“What world? Where do I fit in that you don’t?
“New York City! That woman!” I knew I wasn’t making a ton of sense, but the emotions battling through me challenged coherent speech. He continued looking at me, baffled. “I saw you,” I insisted.
“What?”
“I saw you kissing Courtney. At the party.”
“Courtney?”
“Don’t make me drag through all the details!” I rubbed my forehead with my hands. “You know what I’m talking about. Courtney, in the hallway.”
“That?”
“Yes, that,” I said, exasperated. “Don’t act like it’s nothing.”
“What do you think you saw?” He looked befuddled and as exasperated as me.
“I don’t think I saw! I know I saw you kiss her!”
“Kara—”
“Do you deny it?”
“No, but it’s not…that drunk socialite? She’s nothing to me.”
“That doesn’t exactly make me feel better.” How could he be so cold and callous about his conquests?
“She was drunk and she kissed me. One second longer you would have seen me pushing her off.”
“I don’t believe you.” I shook my head. I didn’t want his sweet-talking. I knew the man could tempt me into anything. I needed to block my ears like a sailor to the sirens or I’d end up crashed on the rocks. I should have stuffed my ears with cotton balls so I wouldn’t succumb to his words. Actions spoke much louder, and I knew what I’d seen. “I can’t believe you, Declan.”
We stood there, not touching in the darkness.
“You’ve broken my heart, Declan. Twice now.” I shook my head, trying not to cry. “I can’t trust you. There’s too much mess between us. Don’t ask me to do this. I can’t.” I couldn’t help it. The sobs welled up and burst through, my shoulders sagging into the weight of my tears. “I can’t let you break my heart again. Please.”
He took a step closer.
“No!” The word came out strong, much stronger and more certain than I felt. But I knew if he touched me, held me in his strong, solid arms I’d never stand a chance.
“Declan, if you care about me at all, please go away. I don’t want what you have to offer. I need you to leave. I can’t do this.”
With that I turned and walked up to the big house on the hill. I shook as I walked, but I hoped he couldn’t see. I made it up the stairs and through the front door. No hand came around my waist, no voice called for me to stop.
I closed the door behind me and sat at the kitchen table in the darkness. I heard the engine of his truck start, the sound of his wheels on the dirt driveway.
Declan drove out of my life. Just like he had the first time. Only this time, I knew it was forever.
CHAPTER 5
Declan
First thing I did back in Billings was get Lymon Culpepper’s phone number. What kind of a name was Lymon fucking Culpepper? Who was this joker? He wasn’t going to be the owner of Kara’s ranch, I knew that much.
Nine a.m., I had my lawyer make the phone call. Fifteen minutes later he phoned me back. The deal was done. All that pain and worry I’d put Kara through and all it took me was a two-minute phone call plus some wait time as my lawyer did his job. I truly was an asshole.
You know who might have been a bigger one, though? That Culpepper asshat. First of all, what he’d offered for Kara’s ranch had been peanuts, an insult. Only a desperate, down-on-her luck woman would accept an offer that low. I hadn’t realized Kara had been backed so far into a corner. Another strike against me.
She’d been trying to be brave, I could see that now, keeping quiet about it all. But if I’d asked and listened she probably would have told me. I’d done neither. I’d taken her like a caveman, dragging her off to spank and fuck her and ignore everything else for my own selfish pleasure. I could truly be a dick.
I should have bailed her out the second I saw her. The minute she told me she needed help, I should have done it. It was all so simple. But no, I’d put her through hell because I was a selfish bastard. I chose to torture her so I could keep her with me instead of helping her and letting her go.
I could say I wished she’d told me how close she was to the edge, but I should have known. It wasn’t like I’d always had money. How quickly rich assholes forgot what it was like to be in real dire straits.
But Lymon Culpepper, him I really hated. He wouldn’t sell for anything less than double his offer. Normally, I’d have worn him down. Used time, pressure, all my bag of tricks. But in this case, I wanted it done. I needed it done. This transaction took his grubby paws off her deed, and that couldn’t happen fast enough.
“The guy’s shady,” my lawyer, Stephen, confirmed on the phone. “He wanted to rob her blind.”
“But it’s done?”
“You made him an offer he couldn’t refuse.”
“Greedy little fuck.” I flicked a paperclip off my desk. It crashed into the wall, then fell to the floor. I’d like to do that to Lymon Culpepper. I didn’t like giving that slimy rat money, but honestly it wasn’t much to me. And it got the job done. He was out of the picture, effective immediately.
“It’s all taken care of. Money wired into his account. And I’ve arranged to have the deed delivered to her by courier, as you requested,” Stephen continued.
“When will it arrive?”
“End-of-business day today.”
I exhaled with frustration. Stephen knew me well enough to understand without my saying. I wanted it there sooner.
“It’s a long ways away, Declan. Even five o’clock is a stretch.”
“Yup.” I knew it was true. She lived out in the middle of nowhere. But I wanted that piece of paper in her hands. I couldn’t rest until I knew her anguish was eased.
“And my name?” I asked.
“Kept out of it entirely.”
“Good man.”
As per my instructions, my attorney, Stephen, had purchased the property under the auspices of an anonymous buyer. There was no need to put my stamp on it, get involved personally. My name wasn’t on any of this.
I wasn’t a good man. But for once in my life I could try. I could attempt to do
something selfless, not take credit, not grab the apple from the tree but let it hang there to ripen full. I knew she’d suspect I’d done it, but I didn’t want to take credit. That’s how the good guys did it, wasn’t it? They made the rescue happen, but didn’t need to have their photo front and center in tomorrow’s papers.
Lord knew I was no good guy. I was a dark beast of a man. But I was a dark beast who’d at least seen movies about good guys. I could copy them, imitate that kind of selfless altruism. Even though deep inside I wanted to pedal-to-the-metal all the way to Kara’s, grab her and shout “mine!” I wanted to tell her I’d rescued her, given her everything she’d wanted, and drag her off to a cave. But that was the selfish bastard in me.
I wanted to keep at her about Courtney, too, keep insisting she was wrong. The fact was she hadn’t seen what she’d thought she had. She was wrong about Courtney. But she was right about me in general. I didn’t keep it in my pants. I’d licked, sucked and fucked countless women, many whose names I didn’t know, sometimes multiple girls at once. It didn’t matter that now I felt different, that now monogamy appealed in a way I’d never understood before. It sounded like bullshit even to me, even when I knew with certainty at the core of my being that if I had the chance to bury myself in Kara every night, I’d never want anything more.
But there was a time for beating someone down, a battering ram forcing submission. And a time for big, showy displays, for bowling someone over with jewelry and designer dresses and nights on the town. I’d tried both already. Now it was time for a different approach.
This time, I’d show restraint. I’d do a good deed and leave it at that. If you loved someone, you were supposed to set them free. I’d always hated that sappy song by Sting. But that was what she’d asked from me. So now I’d try to stay away from her, let her be free of me. She’d have her ranch. I’d let her go.
She might respond to me with her body—and hell yes I liked the way she did—but I honestly couldn’t do it to her if she truly didn’t want me to. All the protesting and restraints only worked, only got me hard if she felt real desire on the other end.