Be careful what you wish for…
Life can change drastically over the course of a few hours; can you imagine how much it can change over the course of a few years? I wanted to find myself, I wanted self-worth, I wanted love; I wanted it all.
Was I expecting too much?
Was it my fault?
Can someone truly have a happy ending?
I didn’t know…I didn’t know anything anymore.
My life ended and began when I met Sebastian Vanwell, and there I was, three years later; alone, confused, frustrated, and angry.
Trust and resentment, two completely different meanings on such opposite ends of the spectrum. I didn’t know which way was up anymore. I had no idea who I was or what I was doing. I was just as lost, as I was the moment I stepped out of The Cathouse.
I love him, but was love enough?
Can love truly conquer all or is that just in fairy tales?
I was so confused.
All I knew was that there I was, leaving Sebastian a Dear John letter on the kitchen table with my suitcase all packed and ready to go. I walked out of our home, the place we built together out of dreams and love with Chance by my side.
I walked out on Sebastian.
I got into the taxi that took me to the tarmac. I took a deep breath and stepped out on the street to make my way toward the steps to board the jet.
Could I do this?
Am I making the right choice?
Is this who I am?
Is this what I want?
They say what goes around comes around…did everything finally catch up with me?
I grabbed my suitcase and boarded the plane.
There I sat with my hands folded in my lap and my dog by my side.
The only thing that I knew to be true was that I was going to Miami.
I was going home.
Back to VIP.
I had only ever loved one woman. From the first day that I stared at those mesmerizing and entrancing bright green eyes, I was lured in. It was a magnetic pull that capsized me to live and breathe for her and only her. She was soul mate, the one person in this world that was made for me and only me. I wouldn’t let her go without a fight…
I lost her once.
I wouldn’t make that mistake again.
I had so many regrets in my life and she will never be one of them. It didn’t matter how we met or started out. I knew it the moment her tiny frame fell into my arms. We were meant to meet and be together, it was all for a reason; a greater purpose that I knew from the second she told me her name.
Mine.
The instant connection we shared and the gravitational pull we had toward each other was inevitable. That’s what happens when two halves of a heart come together and become one. They’re bonded for life. The errors of my ways had finally caught up with me, but how did you prove to the other half of your heart that it beats for only her and her alone?
How did I make her understand that I would die before I ever hurt her again? There was no Sebastian without Ysabelle.
She was my everything…
My girl.
I am not an honorable man and I knew that. I had paid for my mistakes tenfold. I had hurt women that I had held dearly in my heart for as long as I could remember. However, I thought I was doing the right thing. Call me a coward, call me selfish, call me a cheater, call me a bastard; I deserve it. There wasn’t anything that you can throw at me that I wasn’t already aware of. I’ve waited thirty-four years for her, this I knew. I did love her, I still love her, I’ll always love her.
Though, there I sto
od, holding a letter from the woman who owned my body, heart, and soul. Fuck that. She was much more than that. The human body needed water to survive; it could go three days without it before it started to shut down. Ysabelle was my water.
Sebastian,
I love you. Don’t for one second think that I don’t…I just don’t know if that’s enough anymore. As much as I want to, I can’t forget the past. My heart says or feels one thing and my mind is spinning telling me another. I’ve listened to my heart once before and I can’t go through that again…I won’t.
We want different things.
I’m sorry. Don’t hate me.
Yours always,
Ysa.
It was taking everything in me to not fall apart. I couldn’t do that. I needed to stay levelheaded and hold my ground to get her back. I needed to stay strong. I was not the same man I was three years ago…
I was over to the front door in six strides and what I found breaks my heart.
Fuck me.
There was a torn picture of Olivia on the floor. I ran my fingers through my hair, wanting to pull it the fuck out. This was so fucked up. How would I fix this? How would I get her to understand that I wanted her?
Just her.
I would fight for her if it were the last thing I would ever do.
And I would like to see someone stand in my way because I’d take them the fuck out.
The Madam didn’t know whom she’s fucking with.
Mine.
And now I had to prove it to her, once and for all.
“God, your pussy feels amazing,” he groaned in my ear, before pulling it into his mouth. “I’ve wanted this for so long. You have no idea how many nights I’ve spent stroking myself to you, thinking about this and only this.”
“Yes…yes…yes,” I surrendered.
“How do you feel this good?” he praised.
My body was his, with his breath and sighs all over. With each thrust, I felt him take a little more from me. I wasn’t in the right state of mind, though it didn’t matter because he felt so good. The pain with the pleasure. The sin of it all. I surrendered every part of my being to him. That’s what I needed.
To feel safe.
To feel loved.
To feel wanted.
“I’m sorry it took me so long to get to this point. I’ve been an idiot,” he murmured, angling my leg higher on his hipbone, hitting that perfect spot inside me that had my burning skin crawling from the inside out. He was different, but yet familiar. A quiet to the storm that had become my life; the chaos that surrounded itself around me was calm and cool. And it was because of him. He was my safe spot. He always had been.
I needed this, I repeated silently, over and over.
His breathing became headier and his skin began to perspire, I knew he was close as my core wept from my wetness for him. I had my eyes closed the entire time; somehow, that made it okay, it made it easier, like it wasn’t real if my eyes weren’t open. When his lips caught mine, I felt his silky and smooth tongue beckoning my mouth to open for him. I gave him what he wanted and moaned in satisfaction when he bit my bottom lip, just before plunging his tongue into my awaiting mouth.
He kissed me all over, from my breasts to my neck and all over my face. I almost sobbed when he kissed my forehead in a loving and tender gesture.
“Kid,” he half-whispered into the side of my neck as he laid soft kisses. “Open your eyes, let me see those beautiful bright green eyes I dream about,” he seductively encouraged.
I sighed and took a deep breath, and in that moment, it would seem that I was content, blissful, satisfied even. The exhale being from passion and lust…it wasn’t. It was from confusion and sadness. I braved myself and willed my eyes to open and they immediately caught his desire and longing for me. His eyes said everything that I didn’t think I could hear…
What was I doing?
“Fuck, your pussy is a vise. I’m so close. Tell me what you need.”
“I need you,” I carelessly responded, not knowing what else to say.
That seemed to appease him. He thrust in and out a few more times while my neck and back began to arch off the mattress to my own release, but he gently grabbed the back of my neck to keep our eyes locked. In the haven of love and complete devotion he thought we were creating. He wanted us to share the moment and I gave it to him. Exactly how I had with so many men before. It felt nothing like I wanted it to.
“Jesus…” he grunted and his release quickly followed, plunging deep within my core and spreading his seed.
His forehead hovered over mine as we caught our breathing, trying to find a unison pattern. The room smelled like sex…our sex, and it made me nauseous.
“I love you, Kid,” he expressed with genuine sincerity in his tone.
“I love you, too, Devon.”
And then I broke down crying.
A year ago…
“Ysa…” I whispered in her ear.
She peeked one eye open and smirked into her pillow when she caught me staring at her from my side of the bed. I was lying sideways with my left arm holding up my head.
“How many times do I have to tell you that it’s stalkerish when you’re watching me sleep?” she said as she giggled, trying to play it off like she didn’t love the fact that I did this every morning.
Ysa hated mornings. I swear the girl could sleep in every day if I let her.
“Hmmm…I don’t wanna…ten more minutes,” she mumbled.
“Ysa, it’s seven thirty; you need to get up. The bar opens in an hour.”
“The bar runs itself, I can sleep in for another half an hour. Leave me alone,” she grumbled, pulling the sheet over her head.
“All right, you asked for it,” I warned.
“Sebastian! Don’t you fucking dare,” she threatened, like that was going to stop me. My hand was under the blanket and on her thigh before she even saw it coming. I gripped onto it, squeezing the inner part and making her squirm, laugh, and yell at me all at the same time.
“Are you done? You going to get up now?” I teased, trying not to laugh.
“Oh my God! I hate you. I’m up! Stop,” she yelled, thrashing her legs around.
I stopped and instantly lay on top of her, holding myself up on my elbows but locking her in with my body.
She grinned. “What did you say? I don’t think I caught that part? Did you just say you hated me?” I taunted while she laughed and blushed.
God, I loved that color on her.
“Maybe. What are you going to do about it?” she taunted, wiggling her eyebrows.
“Oh, your smart mouth is going to be the end of you. I think you like mouthing off to me just so I can put you in your place. Don’t you, Ysa?”
She laughed. “Nah, I’m just a smart-mouth kinda girl. Maybe you should put something in my mouth to shut me up.”
“I have other ideas about where I want to put something inside of you,” I responded, trying to control my erection. Too late. Who am I kidding? I was hard the second my hand was on her thigh.
“Oh…I see…” She gyrated her pussy on my cock. “We have time for that, but we don’t have time for me to sleep in?”
“We always have time for that,” I reminded.
She rolled her eyes. “I have to get up, Sebastian.”
“It’s all right, I’m up for the both of us.”
“You’re incorrigible. How can you want in again? We did it twice yesterday.”
“I always want in. I’m an exclusive member to your pussy and I can get in anytime I want. Try and stop me.” I emphasized my words by rubbing my cock against her slick opening. “And I didn’t hear you complaining when I had you coming in my mouth and then again on my dick.” I leaned in to kiss her neck. “Multiple times.”
She slapped my back.
“Ow!” I jerked back and she used the momentum to slide out and away from me.
She put her fingers in the air in a stopping gesture, backing away, knowing that I wa
s going to come after her.
“No! I need to shower, and according to you, I have a bar to run. No sex,” she stated and I cocked my head to the side. “Until later,” she reasoned, walking away.
I quickly followed her into the shower and we started the day exactly how it was supposed to be. It had been two months since I found my way back to Ysa. We were falling into a comfortable routine of getting to know each other in ways that we hadn’t before. See…before, we were playing house; this time, we actually lived in the house and worked together in a partnership, or at least tried to. I had taken a sabbatical from Yachting Enterprises; I didn’t need the money, I had plenty of that.
Ysabelle was my number one priority.
Julia still lived in Miami but moved closer to her parents so they could help with Christian when I wasn’t around. She knew where I was. I was completely honest on the direction my life was going to go; no more lies. I had learned the hard way that they caused my own demise. She didn’t have an opinion when I told her my decision of going to find Ysa; it was like she was already ten steps in front of me and expected it. I think she was surprised that it took me almost two years to figure out she was the missing piece all along.
I did a lot of soul-searching in those two years, and I truly believed that as much as it hurt to be away from each other, we both needed that time to re-group and evaluate what we wanted out of life. What was important to us as individuals.
I had never been alone before. I always had a woman by my side, even in my college years after Olivia; it was purely sexual, but it was companionship nonetheless. Subconsciously, everything I did after the divorce led me right back to those bright green eyes that showed me the world.
Divorcing Julia was the biggest mistake of my life. I should have never married her in the first place. Again, my mistake. I loved her; I still love her. The same goes for Olivia…I was entirely too young to know what it meant to be absolutely and completely devoted and entranced by someone, to be with someone that you can’t be without. To physically ache in ways that you literally felt like you were dying when you were apart. I thought I knew pain and loss when I lost Oli–it wasn’t even close to what I experienced when Ysabelle walked away from me that night at The Gala. To have looked into the eyes of the person who completes you and see that you have hurt them with all your actions and possibly your words, killed me inside.