I wasn't stupid. I knew he wasn't making out with Katie, but it didn't matter. She had touched him and he had allowed it. Not only that, but her affections had always been encouraged by him during training and God knows where else, so it was inevitable for her to have kissed him. He put himself in that position, and I wasn't about to forgive him about it.
It had been three days since that dinner, and we had not spoken once. It hurt, but I refused to talk to him about it. I knew I would have to eventually, but I wasn't ready. He had been texting me nonstop, and calling at all hours. He had even messaged Julie to try to get her to convince me to talk to him. She had put in her best effort, too, because she really had wanted us to talk, to work things out. She and I had even tussled about it, but I didn't think it was any of her business, and I wasn't going to be forced to do it. I wasn't ready to talk to Jet, and I couldn’t care less about how heartbroken he was over the whole thing. He had broken my heart, and I didn't particularly like him at that moment. He would just have to wait until I felt ready to deal with him.
What did I want? I had no idea. I thought I had wanted Jet, but we had been together at that point for about four seconds, and it was too soon for us to be having any kind of problems. We should have been living in bliss. The first year of a new relationship was always the honeymoon stage, and already we were having problems. They weren’t little problems, either. I should not have had to deal with another woman so soon into our relationship. It wasn't right, and I felt sick about the fact that it was there.
It hit too close to home from me. The fact that Tom had cheated on me; the thing he had done for so long. I had spent years with Tom, and still he had betrayed me. That's why this bothered me so much. I didn't think I could deal with another relationship where I couldn't trust the guy I was with. How could I be with Jet after what had happened? Katie would always be around, because she was one of his teammates, and apparently part of his family. So if we stayed together she would always be around, I would have to deal with that girl forever. Screw that; I didn't have to do anything. I deserved better and I wanted to be with a guy who understood that.
I was intensely insecure; I knew that. I knew that my feelings had a lot to do with the fact that she was so beautiful and so fit, and everyone on the team loved her. Even Jet's own roommate had wanted Katie and Jet to get together. So how was that supposed to make me feel? Fucked up, that's what. I felt fucked up. That one kiss had brought out every insecurity that I had, and I didn't know how to deal with it. Someone whom I had deemed better suited for Jet had kissed him. He hadn't pushed her off. He hadn't done anything, and it had made me feel like shit.
I was better off with someone more like me?not the most popular guy on campus, because when it came right down to it, there would always be hot girls after Jet. Always. He was a handsome guy, my guy ... or so I thought. But I would have to always deal with situations where other girls were trying to get a piece of him or try to steal him away, and I didn't think I could handle it.
Class ended, and I couldn't remember one thing that the professor had talked about during the whole class.
“Hey, do you want to go grab a coffee and talk about things?” Brenda asked.
“No, I don't. In fact, I have to go home and work on my creative writing project. I'm starting to get behind and I don't want to.”
“Natalie, you really don't seem like yourself. I think it would be good for you to talk about things. I know you're upset about Jet, but talking about it can really help.”
“I understand, and I do thank you for your concern, but right now I don't want to think about Jet at all. I have stuff to do, and right now Jet is just getting in the way of that.”
“Well, if you change your mind just give me a call, okay? You know where to find me.”
I smiled. “Thanks Brenda, I really do appreciate it. I just can't deal with it right now.”
I walked out of class and walked back to my apartment. When I arrived, I could hear the shower running and knew that Julie was home from class as well.
I went to the kitchen and poured a glass of wine. I took a slow sip of it, and wished that I could run a bath and relax in some hot water. But that was going to have to wait.
Heading to my bedroom, I heard the shower stop running. I opened my door and closed it behind me. I went and lay down on my bed, trying to get focused on writing my project. It had been really stupid of me to put so much of my focus on Jet when it came to my art projects. Now I was in distress over Jet, yet I had to work on projects that involved him. I didn't know what I was thinking, and the funny thing was that Julie had warned me against doing just that.
I pulled out my notepad and reviewed what I had written a few days ago. I had been writing for a few days, and I had written everything right up until the Thanksgiving dinner. I had included everything that had happened so far, and the whole thing just made me sad. I considered ripping it up and starting from scratch, but it would be too much work. I would have to come up with a new story, and I didn't think that I could do it. Especially with my current state of mind. It was too much work. But I didn't think that I could deal with the ending that I had, either. I wanted to change it?not have the ending be as it was. This was my work of fiction and I wanted it to be incredible, not just another lame ass story about a guy who cheats on his girlfriend. So I went to work on it. I changed how the Thanksgiving dinner ended; there was forgiveness. There was love at the end, and the guy never strayed again. He stayed with the girl he was with, and eventually fell in love with her. They lived happily ever after, as they say.
Too bad reality didn't work the same way. Ugh, I was already sick of my own attitude. I had to get out of the funk I was in. Really, what was I going to do? Was I going to grab Julie once again and return to the bar to drown my sorrows away in drink? No, I was done with that. I would move on, and I would grow from my experiences. In the end everything would work out just the way it was supposed to.
I set my story aside and sipped the wine. I loved Julie's choices of wine; they were specialty wines and types I never would have chosen myself had I gone to the wine store.
My phone chirped, and again it was Jet, asking if we could talk. I shut my phone off and leaned against the pillows on my bed. There was a knock on my door, and Julie peeked in. She was wearing a black silk robe and her hair was tied up in a towel.
“Hey, how ya holding up?”
I smiled. “I'm okay.”
“Are you really?”
Tears welled up in my eyes and spilled down my cheeks. Julie hurried into the room and sat on the bed beside me. She took me in her arms for a big hug, and it was the perfect tight hug to make me feel better.
“It's okay, Natalie, everything is going to be okay.”
I sobbed into my friend’s shoulder, feeling a combination of foolishness and relief. When my tears finally stopped falling, I pulled away from her and wiped at my eyes. I could just imagine what I must look like.
“God, I'm sorry.”
“Don't be silly, Natalie, it was probably the best thing for you. I don't think I saw you cry even once over Tom. It's okay to be sad, but it's also okay to forgive and move on.”
“Do you think I'm being an idiot about Thanksgiving?”
“Of course not. What happened that night was wrong. You definitely shouldn't have had to deal with that sort of nonsense. And Katie? That girl just needs to get slapped.”