His lighter clicked before he blew into the phone again. “I never met her. It was too late. By the time I located her whereabouts, my research led me straight to a graveyard. So, I never did actually get to know her. A lot of my questions have unfortunately been left unresolved.”
I felt absolutely devastated for him.
“I’m sorry.” I swallowed, afraid to ask, “What happened to her?”
“My birth mother was a drug addict. She didn’t think she could take care of me. It was how I ended up with my other parents.”
“Do you feel like moving out there was all in vain?”
“No, I still feel like it was meant to be. I was very lost when I first came to California. Life had a lot of lessons for me to learn, and I guess they were meant to happen here.” I could hear him inhale the smoke and exhale. “Okay, this is getting too deep. Quick. Tell me something funny.”
Think.
Think.
Oh!
“You know the song I Miss You by Blink 182?”
“Yeah…”
“Well, for the longest time I used to think it was actually called The Voice Inside My Ass because of that part of the chorus where he talks about the voice inside his head. He was saying ‘head’ not ‘ass.’ But it sounded like ‘ass’ to me. Always thought that was a weird title until I figured out the truth.”
Landon began to laugh hysterically. “What in the ever-living fuck? The stuff that comes out of your mouth sometimes…” When he finally calmed down, he sighed. “You say the weirdest shit and you’re a mystery…but you’re good for my soul, Rana.”
That night, I went to bed with a huge smile on my face, even though I couldn’t sleep. With each conversation we’d had, I felt more and more connected to him.
Since insomnia was winning out, I got up from bed and ventured into my closet to read another one of Landon’s old notes. This one was kind of ironic.Rana Banana,Sometimes when I think of you, I laugh for no reason and I can’t help it.LandonP.S. But today it happened at my grandfather’s funeral, and my dad got really mad.CRAZY EYESLilith passed the basketball to me. “How’s your boyfriend?”
I threw it back with more force. “He’s not my boyfriend.”
She caught it then dribbled the ball before shooting it into the hoop. “You seem happy.”
“I guess, I am happier lately.”
Lilith stood there with the ball tucked under her arm as she just observed me and smiled. Her glasses slid down her nose, and she used her index finger to prop them back up. I swore that kid could see right through me.
Taking out my phone, I said, “Come here. Check this out.” I pulled up Landon’s lunch truck app. “This is his lunch truck. This lets you see where he is at any given time. Isn’t that so cool?”
She didn’t seem as interested in the app as I was. “So, it’s like an app for stalkers?”
“No…well, I don’t know. Maybe.”
“Is he handsome?”
“Yes…really handsome.” I sort of felt like a preteen gushing to her.
“So, why don’t you want him to be your boyfriend?”
Unsure of how to explain my messed-up head to a ten-year-old, I chose to keep my response simple.
“I don’t want a boyfriend.”
“Why not?”
“Boyfriends make life complicated.”
“Well, I want one.”
“You’re way too young, so don’t even think about it.”
“I hope I can be pretty like you when I get old enough to have a boyfriend.”
Hearing her say that sliced at my heart. “You are pretty. Don’t ever let anyone lead you to believe otherwise.”
“I don’t look like the other girls at school.”
She really reminded me so much of myself when I was a kid, and it was killing me. I never had anyone tell me that there was nothing wrong with my looks. I spent so much of my adolescence hating myself. If I had one job, it was to make sure that Lilith felt good about herself.
“It’s okay to look different, Lilith. Beauty is only a matter of opinion. If you believe you are beautiful, then that’s all that matters. These are really tough years you’re approaching now. Your decisions now and as a teenager can change your entire life. Just make sure you talk to me or someone if you’re ever feeling like life is too much to handle. And never let anyone convince you that you’re not worthy, only to take advantage of you.”
She nodded then abruptly changed the subject in typical Lilith fashion. “Will you braid my hair?”
“Of course.”When I returned to my apartment that afternoon, I jumped at the sight of my father sitting down and drinking coffee at my kitchen table. Every time he would sneak into my place, I would forget for a moment that he had a key. He’d given me the down payment for this apartment with the condition that he would get his own key to check in on me whenever he wanted.