I took a long breath and tried to call her again. I didn’t leave a message, figuring she wouldn’t listen to it. I texted her a couple of times. Then I waited and hoped she’d respond. I had done everything including standing on her doorstep uninvited and she had sent me away. I was going to have to do something I wasn’t accustomed to at all. I was going to have to wait, be patient, and let her take the lead. I sat in bed and stared crazily at my phone, wishing she’d call me.
Every time I checked—and I checked too often—the messages I’d sent were on ‘read’. No reply. No triple dots of her typing and then deleting, no sign that she was going to respond to me at all. I sat there, knowing I deserved it, and knowing even more that if she was worth fighting for, she was worth waiting for as well. No matter how difficult it was for a man of action to be patient instead.
29
Rachel
The alert on my phone pinged again. I knew it was Max. He’d been blowing up my phone with calls and texts. Wanting to apologize, wanting to see me, wanting to explain. The sharp ding of the alert was painful to hear. I didn’t want to deal with him. I had no idea what to say. What would he think of me? And with the way he had talked to the woman on the recording—'be good, stay quiet’—could I tell him about the pregnancy at all? I didn’t believe that Max had really taken anyone’s baby away from them. I knew him too well for that. But I also knew firsthand how masterful, how controlling he could be. Once he knew about the pregnancy, he would undoubtedly take charge of it. He’d want to make sure I wasn’t on my feet too much, that I took vitamins, drank enough water, went to all my appointments. In short, he’d want to take care of me, which was nice, but he would be overprotective, which was smothering. I wasn’t sure even someone as stubborn as I was, could hold out long under the force of his personality. A tiny part of me wondered if I wanted him to take over, if I wanted him to take charge and care for me.
Another annoyingly cheerful ding from my phone. I picked it up, ready to shut it off for the evening. I was anxious and my phone lighting up and jingling all the time was getting on my nerves, especially when I was avoiding the fact that I had to tell him the truth. I glanced at the screen to check the time and saw the latest message he’d sent.
I owe you an explanation, Rach. Please call.
Just do it, I thought. Just bite the bullet, make the call. I hit the button and waited. As soon as it began to ring, he answered.
“Rachel,” he said, relief in his voice, “Are you okay?”
“No,” I said truthfully.
“Please come over so we can discuss this. I’d come to you, but Sadie’s asleep,” he said.
The picture in my mind of Sadie curled on her side, Mooshie clutched in her arm, her star-shaped nightlight glowing softly, warmed me. I missed her. Missed them both.
“Okay,” I said softly.
I only cleaned up a little, brushed my teeth and hair. I wasn’t changing out of my leggings and baggy t-shirt for this. There was no pair of skinny jeans or sexy skirt that would work as armor for a life-altering discussion so I might as well be comfy. I didn’t try to hide my dark circles, the lines of worry on my face. Let him see, I thought, let him see how miserable I’ve been.
When I got there, I dodged the hug he wanted to give me for a greeting. I sat carefully on the opposite end of the couch from where he usually sat. I tried not to think of the times we’d all three snuggled there, watching something and sharing popcorn. It made my chest hurt and my eyes burn just being there. I placed my hands on my knees and stared at them, unwilling to look up.
“I know you heard something on a voicemail the other day. That was Jenna, the woman who gave birth to Sadie and left her with me as a newborn. At the time, she volunteered to sign away her rights, and I made sure it was in the papers that she would not try to contact Sadie until she was eighteen. She showed up here last week and Sadie answered the door.”
“Oh no,” I said, wishing I could wrap the little girl in a protective hug right then.
“Yeah, and I got her to go out on the porch with me and left Sadie watching Frozen 2.”