All she heard was the damn moaning outside. It was growing in volume so most likely more of those things were showing up outside the building.
The water was growing colder.
She reached out and turned off the flow and struggled to her feet. Her body hurt more than she realized and she stumbled getting out of the shower.
Landing hard on the mat, she threw up her hands and started to cry all over again.
Rage filled her and she kicked the door to the cabinet under the sink again for good measure. Wiping her tears away angrily with her cold fingers, she snorted and sniffled, her nose running wildly.
Why…why…why…gawddammit…why…
She buried her face in her hands and curled her knees up to her chest and sobbed.
A gentle hand on her damp hair made her raise her head. Jenni's face swam before her, pale and concerned. Jack sat at her side, yawning, and looking bleary-eyed.
"I just can't," Katie whispered.
Jenni stroked her face and her mouth pursed in thought. "Can't what?"
"Let her be dead in my heart, in my mind," she answered.
Katie refused to look at the image in her mind of Lydia shrieking and charging her, her chest torn open, and her heart gone. Instead, she made herself see Lydia, as she had been just thirty minutes before that, smiling, happy, kissing her softly goodbye, a cup of coffee clutched in one hand.
Jenni wrapped her arms around Katie and held her gently. Her black hair was soft and soothing on her cold skin and Katie leaned into her. They sat that way for a long time, until Katie's sobs subsided.
Awkwardness set in and Jenni sat back, her brow furrowed, looking anxious, and maybe even confused. Her T-shirt and shorts, which both read "Hunters do it better", were now damp.
Katie rubbed her face and felt flushed and tired. Nothing in this new world felt right. Nothing.
It was then Jenni tried to kiss her, very awkwardly and unsure of herself.
Katie caught her immediately and held her back. "Don't. "
"I just want to make you feel-" Jenni mumbled, her face reddening.
"Don't. I'm not your husband. I don't need sex to comfort me. Or make me feel better. " Katie held Jenni firmly back. She realized in that moment she had been waiting for this. Subconsciously, she had understood that Jenni was looking for security in this new world. And that would mean Katie fitting into a role Jenni understood. Jenni was used to a strong male figure that she could calm with sex, follow obediently and maybe fear a little.
Jenni lowered her eyes and tears fell. "I don't know…I just wanted…"
Katie smiled and forced her to look at her. "It's okay. I understand. But this is not who you are. Right?"
Jenni nodded slowly. "I thought I could learn-"
"This is not who we are," Katie said firmly and stroked Jenni's hair.
Jenni looked at her, eyes wide, trying to understand. "I just want to be useful. For you to need me. "
"But I do, Jenni. We are bonded by all that happened today. For better or for worse, we have a bond. You and me. " Katie took Jenni's hands firmly in her own and held them tightly. "My Dad always told me about his war buddies. They loved each other and they shared a bond no one really understood because they are not a part of it. I think I understand that now. "
Jenni sat down all the way next to her Indian-style, her hair falling over one shoulder. Jack immediately plunked down and set his head on Jenni's knee. "I don't know how to…I don't have female friends or know any…lesbians…or…" Jenni rubbed her nose with the palm of her hand rather rigorously. "I don't know how to act. "
Katie smiled at her and kissed one of Jenni's hands. "That's okay. Hell, for both of us to be utterly insane right now is okay. But just know I just need you as my friend. I just need you to be whoever you are, Jenni. Okay?"
Jenni nodded thoughtfully and smiled. "Okay. " And she seemed relieved.
Katie forced herself to stand up and pulled on the T-shirt and shorts Jenni had left in the bathroom for her. Her business clothes were wadded up in the trash bin along with her high heels. She knew she would never wear them again and in a way, that was a relief.
"I wish it would stop," Jenni whispered.