Alina.
She never gave up on me even when no one else thought I was going to make it. She kept coming here and checking on me. Dr. Reiss said Alina would sit next to me, hold my hand, and talk to me for hours. I remind myself once again how well she understands me. She knew who I used to be, and apparently thought that man still exists inside of me somewhere.
Does he? Can I be that person again?
I’m not completely sure if that is good enough. I had a rough start, and I don’t think I’ll ever fit anyone’s idea of Prince Charming. I’m on too much medication right now to remember any dreams, but I doubt my nightmares will just disappear when I go home. I still have the occasional panic attack, and I’m ultimately a mess to anyone in my life.
Alina’s seen all that in me. What’s more, she saw a different side of me first. It might not have been in person, but she knows what I went through and seems to get it.
I fucked it up with Lia. I am not going to let that happen again.
I open my eyes a
nd realize Jonathan and Eddie-boy have been talking the whole time.
“Omarie and Junko were definitely working with them.” Eddie-boy brings something up on his phone, but I don’t look at it. “We recovered all the guns from a storage place out in the west side of town.”
“I got a plan for them,” Jonathan says. “I got security putting it together now.”
“No,” I tell him. I shake my head vigorously, which makes me a little dizzy. The last thing I need is more blood on my hands. I already have a spot in hell right next to Lady Macbeth.
“No?” Jonathan narrows his eyes at me. “What do ya mean, brotha? They were in on it. We gotta take care of them.”
“No, we don’t. If what you said is right, they were being paid off by Taylor, Beni, and Becca. All three of them are gone now, so there’s no one left to pay them. They aren’t a threat anymore. Let them know they’re getting their one and only pass, and make sure they stay in the south.”
“All right,” Jonathan says with a shake of his head. “If you say so, boss. I’ll call off the dogs.”
“I do.” I look between both men and take a deep breath. “I’m tired, guys. I think I need to get some sleep.”
“You got it, boss.”
I don’t chastise Jonathan for his reference, but it leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. They both stand to leave, and I reach out for Eddie-boy before he can get away.
“You saved my life,” I say as I grip his hand. “Thanks, Eddie-boy.”
“Aw, shit, LT. You saved my ass plenty of times. You’re going to have to get shot a few more times before we’re even.”
“I’d rather not if that’s okay with you.”
He laughs.
A nurse walks in and places her hands on her hips.
“Visiting hours ended twenty minutes ago. Mr. Arden needs his rest now.”
“Don’t get your scrubs all in a bunch,” Jonathan says to her. “We were just goin’.”
I really don’t know what I’m going to do.
Chapter 24—Different Outlook
“Hello, Evan.”
I look at Mark Duncan for a long moment. He’s thinner and a little greyer than the last time I saw him. There’s also a ring on his finger that didn’t use to be there. I’m actually pleased to see it—he’d been dwelling on a love long gone.
It’s good to move on.
“Are you good to talk to me?” he asks. “When I heard you were here, I had to come and check on you. I’m glad to hear that you’re doing so well. I have to admit, I’m also glad to hear the gunshot was not self-inflicted.”