. Determined to do anything I can to cheer him up, I make a stop at the lingerie store and take the lovely woman’s advice on all the naughtiest lingerie she offers me. I don’t even wince when I see the total—it’s worth it if it makes Ivan happy.
When I get home, Lilly is waiting at the front door. “Thank goodness you’re home. I was beginning to worry about you too.”
“Me too? What’s going on?”
“Ivan’s in the gym. He got home a few hours ago and he hasn’t stopped this entire time. I’m worried he’s going to hurt himself. He said once you got home you’d both be on a plane out to Manchester.
“I’ve already packed up all your clothes that came from the store and sent them ahead to the jet.” She points to a small carry-on. “This has your toiletries and a change of clothes for when you land.”
Fuck. Why the hell couldn’t he have told me something was wrong? I would have come right home. Going into his home gym, I find him beating a heavy bag until I’m wondering how it hasn’t ripped apart yet. He’s wearing nothing but black sweat bottoms. Normally he plays loud, thumping hip-hop music while working out; the silence is eerie.
He doesn’t see me, so I say his name a few times. Nothing. I yell his name but he still doesn’t stop. Reaching out, I put a hand on his back; he freezes then turns, his eyes ice cold. They flick over me, and he frowns when he gets to my hair. Yet he says nothing, just starts pulling off his gloves.
“What’s the matter? Please talk to me.”
“I need a shower. Have Lilly call and tell the pilot we’ll be there in forty-five minutes.” Then he walks past me out of the room.
I’m pacing the living room when he enters. He’s suited up again, this time in black with a white shirt and black tie. Is it a funeral? Is she dead? What is going on? “Ivan, what happened?”
He shakes his head, takes my arm and walks me out the door. Once we’re in the car, I try to take his hand. For the first time he doesn’t respond. He doesn’t pull away, but it hurts when he doesn’t take it the way he always does.
“Will you please talk to me? What is the matter with your mom?”
His only response is to pull his hand from mine to scroll through his phone. If he had hit me, I don’t think it could have hurt any worse.
Boarding the plane, he settles into a corner with his laptop. For the next few hours the tension builds and builds. He buries himself in work, not stopping to eat, ignoring my every question. I can’t take it anymore and go into the bedroom and close the door.
Breaking down, I text Hannah, asking what is going on. Her response is almost immediate.
Mum took an overdose of pills. Ivan told her he was selling the house and she had a month to get out. Now that Gemma is moving out to live with Aari and I’m moving to London at the end of the month, Ivan had no reason to keep it. She’s out of A&E as of an hour ago and stable. So sorry you’re walking into this. Mum is a raging drama queen. This isn’t the first time she’s done this. With all the attention on Gemma, she’s gone mental.
Oh my god, what a bitch. She’s done it before? How could she do this to him? Poor Ivan, there didn’t seem to be a shred of emotion in him for her, but this had to have hurt him deeply. I fumble a half dozen times trying to respond.
Sorry, I can’t imagine what you’re going through. I’ll do my best to stay out of the way. Just here for Ivan.
I blush at her response.
I love you already. So grateful you’re here for Ivan. He hasn’t let anyone be before.
Is that what’s going on? He doesn’t know what having someone he can depend on looks like, and that’s why he’s going strong and silent? What if, like making him happy, I had to show him what it looked like for someone to stand beside him no matter what?
I fall into a restless sleep. I wake up to Ivan sliding into bed with me in the darkness. Thank god is my last thought. There are no words, no moans, the way there usually are, and I try not to worry. He is rough, then he’s greedy, then he’s so gentle I fight back tears. As I fall asleep, I cling to him, confident we’ll get through this.
16
Christina