Kaspar's expression falls a little. "I didn't mean to scare you. I just wanted to bring you something that would make you smile."
I clench my jaw, trying to rein in my frustration. "And what's that?"
He jiggles the package as he holds it out to me. "On Homeworld they have a long name, but I think humans call them cookies?" He tilts his head, indicating the ship. "He's got a stockpile of food up there. It's all probably stale, but it beats eating nothing. I saw this package and thought of you."
He…brought me cookies? He risked his life climbing down so he could bring me cookies?
I don't know whether to kiss him or murder him.
44
KASPAR
I know I've keffed things up when Alice's lower lip trembles and she looks furious at me.
I hold out the food as an offering. "They're my favorite, actually. Back home they're called Ice Melts because they're made of this sweet white powder, and the packages are specifically made to keep them chilled. When you open the package, this little puff of cold air comes out that smells delicious and it just adds to the sensation…and you're still glaring at me." I wince. "I saw them and immediately thought of you. I know you've been hungry for forever, and the tabs aren't doing it for you. So I wanted to bring these back to you."
She just stares at me, her blue eyes shiny and wet and her expression accusing.
"I messed up, didn't I?" I know just from the way she stares. "You think I risked my life for some cookies, but I promise it wasn't a problem climbing down with them."
"Were they going to disappear in the next hour or so?" Alice asks tightly.
"No."
"Then yeah, you messed up." Her jaw clenches again and she sniffs hard. "I don't give a fuck if that's a goddamn cookie truck up in that tree if it means you fall and hurt yourself. What am I supposed to do if you break a leg or an arm? How am I supposed to take care of you?" Her nostrils flare and her mouth works, and she looks as if she either wants to claw my eyes out or burst into tears again.
"Pff. You'd figure out how to survive. You're smart."
Alice's eyes widen. "I don't want to survive here if you're dead, you big goon!" She bellows this so loudly it echoes across the forest. Then, she turns and storms away a few feet, to the side of the stream, and crouches by it.
Oh. I look down at the cookies in my hand. She's right. They absolutely could have waited for me to make the ladder and we could have eaten them inside the ship. Maybe it was thoughtless of me to bring them down with me. But…I also know my limits. That tree was an easy climb, for all that it was tall and steep. The bark is so knotted that it's practically got handholds.
So I go and sit next to Alice. She doesn't look over at me, just huddles next to the stream and stares furiously at the calm, bubbling water.
"Go on," I say, and pat my chest.
That gets her attention. She glares at me. "Go on, what?"
"Go on and smack me. You're mad. You think I'm being careless and I'll end up dead and you'll be here alone."
Her lips purse. She searches my face for a moment, and then straightens. "I'm mad because I value this stupid hide of yours even if you don't," she hisses. "And I wouldn't be mad if you ended up dead BECAUSE I'd be here alone. I'd be mad because you're dead!"
Well now. That makes me grin. "You love me."
Her brows lower and now she really looks as if she wants to smother me in my sleep. "I'm regretting it."
"You do love me, though." She's never said it—heck, she's not even saying it now—because that's who Alice is. She's too cautious. She keeps thinking the universe is out to get her. That if she admits she cares for me, I'm suddenly going to decide I don't want her.
That's cute. Extremely wrong, but cute.
"Here's the thing, Sunshine." I lean over, nudging her slightly with my shoulder. "I know I scare you sometimes. I know you think I'm being heedless, but I absolutely know my own limits. You think I don't? After years of watching others have fun? After two sets of lungs giving out on me? I know what I can handle and what I can't, so you have to trust me a little more. If I say I can climb down with cookies in my hand, I can absolutely climb down with cookies. If I was being reckless, I would have jumped down with an entire crate—"
She shoots me a withering look.
"—so that's all I'm saying." I raise my hands in the air. "I know you've been taught to expect the worst, but I also feel you need to have a little faith in me, too. Haven't I kept you safe?"