You can.
You just choose not to.
She flinched and wrapped her fingers around the headrest as if my answer almost knocked her over. She glanced at the rope I’d tied around her wrists, her face revealing the battle of learning me and cursing me.
Slowly, she exhaled, her shoulders dropping from around her ears. “That must’ve been incredibly hard.”
Snatching a new chocolate bar, I unwrapped it and shrugged. “No harder than the eight years or so before that.”
Her eyebrows shot high, disappearing into her tangled, filthy hair. Hesitation filled her, but she still asked the question I expected and didn’t want. “What happened in those eight years or so before?”
I gave her the only answer that mattered. “We survived.”
“We?”
I shook my head and bit into the chocolate.
That was enough for story time. Enough of straying too close to the edge of then and now. It was still dark outside. I’d already slipped. If I wasn’t careful, I might share too much and encourage the sludge of nightmares to find me again.
In my current state, I remembered a little more than I cared to. The vagueness of knowing crimes had been committed against me, the uneasy notions of beatings, rapes, and punishments were losing their fussy forgetfulness.
Keep your walls. Forget. Ignore.
The past receded a little, feeling less like me and more like someone who I used to know—someone I didn’t even like.
That helped. That distance kept memories devoid of emotion.
It kept my life less like the sum of who I was and more like a sad, poorly directed movie that I’d barely watched and didn’t care at all about the main character.
If she continued to ask, to push me closer into remembering, those walls would crumble, the movie would absorb me, and I would be the main character screaming out his agony with no one around to care.
Stuffing the rest of the chocolate into my mouth, I threw away the wrapper and reached for another.
“You’re having another one? A third and you’ll turn diabetic.”
I scowled. “There’s plenty. For once in my life, I’m not having to conserve.” I gave her a thin smile. “Thanks to your stash, I can be a glutton.”
Her huff of annoyance was loud, followed by the faint rock of the vehicle as she spun in her seat, awkwardly opened the door with the rope still imprisoning her, and leaped out.
I exploded out of the tailgate, planting myself in front of her. “And where do you think you’re going?” Soft rain slicked us, gracing her nakedness with goosebumps.
“Anyone ever tell you you’re hard work?” Pushing me out of the way, she opened the passenger back door. “You’re eating my food, idiot. I’m starving. I’m not exactly going to let you have a car picnic without me.” Scrambling into the back, she crawled with her hands together, unashamedly with her ass in the air and flashes of her pussy making me rock fucking hard until she leaned against the opposite side of the Jeep.
The back seats had been laid flat, leaving the rear with more room for gear and possibly a sleeping space. Her boxes of supplies dotted like life-giving islands in a sea of scratchy carpeting.
Tilting her head at me, still standing in the rain with my cock standing to attention, she asked sickly sweet, “Enjoying your shower, dearest? You’ve had your dinner and now getting ready for bed?”
I gave her the finger, aware chocolate smeared my fingerprints. “Anyone ever tell you that you’re a pain in the ass?”
“Yes. Regularly.” She flashed a pained smile. “Joshua.”
Jealousy heaved through me. “And who the hell is Joshua? Boyfriend?” I searched her left hand even though I knew there was no ring there. I’d noticed when she’d been unconscious within a few minutes of meeting her.
She wasn’t bound to another, which made it scarily easy to bind her to me.
Wiping her arms free from the fine haze of rain, she sighed as if my temper grated on her nerves. “You’ve strangled me, hunted me, fucked me, and stolen my food, yet you haven’t listened to a word I’ve said, have you?” Her eyes shot up, locking me in place.
My forehead furrowed. My memory knocked to deliver things she’d told me in the past. Things that were now firmly locked behind a door I could not, would not open.
Something about a brother, perhaps?
Bracing myself, I shrugged as if I didn’t care and slammed the car door shut. Marching back to the tailgate, I hopped inside, shoved away the mess I’d made, and adopted her position.
Back against the vehicle, legs spread out in front.
Two naked, dirty people who despised each other, sharing a respite from the rain with chocolate.
The only lie in that sentence was I didn’t think I despised her.
I fucking hungered for her.
Licking her lips, she reached for the box full of candy, managing to fend for herself despite her wrists roped together. Her breasts swelled to the side as she rummaged for a Snickers bar. Her nipples hard from the chill in the air, her hair sticking to her stunning skin.