“Thanks. I’m not sure that’s a good thing sometimes. I’m always working for the next thing. I don’t always take time to enjoy what I’ve got now.”
“Sadie’s good for that. She’ll keep you in the moment. I don’t think I was ever really present until I had her. When I’m with her, I don’t want to be anywhere else, and I’m not thinking of what else I could be doing or a better way to spend my time. Being a dad shuts that down. I bet spending time with her will stop your brain from spinning for a little while.”
“It may. She’s a great kid. I like her a lot. And I’m grateful for the opportunity, and for the chance to make enough to top off my down payment on the diner. I need this job, and I’m lucky it’s a job taking care of Sadie. I would’ve dug ditches if I had to.”
“I know,” I said, and I did know. I saw how fiercely she wanted to prove herself. She gave me a smile that was almost bashful.
“Is it hard, letting Denise go?”
“It’s inconvenient. Sadie was comfortable with her.”
“You’ve shared Sadie with her for years. That’s the closest you’ve had to a co-parent, is what I’m saying. She was the witness to a lot of your daughter’s growing up. It’s got to be hard to let go of someone you share those memories with.”
“I don’t look at it like that. She was very helpful, and I’m grateful to her.”
“That’s warm,” she said sarcastically.
“I’m sorry for her because her mother is sick, and I wish she wasn’t moving. It would have been better for Sadie to have continuity.”
“Change can be good, too. I’m going to be good for Sadie,” she said.
“I think you’re right about that. You’re younger and more energetic. She’ll have fun learning to make pies from you.”
“Thank you,” she said.
“I think I should thank you. For your patience. And for being willing to spend so much time with Sadie this summer. I’m not sure how many young women would want to take care of a six-year-old when they don’t have kids themselves. Without an alternative motive.”
“You mean a woman who isn’t trying to catch you. I’m not.”
“I know. And that’s pathetically true. I could have had any number of people watch Sadie all summer for free, if I was willing to show an interest in them romantically. It’s easier to keep people at arm’s length if you’re acting like an ass part of the time,” I confessed.
“I can’t imagine having to deal with all that unwanted attention,” she said.
“Well, I doubt that. Not to bring up an uncomfortable subject, but the guy the other night at the bar—”
“Ugh. Don’t remind me. I appreciate your help, but it was embarrassing that I couldn’t get him to leave me alone.”
“Don’t be embarrassed. It wasn’t your fault he did that.”
“You swooped in and saved me,” she said with a half-smile.
“I didn’t swoop.”
“You did. You swooped. I saw you. You saved me. I wish I’d been nicer about it and really thanked you. I was just—really—humiliated.”
“He’s the one who should have been humiliated for acting like such a fool. If It weren’t for Sadie, for being a dad, I would’ve really enjoyed beating the hell out of him. It might’ve taught him a lesson.”
“I doubt it. Some guys never learn that no means no.”
“They should. I think I’ve seen that go on all my life, but once I had a daughter—I know how cliché that sounds—I wanted the world to be better for her. I look back and think of all the times I could’ve had the privilege of beating the hell out of some entitled jerk, and I just let it pass. Now I know I have a responsibility to step in, partly because some men only listen to other men.”
“It doesn’t hurt that you’re huge. I mean, even a guy who doesn’t want to listen is going to look at your shoulders and think, ‘this dude can kick my ass, so I should back off.’ It’s not exactly the lesson on boundaries we want them to learn though.”
“Maybe it’s enough to make them think twice next time. I don’t know how to fix it, I just wish I could,” he trailed off, uncomfortable. So, I changed the subject.
We talked a little more about the financial aspect of the job, the spending money I’d provide for her to do things with Sadie and pick up things she might need or want like new goggles for swimming lessons or whatever. She said again that she was surprised I paid so much. My daughter is worth that much, I told her, and the right kind of care for her was priceless. She nodded. I think she was used to struggling, and I didn’t like that. I didn’t like how hard she had to work for everything she had. What little that was—a crappy car and long work hours and now an extra job. I’d trust her that it was worth it to her. But it chafed at me in some way, some part of me that felt protective toward her. Dangerous territory.