“You mean his murder.” I raise an eyebrow, glad she can’t see my angry eyes.
“Yes,” she murmurs. “His murder. I hope they figure out who it was.”
I sigh, looking forward. “If they haven’t by now, I doubt they ever will. The cops were relieved he was gone. It meant he couldn’t keep running deals in their area—that they knew of anyway. Whoever got to my father was smart about it.”
I huff a laugh and she looks over at me. “What are you laughing about?” she inquires.
“I was just thinking…about something my husband Toni did.” I swallow the lump in my throat. “He was so furious about the news. He looked up to my dad. My dad was pretty much his mentor. He brought him in, took him under his wing. He showed him the ropes. When it happened, Toni was in Washington handling some business. He was so angry—so hurt. He cried for hours behind closed doors with me when he came back. We…cried together.” I smash my lips, hoping it will hurt enough to rid me of my unwanted tears. “He loved Daddy. Probably more than I did,” I laugh in a joking manner.
“I bet he did. Your dad was very loveable and charismatic. Your mom—I remember her being head over heels for that man. Their marriage…I would never admit this to them, but I envied it. I wished me and Mr. Molina were as close as they were, but he worked so much and then…poof. He was gone. Just like that.”
She forces a smile, as if it doesn’t cause her any pain just thinking about it, but I know it does. I know because I lost my husband too, and I didn’t even get to spend enough time with him to grow a family or add years under our marriage belt.
I wonder what our first child would have been. Toni wanted a boy. I so badly wanted a girl. A mini-me. I’m not sure why. I guess seeing pink clothes and rosy cheeks was more appealing to me.
Now…well, I’d never raise a child in this sort of environment. Not unless I can get away. But even so, there is no one else I want to have a child with. Toni was the man I imagined as the father of my children. He was great with kids—wonderful, in fact. I couldn’t wait to see how he’d take care of ours.
Anger blinds me and I push up to a stand, pulling my T-shirt off and then walking towards the ocean. “I’m going to test the waters,” I say to Mrs. Molina without looking at her.
I can feel her watching me, but right now I have to remember that even though she is sweet, she is still Draco’s mother. She is related to him and I have no doubt that she will tell him anything I said if he asks.
Her son called the hit on my husband. He still has my ring. I hate him, probably more so than she loves him. Yes, it’s that deep for me.
I can’t reveal too much. She’ll snitch on me in a heartbeat.
I have to remain distant.
I feel her eyes on me as the cool blue water runs over my bare feet. I stare down at my splotchy toenails. The room I’m in has everything a woman needs. Nail polish, nail polish remover, pads, tampons, extra tissue, and a closet full of clothes.
I wonder if Francesca set all that up, or if Draco is so fucking sadistic that he keeps that specific room stocked for captors like me.
I can’t think about it too much. When I think about how gracious I should be that he’s even letting me wash and take care of myself, I want to hurl. But the ball in my stomach is so tight.
I’ve unleashed every emotion I’ve had.
I can’t even cry anymore. I don’t cry at night, but I wish I could.
It’s like I’ve been drained of all emotions. I don’t even understand myself anymore. What the hell am I doing? Why am I not trying to run away? Why haven’t I fucked the boss to get out of this place yet?
My brain is telling me to be wise, to use my body if it means escape but…I’m afraid. I can’t.
Because when I think about doing something with it with someone else, I think about Toni, and how he’d feel so betrayed if he were still alive.
I think about how I should be honoring him by staying away from the man that had him killed.
I know he’s watching…and he isn’t pleased.
But Toni doesn’t understand. In order for me to get out and truly mourn his loss, I have to dirty myself up a little. I can’t pretend I’m not wanted.
“You know, Draco was really close to your dad too.” Mrs. Molina pops up beside me and I gasp, clutching the heart of my chest.