With all my strength I wrench myself away from him and stepping out of his reach stare at him panting, aroused, and terrified. ‘Right, you’ve had your fun, now let’s get you in,’ I say shakily.
He holds his hand out meekly, and I take it and pull him up. He comes so easily I realize he never needed my help.
‘You OK?’ I ask.
‘Never felt better.’
I help him to the bed. He falls on it and purposely brings me with him. With him on top of me he gazes into my eyes.
‘So you are planning to leave, huh?’
‘I thought you wanted me to anyway,’ I whisper.
‘Yeah, sure. You’re one strange gal, Lily.’
‘Why did you walk out then?’
He gives a bark of laughter. ‘I wanted to see what you would do. I didn’t realize it would take you so long to make your move.’ He rolls off me and lying on his back brings out a packet of cigarettes from his shirt pocket.
I frown. ‘You don’t smoke?’
‘I do…in times of extreme provocation.’ He lights it and inhales deeply. He blows out the smoke and turns to me. ‘I smoked a pack a day until I was nineteen.’
So much I don’t know about him. ‘What did you do when you left here?’
He makes an amused noise. ‘I sat outside the room and called down and got someone to bring me a bottle and some cigarettes. They’re very good here. They wanted to bring me a glass as well, but I told them not to bother.’
There is ash gathering at the end of his cigarette, and I move to find a saucer or something to use as an ashtray, but he immediately tightens his hold on my wrist. ‘Where do you think you’re going, young lady? I haven’t had my way with you yet.’
I put my mouth close to his ear. ‘Isn’t your dick a bit too limp for that?’
He laughs, a lovely deep rumble, then puts his mouth to my ear and whispers, ‘I’m rock hard and hungry for you, babe.’
Suddenly my body feels tight and jittery. ‘Really?’
‘It’s a done deal. All nine inches.’
I can’t help, but smile.
‘Try it and see.’
I lean back and look into his eyes. They are hazy, almost smoky with sensuality and seductive promise. I run my hand over the material of his crotch. Indeed the man is rock hard. My body instantly responds. My mouth is dry. I lick my lips. ‘Let me go get an ashtray first.’
I find a glass on the coffee table and bring it back. Jake has taken his shirt off and is sitting slumped against the pillows. He is holding between his thumb and forefinger the black chip worth ten thousand pounds from Eden and is staring at it reflectively. His hair has fallen over his forehead and he looks up at me slowly. At that moment he doesn’t look drunk. Just devastated. Utterly devastated.
I stand frozen in the doorway.
It is impossible to tell what he is thinking. He takes a drag of his cigarette and blows it out slowly. He puts the chip on the side table and turns toward me. ‘Come in,’ he invites softly. ‘Because I’m dying to fuck you with my tongue.’
‘That’s so dirty,’ I say as I discard my skirt on the way to the four-poster. I climb onto the mattress, take the cigarette out of his mouth, kill it at the bottom of the glass, and position myself with my sex right slap bang on his mouth.
My back arches as he begins to devour me. I come quickly and intensely. When I look down into his eyes, they are almost black with desire. Leaning back I slowly rub my hand over his crotch. I pull my body away from his face and I start to take his trousers off.
‘I need to take a piss. Don’t go anywhere,’ he says.
I listen to the strong splash of his urine hitting the toilet bowl and I remember my nan saying, ‘You can tell a man’s health by the strength of his morning piss.’ Well, it’s confirmed. He’s one healthy man. I hear the tap running and then he comes back. There is still a little sway in his walk, but he seems more sober now.
He stands at the edge of the bed looking at me. ‘Every time I see that sexy little mouth of yours I just want to fuck it. I want to fuck it until it is all red and swollen and then I want to fuck it some more.’
And that is exactly what he does after he picks up the phone and cancels my taxi. He puts the phone down and fucks my mouth long and deep and then he finishes off in my pussy. There is no tenderness given and none asked. This is just lust. Pure lust. Both of us craving each other’s bodies and taking it hard and fast because we can’t have what we really want. At least that is true for me. What I want is shimmering in the distance. Way beyond my reach.
Afterward he lies beside me. I can see that the alcohol is shutting him down. He is valiantly fighting it, but the edge of a deep sleep is less than a blink away.
‘You’re going to have one hell of a hangover when you wake up.’
‘I’ll live,’ he mutters.
‘Go to sleep, Jake,’ I encourage.
‘Will you be here when I wake up?’
I pause. ‘Yeah.’
‘Don’t leave me, Lily, or Jewel, or whatever your real name is.’
‘My real name is Lily Strom,’ I whisper.
His eyes widen. ‘No, your name is Lily Eden,’ he murmurs.
I smile sadly, and he runs his fingertips along the curve of my hip. My body quivers at the delicate touch. My nipples come alive, hardening, darkening, tingling, calling. I stop thinking about anything else but him and the strong sensation that he is touching my very soul. The emotion is unbearably intense, maybe too intense. A tear leaks out of each corner of my eyes.
No matter how many obstacles, our bodies can always find each other. My brain says no, but my body tells me this man has to be part of my future. I have to find a way for us to be together. And staying here while I am confused and vulnerable is not the way. I need time to sort out what I am going to do about Mills, my job and my terrible guilt about the love I have for this man.
He stops stroking my hip and drags his thumb down the path of my tears. I swallow hard and blink. He puts his thumb into his mouth.
‘Salty,’ he pronounces.
I flash a wobbly smile.
‘Did you know that otters hold hands before they go to sleep so they don’t float away?’
I slip my hand into his and he tightens his hold on it.
He smiles and his eyelids droop. He forces them open. It’s a lost battle. Not long to go now.
‘The first time I saw you I thought you were an angel come to save me,’ he mumbles.
I say nothing, I just watch as he slips into a deep drunken stupor. I lie next to him for another few minutes watching him, listening to his even breathing. When his body is totally relaxed and dead to the world I slowly pull my hand out of his grip, but even though his entire body is limp as if passed from this world, his hand is clinging onto me like a claw. Gently, one by one I pry his fingers away. Very gently I kiss his forehead.
Quietly I get out of bed and into my skirt. I retrieve my panties from the pocket of his pants and go into the living room. On hotel stationery I write a note.
I’m not running away.
I just need a bit of time
to think and sort my head
out.
xx Lily
Then I softly close the door. I have a plane to catch. I am in such a daze that it is only when I am high in the sky that I realize I am still wearing both my engagement and wedding rings. I twist them around my finger in horror. I can’t believe I have left him. My body feels hollow where my heart should be.
FOUR
Lily
I clear customs in Heathrow and head straight for the payphones. I find one that is coin operated and lay my coins in a row along the metal ledge. I lift the receiver, pick up a pound, push it into the slot, and dial Robin’s number. His answering service clicks on and for a split second it occurs to me that I have done the wrong thing. In that split second I even consider terminating the call without saying anything, but then I hear myself speak.
‘Hey, Robin. No panic.
Everything is just fine. Just touching base. Saying hello. Call you another day. Byeeee.’