Not being able to touch her. Not hold her. Not tell her how I feel and rub her back until she falls asleep. Not being able to bring her coffee in the morning.
It would kill me. Then again, when I think back to these last few years without Charlie, I don’t know how alive I’ve really been. Maybe…maybe I’m already dead. I haven’t been living, just surviving.
And she’s the only one who can revive my non-beating heart.Chapter 11CharlieI can’t believe I’m even considering this. I spent the night tossing and turning, thinking about Owen’s words. Living with him would be stupid. He’s my ex-boyfriend.
But also…he’s my ex-boyfriend.
Sounds the same, I know, but I promise it’s not. He’s my ex, as in we’re over. Done. The final curtain has been called. The major TV network canceled our show and no amount of protests and signatures can get us back.
I don’t like to turn down any sort of challenge, and my competitive nature makes me a damn good lawyer but doesn’t always lead me to make the best personal choices.
And. I. Know. This.
So why am I lying here in bed, kicking the sheets off for the millionth time, feeling like Owen is going to come out feeling like he won? That by me refusing his offer of crashing at his place until the apartment opens up, I’m admitting that I still have feelings for him?
Tulip paws at the door, wanting out of the bedroom. Internally groaning, I get out of bed and consider getting an apartment in Newport, the next town over. They’ll have spaces available, that’s for sure. But I start unofficial work at the firm next week, and I’m currently carless since I didn’t need one in the city. Dad offered to let me drive his 1965 Mustang around town, but it hasn’t been fully restored and starts to shake when it goes over thirty miles an hour, which is obviously a safety issue and can’t be driven on the highway. Around town, it’s fine. But getting me from Newport to Eastwood…yeah. Wouldn’t happen.
I’ll have to get a car before I can move out of Eastwood, and since I’m technically unemployed, I have no idea what kind of loan I’ll be able to get. I have a decent amount of “oh shit” money saved in my bank account, but I don’t think I’m ready to take it out just yet.
Especially when I have options.
Like put up living in this super-crowded house for another month while risking ruining the surprisingly good relationship I’ve had my entire life with my sister. It’s really not that bad. Many people have it way worse, and I’m lucky to have a free place to live with a loving family.
We have clean water, food in the panty, and a safe place to spend our days.
I should count my blessings…and really, I do. But after living on my own and then again with Todd, which was really like living on my own since I did everything around the apartment, living with two other families is grating my nerves.
Which leads me to consider Owen’s offer.
It’s temporary.
It wouldn’t mean anything.
He was right, he does have plenty of space.
And I’ll work during the day and he’ll work at night. We’ll hardly see each other. Maybe it could work.
Maybe…or maybe not.
Tulip darts out of the room as soon as the door opens. I leave it cracked and get back into bed. It’s nearing four in the morning and I haven’t come close to falling asleep yet. At least I don’t have to be up early.
I finally fall asleep when the sun starts to come up, and am woken up only an hour later to Jack pulling my makeup bag off my dresser. It comes crashing down, startling both of us.
Justin runs in after him, face turning beet red when he sees me in just a t-shirt and underwear.
“I am so sorry.”
“It’s okay,” I tell him, gritting my teeth when I see my expensive eye shadow pallet upside down on the ground. “I was the one who left my door cracked for the cat.”
Justin scoops up his youngest son and turns away. I grab my robe and quickly slip it on. My shirt is long and really, I’ve worn a bikini way more revealing than this.
“I’ll come back and clean that up,” he offers.
“It’s okay,” I tell him. “I got it.”
Justin pries a beauty blender out of Jack’s hands and hurries out of the room, closing the door behind him. With a sigh, I drop to my knees. One of my blushes is cracked, but it’s one I hardly ever use since it’s too red for my skin tone. The eye shadow pallet was new and thank goodness survived. I zip everything up and put it in the closet, closing the door behind me.