“Yes, Leo. Your dick is huge, okay? You have such a big cock that I had to take a hot shower to try and relieve my soreness down there. I can’t believe how big you are, you’re probably the biggest guy I’ve ever been with.”
Now, I definitely couldn’t hold back a smile.
“Great, now that we got that out of the way. Just say it. Tell me what you want. I need to hear it.”
“You’re throwing a million things at me right now, Lala. It’s hard to follow.”
She stepped toward me until we were face-to-face, inches apart. “Then I’ll make it simple for you. Just ask me to stay. That’s all you have to do. Do you want me to stay or am I shipping off to an island with Cain?”
“What the fuck does Cain have to do with us? I thought there was nothing going on between you two.”
“Then why bring him up?”
“He’s beside the point.”
“Then why mention him at all?”
“Ugh! You’re not answering my question!”
“That’s because I don’t know the right answer!”
“You either want me or you don’t, Leo. It’s that simple.”
“Not to me. This is the hardest request you’ve ever asked of me. I can’t answer you when I can still taste you on my tongue, when I can still feel your pussy gripping onto my cock, when I can still hear you screaming my fucking name!” I argued, trying to gather my thoughts. “This isn’t simple. Nothing about what happened between us last night is simple, Mila. And the fact that you think it’s so easy for me to just change what we are together when your flight leaves in four hours, is so fucking mind-blowing to me! All I’ve done for the last month is try to get used to the idea of you not being here every single moment of my day. To try and get used to not relying on you, hanging out with you, waiting for you. You’ve been my best friend for as long as I can remember and I’m just trying to return the favor. I can’t ask you to stay and I won’t. Especially, for me.”
“If it isn’t simple, then that’s all I have to know, Leo. That’s all we’ve ever been… simple. Mila and Leo. Leo and Mila. If what you feel for me isn’t easy to answer, well, then I guess that’s the end of this conversation.”
“How do you want me to feel? What do you want me to feel?”
“I can’t answer that for you.”
“Then why would you expect me to ask you to stay, for me? I can’t choose your life for you. It would only ruin what we have.”
“You don’t think last night already did that?”
“For fuck sake, Lala. I made you come! Why is it that all girls have to read into it?”
“So, I’m all girls now?”
“No! Shit! I don’t know what I’m saying. I didn’t mean that. I’m just… fuck!”
She backed away, looking every bit as disappointed as I felt. “All right, I understand. Loud and clear, Leo. Loud and fucking clear.”
With that, she turned and left.
I wanted to rip my hair out and I resisted the urge to do exactly that. Instead, I paced around the cabin, not knowing what to do.
Chase after her?
Tell her what she wanted to hear?
What I wanted so desperately to say.
Things would be good for a while until she realized she gave up her dreams for me. I wouldn’t lose her, just to have her stay, only to end up losing her in the end. I’d rather she stay in my life as my best friend than risk losing what we have.
It killed me inside.
One month later
Every morning my day started at six a.m. I shoved the covers off my body and made myself get up. This was the trick in making sure you didn’t hit the snooze button on your alarm, place your phone on the opposite end of your room. Since I lived in a studio apartment in the marina, mine was my kitchen.
The biggest obstacle was to not crawl back into my bed. On most days, I accomplished this task very easily. It was better to keep my mind occupied rather than let it wander. The moments it went on its own, I thought about you-know-who.
Yep, I reverted to referring to my best friend as you-know-who. In my head, it made it much easier to not picture his handsome, stupid smiling face when I thought about him at all.
The last month, my day started with drinking a full glass of warm lemon water while I leaned over the island. I went through my emails, noticing there was one from you-know-who. There was always one from you know who. It wasn’t that I was trying to ignore him, it was more like I honestly didn’t have time for him.