He’s in there…somewhere. Fighting. But Bale has her talons in deep. And she’s stronger.
Caben is a skewed version of his formerly honorable self. He might be shutting Bale out of his conscious thoughts, but her dark essence is still pervading his mind. Still, if this is as close to Caben that I’ll ever be again…I’ll take it. If this was to be our future, if he could banish Bale into a corner of his mind always, we might’ve been able to make it work.
But isn’t that just, again, my own selfishness? Wanting to keep him here? He’d forever struggle, an exhaustive battle, just to remain a shadow of his former self. He’d eventually go completely mad. What kind of life would that be?
The merciful thing to do would be to kill him. Right now. Snatch his sword from his hip and end his torment. The protector in me screams to do just that. The hand not holding onto to Caben clenches into a fist at my thigh as I battle my conflicting emotions.
Before my thoughts go further in their bleak direction, Caben drops the flask to the sand and grips the seams of my shirt. Balling the fabric in his hands, he yanks me up against him, body to body. And his forehead just rests against mine.
He inhales deeply, his eyes close. “Get lost with me.”
An unsteady breath escapes my lips.
Let go. That’s what he’s saying, and it makes my whole body tremble, my eyes tear. From now until the black, new moon rises, we could lose ourselves in each other. Would it be so wrong?
Maybe I should let go—just give in and fall into Caben. Let fate land where it may. Because truly, if I am the goddesses’ weapon, they might not even allow me to make my own choice. At the very second the new moon attacks the sky, my free will could vanish. And Bale could be forced right into me, the mercury inside me—her divine blood; my ultimate traitor—calling to her and imprisoning me.
Maybe that’s all that needs to happen. For me to be near Caben during the moment of her ascension, and all the stars and planets will align. Fate. So why not just let go…for a while?
Sucking in the chilly air, mixed with Caben’s scent and the tang of alcohol, I breathe deeply. Then, “I’m already lost, Caben.”
He opens his eyes, and his silver-ringed irises gleam in the dark early morning. His grip on me tightens, and when his lips crash against mine, I let go. Completely.
Lost.
Goddesses, help us all.
? 23 ?
Caben
KAL TASTES LIKE UNEQUIVOCAL desire.
My hands instinctually plunder beneath her shirt and seek the warmth of her soft skin. There’s a foggy haze, a thin veil, separating me from her. Keeping us apart—and I want to tear through it. This physical connection only satisfies one part of me, not all.
The alcohol is working, some. At least Bale can’t literally speak to me, though I can still sense her presence. It’s creating a barrier from being with Kal completely. I try my hardest to burst through it, grabbing her, pulling her body closer. Sinking my fingers into her flesh, attempting to connect. My mouth devours hers. Her gasps flutter in my chest, exciting me further, and I breathe through her. As if I’m inhaling her soul into me, replacing the darkness trying to pull me under with her.
But still, it’s not enough. Frustrating. Annoyance that I can’t get close enough, feel her and taste her and own her, intrudes into the passion. My hands roam widely, tearing at her clothes. Our kiss deepens, my lips crush hers.
I know something’s off, that she can sense the wrongness, when she breaks away. “It’s too much,” she pants, pulling air into her lungs. “Just…too much, Caben.”
“I know.” I grit my teeth against the overwhelming desire, and just try to see her. The fog in my brain is becoming worse. “I’m not right,” I admit. “The things I’m thinking—” I turn my head, shut my eyes “—it’s all very wrong.”
I feel her gentle touch on my cheek, and she turns my face back toward her. “It can’t be any more wrong than the thoughts swirling in my head.” She attempts a smile. But I can see the slightest tremble of fear in her lips. “Tell me,” she whispers.
Cupping the back of her neck, I angle her head back, so she can look into my eyes. Honesty. Such a simple concept. One that I believed in wholeheartedly before I became Bale’s bitch. It’s so much more difficult now.
But, hell. I give it a whirl. “I’m not sure if it’s me or Bale who desires you more.” I bite down on my lip hard enough to draw blood. And watch her jade eyes widen. The undisguised fear in them seeps past the haze and accelerates my already thumping heartbeat.
“Bale wants me dead, Caben. I’m some kind of threat to her. The way you kissed me just now?” She dips her head to maintain eye contact when I try to look away. “That didn’t feel like you wanted to hurt me.”
But oh, how she’s wrong. There’s a fine, fractured line between love and hate. Pain and pleasure. Until now, I’d have denied that the two could coexist simultaneously. Undoubtedly, it’s Bale’s influence feeding this one—but it still thrums, fire-hot and demanding.
It’s as if a residual imprint has been permanently marred on my soul. I want to reach inside and rip it out, banish anything that threatens the woman I love…but I can no more separate myself from it than I can find a way to crawl beneath Kal’s skin.
“I don’t want to hurt you,” I finally tell her. “But I’m scared I might not be able to control it.”
She licks her lips, her eyes hesitantly seeking the truth in my expression—I’m sure one that registers pain—and cups my cheeks. “I trust you. Whatever it takes, let me help. Do you trust me?”