Anger explodes white-hot in my vision. How can Lena ever believe that Lilly would choose her wellbeing over her best friend’s? I’m about to address that, when Lilly’s glare halts my words.
“We should talk,” Lilly says, then turns her attention back to Lena. She inspects Lena’s reddening cheek, her fingers caressing her skin.
And that’s when I see it. I glance back and forth between them. My mouth opens, trying to form the words stuck in my throat. Shock closes around my neck like a noose, chocking me off.
“Maybe I should talk to her,” Lena says, but Lilly shakes her head.
“I’ll meet you later.” Lilly runs her fingers through Lena’s side-swept bangs, and places a kiss near her mouth.
I grip the hilt of my sword so tightly I can feel my increasing heart rate in my palm. My pulse races as fast as the thoughts circling my head. Cutting Lena down right here. Severing her head—like I should have done that day in the Cage.
Before my mind allows me one clear thought, Lena nods to Lilly, making brief eye contact with me, then heads toward the weapon’s wall. I watch her hang the practice sword as Lilly moves closer to my side. Lena shuts off the music before leaving.
The sudden silence is louder than my thoughts.
“I know what you’re thinking, Kal,” she says.
Closing my eyes, I pry my fingers one-by-one from the hilt. “No. You do not know.” I turn toward her. “You don’t want to know what I’m thinking.”
She thumbs each of her fingers, cracking her knuckles. And I know she’s been dreading this conversation. “I wanted to tell you before…”
“How long?”
Crossing her arms over her chest, she shrugs. “Does that matter? Will it change the opinion you’ve already formed?”
I scoff. “Sure. How long after Van’s body was cold in the ground before you were moving on to her killer?” I shrug, mocking her. “A month. A week. A full day? Or maybe even before Lena snapped Willa’s neck—”
Pain explodes across my face as Lilly’s palm meets my cheek.
I lick my lips, savoring the sting. It gives a very real, physical weight to the emotional turmoil raging within.
“You just said Willa.” Lilly’s lips are trembling, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears. “I’ll forgive you for that only because I know how this threw you. Finding out in this way. And because you love Willa. But if you ever question my love for her again, we’re not sisters.”
Something inside me snaps, and my fury for Len
a gives way to Lilly’s heartache. I hesitantly fold my arms around her shoulders, and she allows me to bring her into an embrace. “I’m sorry, Lills…I didn’t mean—it just came out.” I comb her red locks with my fingers, feeling her body shiver. “I know you love Willa still. And I swear I didn’t mean that slip.”
“I know,” she says, sucking in a sob. “I understand, Kal. But you have to put this behind you. Lena did not kill Willa.”
“She killed Van, Lilly. One of ours.”
Lilly pulls her head back to look at me, and her face crumples. “She had no choice. I cared for Van, too. But it’s not the same, and you know it.”
Breathing deeply, centering my thoughts, I say, “I get that…but you’re still distraught. Lena has no right to take advantage of you this way. I can’t let her—”
She backs out of my hold, her brows press together. “She’s not.” She shakes her head, further separating us. “Do you really think so lowly of me? That I’m so naive?”
Again, I’m struggling to find the right words. She’s displaying every emotion—shifting from hot to cold, one extreme to the other. And I’d just been so relieved, wondering what or who had changed her for the better. But now I’m not so sure her happy, carefree moments are for the better if Lena’s the one behind them. Lilly hasn’t had time to fully grieve Willa’s loss. Which only amplifies my anger toward Lena all the more.
“I can’t make you see this clearly from my perspective.” I step away from her, deciding, regretfully, that I don’t have time to delve into this matter to the extent that’s needed.
“You think you’re the only one who comprehends love, now? That you’re suddenly the expert?” Lilly swipes a tear from her face. “Everyone is tiptoeing around you since Caben. And I am sorry, Kal. I know that it was hard for you. Not just losing him like you did, but giving yourself over to a man at all—after what happened to you.” Her gaze shifts away from mine for a second. “But Lena has been here for me…and we’re…happy. She understands me. I care for her.”
I feel my resentment for my father bubbling up, and resentment toward Lilly for calling me out on it. Then suddenly her words hit me like a blow. I haven’t been there for her. I’ve been so consumed with finding Caben, with the war—it’s my fault. I pushed her right into Lena’s arms.
“This”—I wave my hand toward her and then motion to where Lena just left—“has nothing to do with me and my issues. Don’t throw them into the ring just to shadow what’s really wrong here.” I hold back the angry tears. “I’m sorry for what I just said. And I’m sorry that I haven’t been fully here for you, Lills. I wish things were different. I wish Willa were still here, and I wish—” I break off, pressing my lips together hard. “All I can say is I’m sorry. But you deserve better. I hope you realize that soon.”
I turn my back on her and start for the door. I can’t begin to comprehend how her and Lena… No. I can’t handle that on top of everything else. Some issues will just have to wait.