The conversation was over, and I knew it. I would never get what I wanted out of him. It was hopeless.
He stared at me with that same agitated expression, hoping that he got through to me.
“Dex, what I’m about to say has nothing to do with us. I know she really hurt you, traumatized you, fucked you up badly… But someone who really loves you would never do that. Don’t be afraid to try again someday, even if it’s with someone other than me. Because you deserve to be loved the way you love other people. You deserve to have someone who has your back through and through. And I believe that you will find that someday…if you let it happen.”
12
Dex
It was awkward for a couple days.
That was the first time I’d turned down a woman so beautiful, other than when I was married. Not only was Sicily sexy as hell, but she had a good heart, someone who was perfect at my side because we shared the same values.
It was hard to say no. It really was.
But I knew how it felt to have your heart ripped out of your chest, and I would never do that to someone else. I couldn’t in good conscience agree to anything with her, not when I was broken like this, not when there was no chance I could give her more.
It wouldn’t be right.
When I was in my lab at the research center, she stopped by and gave me an update on messages and other important things. “Mr. Garcia called. He said he’s having some chest pain and wanted to talk to you about it. His follow-up appointment isn’t until next week—”
“That’s fine. Set up a virtual appointment so I can see him.” If my patients ever felt any doubt about their condition, especially after surgery, I was happy to evaluate them and put them at ease. If they are stressed, their blood pressure will rise, and their anxiety will cause unnecessary damage when they should be resting.
“Okay. And your lunch is on your desk. Do you want to eat before?”
“Yes. I’m starving.”
“Alright.” She turned away and walked out.
I followed a moment later, feeling the difference in our relationship. We were both professional, getting along just fine, but she had pulled away, physically and emotionally, and while it sucked, I knew it was for the best.
I missed the way it used to be, though.
I joined her in my office and ate my lunch, eggplant parmesan with garlic bread, and she worked on my computer to set up my appointment with Mr. Garcia, who’d had an operation last week. When it was ready to go, she called him from the phone on my desk and walked him through the setup until he was on the screen.
“Dr. Hamilton will be with you in a moment, alright?” She had the screen turned away so he couldn’t see me.
“Whoa, I’m already going to see him?” Mr. Garcia asked.
“Yep,” she said with a nod. “Dr. Hamilton is always there for his patients.”
“Yeah, he sure is.”
She stepped away from my desk then let herself out.
I finished my last couple bites before I wiped my face and turned the screen toward me. “Hey, Mr. Garcia. Sicily tells me you’re having some chest pain. Can you talk to me about it?” We spoke for a couple minutes, and everything he described were symptoms of anxiety, not a cardiac issue.
But I understood. The guy just had heart surgery, he was nervous, it happened.
“So, what do you think?” Mr. Garcia asked. “Should I be concerned?”
I shook my head. “I think you’re just under some stress. I’m pretty confident that everything is well with your heart. You’re dealing with some anxiety, which is okay. You’ve been through a lot.”
We talked for a little while longer until he signed off.
Sicily returned a moment later, in a loose sweater that hung off one shoulder and tight jeans underneath with heels. She had her folders and notebook with her, carrying it everywhere she went. She took a seat across from me, her eyes directed to her notes, where they usually remained these days so she could avoid eye contact with me. “I’ve got everything ready for the dinner next Saturday. I’ve got the guest list, took care of the flowers, the decorations, the food, all the good stuff. But is there something you want me to pick up for you? Something to wear?”
I rolled my head back and sighed. “Fuck, I have to wear a suit. Man, I hate that shit.”
She gave a slight smile. “Yeah, I figured.”
“Yeah. I have one in my closet.”
“Maybe we should get you something new, something fitted.”
I didn’t care about appearances and all that bullshit, but I just went with it. “Sure.”
“And your TED Talk is scheduled for tomorrow. They’re filming in the morning.”