I push open the stable doors and the usual gaggle of macho men are gathered about regaling each other with tales of their exploits. Robin is not around.
‘How’s it going, Strom?’ one of the men shouts.
‘Not bad,’ I say, knowing that in less than an hour every one of them will have heard what I have done. The thing is, I don’t care. Let them laugh. I glance at my watch. I am perfectly on time. I knock on DS Mills’ door and he barks for me to come in.
I close the door behind me.
‘Have a seat,’ he invites.
‘I gather Robin has told you my cover is blown,’ I say, sitting down opposite him.
‘Yes, you gather right.’ He seems unwilling to say anything else. I realize he wants me to ‘spill the beans’.
‘I didn’t tell him I was an undercover officer. He guessed—’
‘How?’
‘He said I was too clean and too innocent to be a runaway.’
He grunts.
‘And Robin also probably told you that we got married.’
He nods. ‘He didn’t tell me why.’
‘He said he married me because that way no one could force me to testify against him.’
‘Right. That makes better sense. Are you in love with him?’
‘Yes.’
‘Is he in love with you?’
‘I don’t know. He hasn’t said.’
‘But he has strong feelings.’
I bite my lip. ‘Yes. Yes, he has, but the thing is, Sir, I really think we have the wrong guy.’
‘Why is that, then?’ he drawls.
‘Jake Eden is not a drug dealer. I’ve never once seen anybody take drugs in the club or seen anything that even looks like a drug deal going down. The only thing he seems to be doing is some harmless contraband.’
DS Mills’ eyebrows fly upwards and I realize immediately that I shouldn’t have used the word harmless. It has clearly revealed my loyalties.
‘Smuggling is illegal and carries with it a criminal conviction and a prison sentence for those involved,’ he says sarcastically.
‘I thought we’re going for the big criminals,’ I say, hoping to lead him away from my mistake.
‘Jake Eden is a big criminal.’
‘He is not,’ I cry passionately.
A look of amusement comes into his cold, ambitious eyes. ‘On what are you basing your judgment?’
‘He told me.’ Oh, that came out wrong.
‘And you believed him?’ He shakes his head incredulously. ‘What did you expect him to do? Tell you the truth when he knows you are an undercover cop?’
I look at him with frustrated eyes.
‘I’m afraid, Strom, you have broken the undercover agent’s cardinal rule.’ His tone is surprisingly calm. ‘You’ve allowed yourself to become emotionally involved with your target. And once your feelings are involved you are easy to manipulate.’
For a moment I don’t speak. There is something else going on. I realize that he is toying with me. He is not angry that I fucked up the investigation by sleeping with the target. It occurs to me suddenly that he wanted me to. I was chosen purely for my looks. He hung me in front of Jake as if I was some kind of bait! Shocked, I watch him lean back into his chair, his face laced with a certain smugness.
‘When you say harmless contraband, do you actually know what it is that he is bringing in?’
‘I believe it’s mainly cigarettes and alcohol,’ I say cautiously.
He pins me with his eyes. ‘Are you sure contraband is not a euphemism for cocaine, heroin and human trafficking?’
I stare at him filled with dread. He wants me to continue! It is not going to be as simple as I thought. You are no longer impartial, your cover is blown, and you are taken off the case, Strom. Why would Mills continue with an operation especially when the agent has fucked up so badly?
His calmness tells me that he must have known from the moment he chose me, an absolute amateur, that Jake would suss me out quickly, and with my cover blown, it would be the perfect opportunity to exploit both Jake and me. My blood runs cold. I study him carefully.
‘I’ve seen the file, and other than the old stuff when he was working for that Schitt guy there is hardly anything there. What makes you so sure he is what you say he is?’
His eyes glitter dangerously. ‘Instinct. When you do this job for long enough you develop strong feelers. Crystal Jake may have the cream of society fooled, but not me. I know his type. I know him.’
‘What is it you want me to do?’
He smiles for the first time since I came into the room. ‘I want you to go back to Jake Eden and pretend that you have been suspended pending an investigation into your behavior. And since you will be definitely living with him while the investigation is going on you will be thrown off the force. He has to feel so comfortable with…his new wife who is so deeply in love with him that she can never be compelled to testify against him that he loses his inclination to be guarded and starts boasting about what he is really bringing into this country. Rather than it being a setback, what has happened will make Crystal Jake far more accessible to us.’
Mills’ smile suddenly breaks into laughter.
‘What’s so amusing?’ I try not to show my irritation.
‘The irony of it.’
‘Irony?’
‘Yes, isn’t it ironic that the action he took to protect himself has actually made him more vulnerable?’ He laughs again, but this time, I know, he is laughing at me.
I drop my head and stare at my handbag. It is black and it has a gold button and a gold buckle. I bought it cheap in a sale in John Lewis. I will need a new one soon. The edges are beginning to fray. His words are actually painful, cutting through every layer of my being like a well-sharpened knife. I am an amateur and he has played me easily. When he said, ‘I know his type. I know him,’ what he was saying was, Didn’t I choose you? Didn’t I know what would turn him on? Didn’t I know you would play the role of slut perfectly?
I feel the blood bubbling in my veins with rage. Rage at being taken for a fool, rage at being used as a pawn for his ambitions, rage at the utter contempt that he has for me. He knows I’m in love with Jake and yet he is willing to sacrifice me to get what he wants. I stand suddenly and with such force that the chair skitters on its wheels across the small room and hits the opposite wall.
Mills gets up from his seat and walks without haste toward the chair. I turn and, with my hands gripping my handbag’s strap so hard the knuckles show bone white, watch him pull the chair back to where I am standing. He looks me directly in the eyes.
‘Sit down, Strom.’ For a moment I hesitate. His voice is extraordinarily calm. Then I do as he commands and sit.
‘I’m going to ignore what just happened, and put it down to the stress that comes with being undercover, particularly for a new operative.’ He moves back around to his side of the desk and rests his palms on the surface of the desk before looming down over me.
‘Do you still want to be in the police force, Strom?’
The answer takes me by surprise. It is a clear no. ‘Yes, of course,’ I say.
‘Good. Bringing a criminal like Jake Eden to justice will ensure that you rise quickly up the metaphorical ladder of success and recognition. Do you understand?’
I nod.
‘Very good. Now, do you feel you are able to carry out the plan I have laid out for you?’
I feel the beat of my heart high in my throat. ‘Yes, Sir.’
‘Excellent. From now on you will no longer make any contact with anyone other than me in this office. To all intents and purposes you are suspended. You will also have to vacate your company flat as soon as possible. We’ll meet in the Bayswater safe house, and make contact with each other in exactly the same way Robin and you have established.’ He opens his drawer and takes out an envelope. He puts it in front of me. ‘The key is inside, along with my number and the address. Learn them by heart and destroy the information before
you leave this office.’ Wow! He had everything ready. How meticulously he has planned Jake’s downfall.
‘I want names, places, dates. Anything at all.’ Mills’ eyes are steely.
‘Yes, Sir.’
‘Any questions?’
‘No, Sir,’ I say, slitting open the envelope and staring at the phone number and the address on the paper. I commit them to memory and put the paper back on his desk. I take the key out of the envelope and put it into my handbag. Then I stand, even though he has not dismissed me.
A look of fury passes through his eyes. It is gone very quickly. ‘I’ll be waiting for a call from you.’
‘Good day, Sir.’ I walk to the door and when my hand is on the handle his words brush my skin like a cold hand.
‘Do it for your brother.’
I turn around slowly.
He smiles. ‘It wasn’t on your file, but it is a matter of public record.’
I nod distantly, my thoughts well hidden.