“There’s no more need for this, Caben,” Bax says to me, though his beady little eyes are trained on Lake. “Your mother has been promised to you. As long as no harm comes to Kal, you’ll get what you bargained for.”
A chuckle slips from my mouth. “I have no intention to hurt her.” I use the edge of my blade to bring a hank of Kal’s dark, glossy hair to my nose. Inhale deep. “It’s just time we were leaving.”
I back up a step, coercing Kal to move with me, my sword at her neck, and Bax quickly interjects, “Wait.” I halt.
“Don’t be foolish. Kal cannot be kept safe if she’s anywhere near Bale.” Bax grits his sharp teeth. “This is not the plan.”
“It’s my plan!” I shout. “I’m the one who dies. I’m the one who sacrifices everything…” My arm begins to shake, and I bear down on my sword to keep it steady. “Kal comes with me or I will watch all this”—I fling my sword out for just a second to wave it around—“everyone and everything, burn. Now make sure your little loyal Nactue keep their word, or I just might end her after all.”
It’s an empty threat. At least I try to believe as much. But the frantic circumstance that is my fate has pulled the world from beneath me, and I’m grasping at the seams of my sanity. All I know, all that is real, is Kal. She’s mine.
“I’m all right, Bax,” Kal says. Her voice doesn’t betray the trembling of her body. “Take care of your family. Give the Nactue one last order from me.” She swallows; I sense the hard bob of her throat at it moves against my sword. “They’re to keep the queen of Perinya safe. Guard her as they guard their empress…I—”
I jerk her backward, and she forces out the last of her words quickly. “I belong with Caben.”
A slow smile curls my lips. At last.
Bax’s expression pales even more than his usual pasty shade, but I’m leading us around the corner before any words leave his gaping mouth.
? 22 ?
Kaliope
SINCE THE RECKONING, BAX has become my friend. I trust th
is. Whether or not he initially wanted me to be Bale’s vessel, or if he still has thoughts that I should, seeing as I somehow ended up in Caben’s vicinity so close to Bale’s rebirth… I suppose, it doesn’t matter.
We are friends now. So Teagan can take her slurs and innuendoes, those which she threw at me to make me question everyone, and stuff them. Bax’s actions as of late prove he wouldn’t use me—or at least, if it came down to it, he’d have no choice. And I really can’t fault him there. But first, he’d do everything he could before sacrificing me to Bale…even if it meant leaving behind his family.
It also means one other thing: he doesn’t believe in me.
I realize this now as Caben and I track through the woods. The darkness our only, sorry excuse for a guide. He apparently knows where he’s taking me, and I’m not brave enough yet to ask. Maybe I don’t want to know. Because right now, it’s enough that I’m with him.
My plan was to abandon all who I cared for—in order to keep them safe—and find Caben. Plan accomplished. And to some degree, it’s a better scenario than I envisioned. I had thought we’d trade blows, beat one another to a bloody pulp. And somehow, I’d wear him down enough to lure Bale to the surface. Then…attempt another botched healing like in the Cage?
Clearly not. That failed horribly the first time. I’d thought about offering my own body and mind as a trade. If that’s what it came to, I’d have done it. I’d have found a way to switch places with Caben. But now I see that’s not going to happen. Bale won’t allow it.
She knows I house a part of her. A part she strived hard to banish, and she will fight to never be joined with it again. Teagan believes reuniting the two will make her goddess whole. That it’s my fate to bring them together. But am I allowed to question what happens to me after the fact? Am I to take to becoming a martyr without thought for myself?
That would make me weak, and selfish.
The goddesses picked the wrong human for this job. I’m not some celestial being who puts a whole world before my own desires. I do what I can for the people I love—but I’m not a savior.
I’m afraid. I feel alone. Even as Caben clasps my hand to lead me under a low-hanging branch, I’ve never felt more lonely in my life.
So regardless if I up and decide this moment that I no longer want to be scared and selfish, and I accept this “gift” to become the world’s martyr… Bale won’t simply hop on over into my body. I’m ashamed to admit this, but I don’t know if that realization comes with regret or comfort.
“Just a ways more, love,” Caben says. “We’re close.”
“I’d have thought you’d want to bring your mother, too.” This might be dangerous ground I’m treading, but I need to keep his human side present. His emotions and connections to his life. I doubt the alcohol is helping with that. “Don’t you want her with you?”
His hold tightens around my hand. I’m pushing too hard. “She doesn’t need to see what’s to happen…” He trails off. A heavy puff of breath as he hikes over a bolder, and then, “I want her to remember me how I was. For who I was. All that matters is she’s safe.”
A heaviness fills my chest. Openly discerning this feeling as remorse, I hope his mother does remember. Once I’d found a way to get Caben back, I’d planned to try and help his mother recover. Now, I probably won’t get that chance. I give my head a hard shake. No more lying to myself—I will never get that chance.
I should have done everything I ever intended or wanted to do. But I was so single-minded, so egocentric. I wanted to believe I was doing the right thing and not being self-centered—but if I’m being honest, then I have to admit saving Caben was mostly for me.
I wanted Caben back.