Her brows drew in as she gave me a bewildered look. “Why not?”
I stared at her for a moment too long before I saw it in her eyes. She looked down at Ben before her gaze met mine again.
With a laugh, I said, “I lived for being a SEAL, Willa. When we weren’t on an op, I nearly crawled out of my skin.”
“Did you date anyone?” she asked.
“I went out a few times. Nothing serious. The last thing I wanted was to put someone through the life I lived. The divorce rate among SEALS is pretty high.”
She nodded, and for a moment she seemed to be in deep thought. I wondered if our conversation in the barn so many years ago was beginning to make more sense to her. “I can imagine. But you did have some friends who were married?”
“Yeah, there were a few guys who somehow managed to make it work. Most didn’t though.”
“Was it because you were gone so much?”
I turned and looked at her. “Even when you’re home, you’re not really there.”
She gave me a single nod without further explanation. “Like earlier, at the orchard. You drifted away for a bit.”
All I did was nod.
Ben crawled over to me and into my lap. Willa grinned as she watched her son pull himself up and stand on my legs. He slapped at my face.
“The wind machine,” she said softly.
I tried not to flinch, but I still did. “Yeah. Sometimes I find myself remembering things.”
“I’m going to guess they aren’t good memories?” She tilted her head as she watched me with those gorgeous blue eyes of hers.
“No, Willa, never good things.”
Willa
My heart instantly ached at the pain in Aiden’s voice. He quickly focused on Ben, and the tension that had built up so fast faded away. I watched him for a bit as he leaned back and held Ben up over his body, making the baby laugh with such a force that I couldn’t help but laugh myself.
“Be careful. If you do that too much, he’s going to puke on you,” I warned.
Aiden turned and looked at me, and my stomach dropped as he lowered Ben onto his chest. My son laid his head down on Aiden.
“I do believe you’ve put my son under a spell, Mr. O’Hara.”
With a wicked grin, he said, “I do believe I once had you under a spell as well.”
“How do you know I’m not still under it?”
His smile faltered for a moment, and he looked back at Ben as he sat up and held him to his chest. “I think if you were still under it, I wouldn’t be holding this little guy.”
I drew my knees up to my chest and watched Aiden place Ben back on the blanket to play with him.
“I waited for you, even though you told me not to,” I finally said, my voice so soft I was sure it would have drifted off on a breeze before he could hear it.
He did hear it, though, because he replied, “I know you did. I’m sorry.”
With my chin resting on my knees, I looked out over the lake, just a few hundred feet away. It was so still, the sky and trees reflecting off it as if it were a giant mirror sitting on the ground.
“When Brian showed up in my life, I was not the least bit interested in him. I mean, I dated guys, lost my virginity in college, and never really thought much about finding someone. I guess in my mind, I hoped someday you might change your mind and want to marry me and have babies.” I let out a humorless laugh.
“Willa,” Aiden whispered as he reached for my hand. “I couldn’t do that to you. I wouldn’t make you leave Boggy Creek, your family, your dreams. Not to sit in a house, alone ninety percent of the time, worrying if I would even come back or not. I lov—” He cleared his throat. “I cared too much about you to put you through that.”
My heart slammed against the wall of my chest as I realized he was about to say he loved me. My emotions swirled like mad, nearly leaving me breathless as I let it all settle in.
“I know, it just took me a long time to finally admit it—not that I ever truly did. That’s why I let myself believe I could maybe have a future with Brian. I think all along I simply liked the idea of it all.”
Aiden frowned. “What do you mean?”
I shook my head. “I don’t know what I mean, Aiden. For years and years, I dreamed of one man. You. A life with you. I told myself countless times that someday you would decide you couldn’t live without me and you’d sweep in and take me away. But deep down, I knew that wasn’t true. I knew that day in my barn that you’d made your choice. I thought I had come to terms with it after a few years, when I finally allowed myself to date. To lose my virginity, to fall into a relationship with Brian, who was the total opposite of you. I tried so hard to push my feelings for you into this part of my heart that I honestly thought I could lock away. Then, when things started to get serious, I knew I could never truly give my heart to him. He found out I wanted to leave, and the next thing I knew, I was pregnant.”