I watched from the corner of my eye, seeing Ysabelle press her body against her date’s chest on the balcony. I thought I had regained my control. I was mentally ready to let her go. That wasn’t the case. The motherfucker squeezed her ass into his cock, sending another surge of venom through my veins. I didn’t think, I didn’t hesitate, and I didn’t stop myself. I couldn’t. Nothing logical was able to form in my mind, not my wife, not the bystanders, and not the poor bastard who was about to see my wrath.
I ran, sprinting through the crowd of people, right out to the balcony where Ysabelle was still pressed, firmly against his body.
“Take your motherfucking, hands off her!” I shouted, shoving her to the side and pushing him in the chest.
“What the fuck, Man?” The guy in the fancy tux asked right before my right hand came in contact with his jaw. He stammered a little, catching himself on a table, and sending a chair to the ground.
I didn’t even know Julia was close. I didn’t think any of this through. It just happened.
“Sebastian, what the hell is wrong with you?” Julia yelled, grabbing my arm and stepping between me and Mr. Asshole. The rest was like a slow moving film. I looked down to her with balled fists and back to Ysabelle, whose eyes were wide with shock.
Julia turned, seeing her, too. She looked right at Ysabelle and then back at me. I looked at my wife who no doubt had the look of realization. She knew. It was written all over her face. Her hand slid down my chest and to her side.
I knew I should have cared, I knew I should have been explaining, lying, and covering my ass, I didn’t fucking care. I had no remorse over what I just did.
The man brushed himself off, “What the fuck is your problem?” he asserted, pulling all of our attention away from the affair, lingering amongst us.
“Do you know this asshole, Gorgeous?” He commented gripping Ysabelle around the waist.
I pushed him again, “Don’t fucking touch her, you touch her one more time and I’m taking you the fuck out.” I argued.
“Listen, you dick!” He shouted coming towards me.
“NO!” Ysabelle grasped stopping him by jumping in front of him, “let’s just go, come on let’s go.”
“Are you fucking serious? You’re going to leave with him?” I proclaimed dumbfounded.
“Sebastian…go home.” She whispered into the air, before grabbing his hand and turning.
“Ysa.” I called to make her turn, “You leave with him and you’re dead to me, we’re fucking done, do you hear me? DONE.”
“Sebastian…” She said calmly, “I was never yours. I never belonged to you.” I watched her gaze move to Julia, “I’m so fucking sorry.” She said before pulling him and turning away.
I fucked up my entire life in a moment of pure panic. I let all of my emotions take over and I watched the woman I love walk away from me as if I were nothing, like I hadn’t just given up everything for her.
Of all the expressions, I was expecting to see on my wife’s face, this didn't compare, “she looks just like her Sebastian, it’s uncanny.” She wept in a daze, brushing the tears from her face, “not here. Don’t fucking follow me.” She demanded, walking away from me.
There were no words that could express the severity of the situation that I had just created. I watched Julia walk away from me not knowing if she was walking out of my life as well.
Y
I pulled Slavic away from the scene that Sebastian had caused until we reached the outside of the building, and his complete demeanor changed. He crudely grabbed my upper arm dragging me to the limo, and shoving me in. I heard him say something to the driver before he barged in through the other door.
He backhanded me across the face so fast that I didn’t even see it coming.
“Do you have any fucking idea how embarrassing that was for me? Do you have a fucking clue who the fuck I am? I paid thousands of dollars for your pussy, not for your fucked up drama you stupid cunt.” He yelled so close to my face that I could feel his spit on me.
I hadn’t even had a second to process everything that had just happened with Sebastian before he tackled me to the floor.
“You want to humiliate me you little shit, I’ll show you what its like to feel shame.”
He covered my mouth before I had a chance to scream and had my arms up above my head and my legs spread open before I had even blinked. It all happened so fast I couldn’t even contemplate what the fuck was going on.
The next thing I knew I heard my dress rip and felt his dick at my entrance.
“You like it rough don’t you? You little slut.” He groaned before plunging into my dry core making me shriek in pain.
It all occurred within minutes, him fucking me and yelling obscenities while he was doing it. I had no option but to turn my head and let him use my body for his frustrations. I had fucked up and now he was taking it out on me.
I had no idea why he was even holding me down I wasn’t fighting him. He was getting off it on it, the humiliation, the power, and the control. I gladly gave it to him to let this go by faster. This is what I signed up for, this is what I was, I was men’s play toys to use and abuse.
I never thought I would be so happy to hear a man come. Once he was done he pushed off me and the bastard even held out his hand to help me off the floor. I curled myself into a corner of the limo just counting down the seconds until I would be home. As soon as I saw the entrance to my building I darted out of the limo before it even had a chance to stop.
I took the elevator up to my floor praying that no one would see me. I made it to my condo unnoticed and was immediately greeted with a thrilled Chance. I rubbed his head before walking into my bathroom.
I didn’t want to look in the mirror and found myself doing it anyways. I stared at an image that I didn’t even recognize, I had no idea who the fuck I was anymore. I had lost total sense of who I thought I was, of who I wanted to be, and the bruising on my cheek made it all the more real.
I was lost.
They say in order to find yourself you have to know where you come from. I laid in bed that night contemplating that theory while Chance laid beside me enjoying my repetitive scratching under his neck. I needed to go back to where it all started from, I needed to go home.
Chapter 26
I hadn’t seen Julia for three days, which means I hadn’t seen Christian either. I texted with no responses, I tried calling with it going straight to voicemail, I even went to her parents and nobody answered the door.
I was getting ready to call the police and hospitals when I heard the sound of the garage. I wanted to run to her, I wanted to tell her how sorry I was, I wanted to make it better, I didn’t know how I felt. It was so fucking confused.
She opened the door alone. We stared at each other and she looked like she hadn’t slept in days, her skin was pale and she looked like she hadn’t been eating, what alarmed me the most was her eyes which once held so much love for me were now lifeless.
She averted her eyes and walked past me.
I held my arm out, stopping her. "Babygirl," I quietly spoke, not knowing what the fuck to say, I expected her to slap me, punch me, I expected anything not what proceeded. She leaned into my chest and cried, no, she heaved a world of tears. I held her as tight as I could letting her express everything she couldn’t say with words.
She realized what she was doing, and slightly pushed off of me moving to sit as far away from me as possible.
“Where’s Christian?” I asked breaking the silence.
“Oh, now you’re worried about Christian. Were you thinking about Christian before?” I sighed barely having the strength to look at her.
“Are you fucking kidding? Just this once Sebastian, have the balls and fucking decency to tell me the truth.”
I didn’t know what to say, I wanted to say so much, I couldn’t get my Goddamn mouth to move.
“Okay…Sebastian. I’ll talk. Do you think that she’s replacing her…replacing Olivia?”
She asked with trepidation in her voice. “Is that what you see when you look at her? Because, that’s what I see when I do.”
Neither of us said a word for several minutes and it felt like a lifetime.
“What did they call us growing up, Sebastian?” She said looking back at me.
“The Three Musketeers.” I whispered.
“That’s right…The Three Musketeers.” She said before having to look away from me.
“I remember growing up and always being in love with you…there was never a time where I wasn’t. My very first memory were the feelings I had for you.” She said laughing at that statement.
“Fuck…you’re everything to me, you always have been. I mean our parents were best friends; it was only natural that we would end up together…right? I mean from birth we played together. One of the first words I ever said was Sebby.” She whimpered shedding a tear and wiping it away.
I didn’t think it was possible for my heart to break anymore, I tried to take a step to come near her.
“Don’t.” She whispered. I stayed where I was.
“My parent’s had tried for years to have another baby. It never happened for them, I wanted a sister so bad.” She looked up in front of her; as if she was visualizing everything in her mind.
“They always told me that it was because I was one in a million, I was their special baby girl.” She said wiping away more of her tears.
“They talked to me for months on end about how they were going to bring home a baby. That there was this special place that angels made for people like them who couldn’t have any more miracles like me.” She looked like she was lost in thought.
“They asked me over and over again what I wanted…of course, I wanted a sister. Somebody I could dress up…somebody to share my secrets with… somebody who I could talk to boys about…just somebody that I would love unconditionally.” She put her hands in her hair almost as if she was surrendering.
I had broken my wife.
“Mom and dad said that it was going to be more difficult for them to bring home a baby, and that was okay, because I didn’t want a baby. I wanted someone that was like me, another spunky ten year old. What was I going to do with a baby I told them?” She laughed again at that thought.
“Do you remember how I excited I was, Sebastian? How many times did I talk about my new sister that my parents were going to bring home for me?” She asked.
“Yes, I remember Babygirl.” I replied.
“The day that they brought her home was one of happiest days of my life. She was so skittish and shy at first.” She looked at me. “Do you remember, Sebastian? She moved right to you when she came in, I should have known it then.” She said.
The memory of that day plays in my mind as I hear Julia talk. I remember the look of fear in Olivia’s eyes. I remember being a twelve year old boy who was nothing but hormones look into the eyes of the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. Being so young and feeling so drawn to another human being was the most awkward and exhilarating thing for me to understand.
“From that day forward she was attached to us like glue. We were all always together…The Three Musketeers.” I wanted to come over to Julia again, but I knew better.
“I loved my sister, Sebastian. I loved her like she was my blood, to me she was, I didn’t care where she came from, she was mine. The moment I saw you look at her for the first time…I knew…I knew I’d lost you…you had never looked at me like that before. The eyes you had for her were the eyes I had for you. Did you know Sebastian? Did you know how long I’ve been in love with you?” She asked.
“I do.” I replied.
“I got passed it. For so long I wanted a sister, that I didn’t care that she took you away. I knew that you would always still be in my life and that’s all that mattered to me. That was enough.” She sighed.
She looked me straight in the eyes, “the day that she died was the best and worst
day of my life Sebastian. It was the day I lost my sister and the day that I gained you.” She sadly smiled at me. “I knew that I could have you then, I knew you would look at me then…finally…I had my chance.” More tears came down Julia’s face. “I’ve never said that out loud before.”
“That’s not the way it happened Julia, you and I didn’t get together for years after Olivia’s death.” I retorted.
“I know…” She sighed. “I knew I had to let you be. You needed to find your way, I knew it would lead back to me. And I waited Sebastian. I waited for you. The day you showed up at my apartment, you kissed me, and told me that you loved me. You came after me Sebastian…why?”
I looked at my wife, the woman of my child, the woman I had loved for so long.
“Because Babygirl…I did love you…I do love you. I came to you that night, because I needed you. It was the three year anniversary of Olivia’s death, I woke up that morning knowing that I needed to let her go, and the moment I realized that…I saw your face. I bought a plane ticket home and the rest is history.” I moved over to her and she let me. I sat on the edge of the coffee table and put my hands on the sides of her face, I made her look right at me.
“I love you Julia, I’m sorry.” I could hear the pain and agony in my voice.
“I know…” She responded. I moved in to kiss her and she pushed me back.
“I can’t Sebastian…” She looked down at her lap. “How long were you with her?” She asked.
“Ysabelle…her name is Ysabelle.” I responded.
“Don’t you fucking dare say her name in my house, Sebastian. How long have you been with her? Do you love her?” She said openly bawling her eyes out.
I took a deep breath. “I don’t know Julia. I don’t know what I feel for her. I met her over a year ago at one of my client’s yacht parties. I thought I was going crazy, she looked so much like Olivia. My mind was playing tricks on me…I had to find out who she was…I had to know everything about her.” I said.
“Do you know that she’s a whore, Sebastian? Do you know that she gets paid to be with men? She was using you.” She alleged.
“Yes…Julia. I knew right from beginning what she was. I couldn’t stop myself. I tried, I swear to you I tried.”
“SHE’S NOT FUCKING OLIVIA!” She screamed and shoved me away. I put my hands in my hair, and God did I want to rip it the fuck out.
“What the fuck Sebastian? You slept with a whore, someone who sleeps with men for money…Jesus Christ…did you have no regard for me?” She shuddered.” I mean diseases. Did you even use protection, because we don’t.”
“It’s not like that Babygirl, you were never at risk.”
She scuffed. “Well…that’s fucking fantastic, Sebastian. Does that make it better? Should I be happy now?” She screamed.
“No, it doesn’t make it better. I’m just stating the facts. What I did was wrong. I know that. I couldn’t help it, Julia. I would never want to hurt you; I would die before I hurt you. You know that!” I argued.
“I don’t know a God damn thing Sebastian…not one God damn thing. How long Sebastian? How long did you betray me with your fucking lies? How long were you fucking another woman and coming home to me?” She cried coming after me, she hit me everywhere she could and I took every last one of them.
“You fucking bastard! I hate you Sebastian! Do you fucking hear me, I fucking hate you!” She screamed over and over again never letting up on pushing me or hitting me.
I couldn’t take it anymore and I grabbed and turned her around holding her to me.
“I know Babygirl, I know. I’m so fucking sorry. I can’t change it, I can’t take it back, all I can do is prove to you that I love you. That nothing like this will ever happen again. I need to earn back your love and trust I know that. Please forgive me, I fucked up.” I pleaded trying to hold her still.
“Why am I never enough for you, Sebastian? Why?” She cried going weak at the knees. I slowly let her go and felt her slide down my body until she was sitting at my feet hugging he
r entire body and comforting herself.
I had never felt more like a piece of shit in all of my life. I had broken the one person who had always given me everything. I crouched down with her and held her in my arms, rocking her back and forth. “I’ll make it better Babygirl, I promise. I’ll make it better.” I repeated over and over again.
I picked her up and carried her to our bedroom. I placed her on my chest and tried to soothe her with reassuring words, and she let me. We stayed like that for the rest of the day until both of us fell asleep from exhaustion.
*Y*
I spent the next few days recovering from the fucked up mess that was my life. Although, the bruise was fading it didn’t take away the pain and anguish I felt in the depths of my being.
I still couldn’t believe what had gone down at The Gala, never in my wildest dreams had I imagined Sebastian acting anything remotely like that. The look on his poor wife’s face was enough to make me feel terrible. Not one time did I ever even think about her, about how she would feel when she found out. The truth always finds it’s way of being revealed, that’s the beauty of lies they never stay hidden.
I didn’t even think it was possible to feel any less of a human being than I already did. I was a selfish woman. I had always thought about myself and what I needed to get through the day, never taking into account other people’s emotions, I don’t think I was ever a good person.
Good people don’t fuck with other people’s lives, like I did on a daily basis. How many married men had I’d been with? How many lives had I ruined? I had fucked with anything that would come my way and I enjoyed it. I relinquished in being able to control my clients. I always thought that I was the bait being reeled in, it was never like that, it was always the other way around.
I had no one. No family, no friends, no life outside of VIP. Then suddenly my life became consumed with Sebastian and I just lived for him. I had no idea what it felt like to live for me. I thought I was happy before Sebastian, but I wasn’t. I was living in a fantasy of sex, drugs, and money; where greed and vanity ruled my everyday existence.