I miss Jade, Ruth and Helen, but…I'm happy. If we never got rescued and lived out a Blue Lagoon-style life for the rest of my days, I would have zero complaints. I have Kas. I have Sterre. I'm not sure I need more.
And I hate the thought of leaving our comfortable little nest for a day. "Can we put it off for a day or two? I was hoping we could open a new pack of noodles to go with the bird Sterre just caught, and you know it makes too much food." Am I stalling? Sure. Do I care? Nope.
Kas reaches out and wipes at my cheek; he must have gotten grease on me. "Actually I was thinking I'd feel better if you stayed here with Sterre and I went alone. I'll be able to travel faster and I won't have to worry about bugs eating you."
Well now, I really don't like this idea. "You're going to leave me behind?"
"Just for a day or so. And I'll come right back."
I shake my head. "I don't like the thought of us splitting up. What if something happens to you?"
"Then you have Sterre with you and you stay up here until my brothers rescue you." He says it so simply, as if it makes total sense in his head. "I'd feel better knowing you're safe."
"And I'd feel better if you didn't go at all."
He sighs heavily, and a conflicted look crosses his face. "I'd rather stay with you, too, Sunshine, but if there's a way for me to communicate with my brothers and let them know where we are, I feel like I need to do it. They could be spending a fortune burning fuel, looking for us. They could be worried sick. We were supposed to all rendezvous together and you and I have gone completely off the charts." He frowns. "If I was in their shoes, I wouldn't rest until I found us."
A twinge of guilt hits me. It feels selfish wanting him to stay. I compare what he said to Jade, and she would absolutely pull the universe apart looking for us. Heck, she's probably hunting down that Lord Straik guy right now to tear him a new asshole for stealing Ruth away. "You sure you wouldn't be gone for long?"
"A day to get there and a day back, two at most. I'll leave my spear here with you." He grabs my hands and pulls them up to his mouth, kissing my knuckles. "I know you hate the idea, Sunshine, but I have to do it."
I smile brightly. "No, I get it. And I want you to take the spear with you. And the canteen. And a bag of food. Two bags, even. I don't want you sabotaging yourself to help me. I'll have Sterre—unless you want to take her?"
He shakes his head. "Sterre stays with you. I don't think she'd listen to me anyhow." He scrapes his teeth against my knuckles, a playful expression on his face. "I bet you won't even miss me."
I bet he's wrong.
51
ALICE
Well, this is some serious garbage.
I sit in the captain's chair on the empty bridge and turn slowly. The chair is anchored to the ship's floor by a supportive pole and so I just sit and spin. And spin. And spin.
Kas has been gone for five minutes and I miss him already.
I blow a raspberry at the view of the branches and leaves and keep spinning the chair, using my foot to push myself in circles over and over again. We woke up before dawn this morning, frantically made love so we could have one last round in before he had to run off, and now Kaspar's gone and I'm left here holding the fort.
Yup.
Just me. Holding the fort.
Spinning in my chair.
Alone.
Kinda sucks ass.
"It's fine," I tell the lazing Sterre, who's spread out on the cool floor of the ship. "This is my opportunity to do all those things I say I'm going to get to. I'll catch up on my sewing. I'll shave my legs. I'll dry some of the meat you caught yesterday. I'll practice some braiding. I'll stay so damn busy I won't have time to miss him. Isn't that right?"
Sterre yawns at me, showing off gleaming white fangs.
"Five minutes of moping," I tell her cheerfully. "That's it. After all, I kept myself entertained for the last three years on the ship, right?" I'll just ignore the fact that I had three friends to talk to back there. I know how to stay busy, and there's always something to do in the ship. Like the mildew growing in the lavatory sink. It keeps coming back no matter how often I scrape it out, just because everything's so humid. I can scrape it out again, and then wash the walls with the extra water that Kas hauled up for me. The ship's water filters are working, but it's just enough for us to drink and cook with, and to flush the waste cyclers (or as I call them, space toilets) and everything else has to be hauled up from the stream with the pulley Kaspar made.