Her door was unlocked when I got to it and she was blaring house music. Chance didn’t even hear me come in, and that pissed me off that she would be careless with her safety.
I placed the food and coffee on the end table and turned down the volume on the receiver. I turned to find Ysabelle staring at me, and I immediately noticed her eyes were cold. I don’t think I’d ever seen her eyes like that before, her demeanor was different too, she was dressed perfectly, not a hair out of place. I hadn’t seen her wear straight hair in what seemed like forever. She was wearing tight jeans and a black low cut revealing silk blouse with high heels.
“Are we going somewhere?” I asked.
“I am.” She said walking over to me and turning off the music.
“Okay.” I reached to grab her and she backed away from me.
“Don’t. We need to talk.”
Shit.
“Ysa…listen. I’m-“
“I don’t want to hear it. Just listen alright?” She cautioned with an unreadable face.
I sat down on the couch, “okay.” She moved to sit next to me tucking one leg under her thigh to face me.
“You know Sebastian…I’ve never been with a man or even a woman if I wasn’t getting paid for it.”
“What do you mean?”
She looked me straight in the eyes, “what I said, I’ve never been with anyone unless I was getting something out of it. I don’t have any idea what it feels like to not get paid for my company.”
“Ysa, we’re different.” I tried to explain.
“Are we? Because you pay for me, you’ve been paying for me for a year now. Do you see everything around you, Sebastian? You’re paying for my comfortable lifestyle and in return I’m at your beck and call. How convenient for us both.” She acknowledged.
I grabbed her hand and she let me, “I know this is hard alright. I need you. You know I do.”
“I know. That’s the problem, Sebastian. I let this go on for far too long. This is my fault I control the situation.”
“What are you talking about?” I didn’t like where this was going.
“Us. I’m talking about this. I can’t do this anymore.”
“Ysa…” I said pulling her to me. She straddled my legs and I kissed her head, her forehead, her cheeks, her neck, I wanted to kiss her everywhere and all at once. I wanted to keep her there with me. I kissed her lips and she let me, her mouth opened for me, and I felt the silkiness from her tongue. I didn’t feel her; she was just giving me her body. And for the first time since this whole situation started, I realized how she was able to give herself to other men.
I hated myself for becoming one of those men to her, that hurt me more than anything. I was supposed to be different, we were supposed to have been different.
I put my forehead on hers and looked deep into her eyes. I didn’t see it anymore, the light, the love, the happiness, all of it was for me, and it was gone. Her eyes were just as beautiful as the day I first saw them, they were just no longer alive. They were no longer for me. I had ruined it. I ruined everything.
“Please, don’t do this.” I whimpered in a voice I didn’t even recognize, I was on the verge of tears.
“My girl…” I pleaded grabbing her cheek.
“We can’t do this anymore, I can’t see you again. I’m going to let Madam know. We’re over, Sebastian.” She stated in a voice I didn’t recognize.
I raised my eyebrows and I could feel the tears falling down my face, “I want you, I need you, I love-“
She abruptly stood taking my whole world with her, “get the fuck out!” She yelled pointing to the door.
“Don’t do this!” I shouted, standing up to her, going toe to toe, she didn’t back down, she stood her ground, just like I knew she would.
She chuckled deviously, “in this lifetime Sebastian, you’re happily married, a father, and I’m a prostitute. I will not continue to play this mind fuck with you. I don’t need to be saved, this isn’t a love story, and I don’t need you to be my happily ever after. This is a means to an end; you pay me to fuck you.” She violently spewed, “I’m trying to do the right thing here, for once in my fucked up existence, I’m trying to do the right fucking thing.”
“You could really walk away that easily? And we both know if I were a happily married man, I wouldn’t be here.”
She cocked her head to the side and grinned, “where do you tell your wife you’re going when you’re with me? Huh? Do you tell her you’re with me? Does she know you’re fucking a prostitute on the side and then you go home to her?”
I didn’t say one word; I couldn’t even believe this was happening.
I saw anger run through Ysabelle’s face, as she suddenly pushed me with so much force that I fell back.
“ANSWER ME!” She screamed, getting right up to my face. I turned because I couldn’t look at her anymore.
“Does she like the way I smell or taste, Sebastian? Does she?” She grabbed the sides of my face with both hands and made me look at her.
“Or wait…do you ALWAYS take a shower and clean yourself up, before you go home to her…as you walk out these doors do you take your ring out of your pocket and put it back on?
Then you walk through the doors of your home, hug your kid, and kiss your wife right? Isn’t that what goes down. You guys talk about your day and then you tuck in your kid goodnight. Then what do you do, huh? Do you tell her how you were inside me mere hours earlier, screaming my fucking name Sebastian!”
She held my face tighter, wanting to hurt me, as much as I had done her.
“Or do you just walk back to your bedroom, make love to your wife, tell her how much you love her, and hold her while she sleeps. Is that what you do? Make love to your wife and then fuck me, your whore?” I gasped and she roughly let go.
“That’s what I fucking thought. Your time with me is over, Sebastian. I need you to go, if you won’t go on your own free will, then I will have you escorted out.”
I grabbed her arm more forcefully then I intended and made her face me.
“It would be that easy for you to walk away from me wouldn’t it? Like I mean nothing to you, like this meant nothing to you.”
“Ab-sa-fucking-lutley Sebastian, You’re only fucking me, because I remind you of your dead girlfriend.” I instantly grabbed her harder and she yelped in pain.
“No, Baby, that’s where you’re wrong. Olivia would have never sold herself, because it doesn’t matter what way you paint it Ysabelle, it doesn’t change the fact that you sell your pussy for money.” Her face looked as if I’ve slapped her and I immediately regretted it.
She quickly replaced it with a smile; “you should know, you’ve been paying for it for a year.”
Y
Sebastian released me, but not before he looked at me with disgust and remorse all at once.
“Those boxes by the door all belong to you, you can see yourself out.” He looked over by the door almost surprised that he had just noticed them.
“I don’t want any of your shit in my condo, take it, throw it away, or fucking burn it.” I said vindictively, “there’s a check on the counter for Chance.”
He bowed his head in defeat and I wanted to scream and hit him to fight for me, to convince me not to leave him, but I didn’t. I pushed in my nail into my palm to the point that I thought I was going to make it bleed to stop myself from running to him.
Sebastian reached for me one last time and I swiftly moved back, he shook his head and walked to the door. It took everything I had in me to not go to him, he looked broken, I had broken him, and now we were even.
He rubbed Chance’s head before taking one last look at me, “I’m sorry for everything, Ysa.” He said as he opened the door and walked out of my life.
I stood there for what seemed like a lifetime, tears streaming down my face, until I couldn’t take it anymore and screamed bloody murder at the top of my lungs. I ran for the boxes and started taking everything out of them, throw
ing them everywhere, all the gifts, letters, his belongings, I ripped, shredded, tossed, and threw all of it out of my sight, scattered it everywhere, screaming and crying along the way.
I couldn’t take it anymore and leaned my whole body against the door, until my body couldn’t hold me up anymore and I started sliding down the door, crying and wallowing in the misery I allowed.
After cleaning up the massive mess I had created in more ways than one, I made myself decent and drove to Madam’s. I found her in her office almost as if she had been expecting me.
“Bella Rosa.” She greeted with a hug and a kiss, “it doesn’t matter how much makeup you put on, I can still see that you look like shit.”
“Thanks Madam, I didn’t come for the pleasant conversation. I need you to do something for me, and I will do something for you in exchange, which I’m sure will make you ecstatic.” I stated in a sarcastic tone.
“Oh yeah.”
“I need you to change my number and move me condos.”
“Hmmm…trouble in paradise, I presume?”
“After you do this for me you can put me back on the schedule. I just need some time to clear my head and get my shit together.”
“Well…I’m not much for gloating, I think this needs to be said-“
“I’m fully aware that I fucked up, alright? There is no need for the I told you sos, Call it being young and careless, and trust me when I say it will never happen again.” She nodded.
“Are you alright, Darling?” She empathized.
“I will be.”
She left the room and returned with a new phone, and two sets of keys.
“I’ll have all your contacts transferred to that phone and the movers will be there first thing in the morning. That’s the new set of keys to your new condo, it’s located in Marquis Residences unit 1613, it’s already fully furnished, and all you need to pack are your clothes and whatever personal belongings you would like to bring. I imagine you want to start fresh, yes?” I nodded.
“Alright…well consider this a lesson learned consolation prize.” She stated handing me another set of keys.
“It’s an Audi A8, its parked in the garage you can leave the set to your current ones.”
“Thank you, Madam.”
“Of course Bella Rosa, I’m always here for you, you know that. Now enough of the melodramatics its not our style, were far to pretty for it. The White’s Annual Gala is exactly four weeks away, do you think you will be better by then?”
“Mmm hmm.” Was all I could reply, I hadn’t been with another man in a year, I had a month to mentally prepare myself.
“Lovely, I know the perfect gentleman, Darling.” She snickered.
“Great, well then I don’t want to take up too much of your time, I’ll be going.” I got up to leave.
“Bella Rosa.”
I turned, “hmmm.”
“Don’t ever fuck with your heart again. Do you understand?”
“Of course.” She nodded and I was excused.
S
What the hell just happened? Why the fuck did I feel like I had just been hit in the chest with a sledgehammer? I wasn't sure how to be me without her anymore. Could I really just go home to my family and pretend like Ysabelle never happened. FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! I screamed over and over, beating the hell out of my steering wheel as I waited for the light to turn green.
My whole world had just changed, just like that in the matter of minutes. I would never get to hold her, to kiss her, to love her. I hadn’t even told her that I loved her. I never once told her how much I loved her.
I understood everything she was saying to me. It wasn’t fair to her and I was the one that was causing that verdict. Every time I called her, all those times I went to her, every last second of truly making her mine. To pretend she was truly my girl…
I never once considered her feelings, and how she felt, or what she was going through. I just expected her to be there at any point that I was ready for her, when I made room for her in my life, when it was convenient for me.
I never gave her a choice or an option to be with me, it was all my doing, my expectations, and my demands. Every last bit of it was on my fucking terms. Julia wasn’t the only victim in this; Ysabelle was too, I had used her in the worst way possible.
I had broken a woman that I put together in the first place. I fucked her up even more so than she was before. I had never seen the look in her eyes that I witnessed, my Ysa..my girl…was gone.
And now I was expected to go home and pretend like none of this ever happened. I was supposed to go on and resume my life as it was, before she came tumbling in.
She never was and now she never would be.
I did the only thing I knew how to do, I went to the bar and got sloppy ass drunk.
After spending the entire day at the bar, I took a cab ride home; once I knew Christian would be asleep.
I tip toed into the garage to find Julia waiting for me.
“What the hell Sebastian? I have been calling you all day. Where have you been? Jesus, you smell like whiskey and cigarettes.
“Hi Babygirl.” I stammered stumbling over my own two feet.
“Oh my God! You’re drunk.”
“Just a little bit.” I said trying to compose myself and lacking severely, “I’m sorry, I was with clients and I don’t know how this happened.” I slurred.
“Obviously, come on let me help you.” I barely remember the rest of the night. I woke up to a blinding bright light and a very pissed off Julia.
“Julia…not right now. My head is pounding.” I said covering my eyes.
“Sebastian what the hell is going on? This isn’t like you.”
“I told you I got carried away with clients. You’ll be happy when the check clears.”
“What the fuck, Sebastian?” She angrily replied.
“Shit I’m sorry, I don’t know what I’m saying. I’m just severely hung over. Can we finish this later?”
“Whatever Sebastian.”
“Ugh.” I grunted reaching for her. This was the only way I was going to get her to stop. I pulled her into my arms and kissed her head and told her I was sorry, I loved her, and I would never do it again.
That seemed to take away her apprehension and won me a smile before she got dressed, and left with Christian.
I called into work faking that I still had the flu and went back to sleep. I woke hours later with less of a hangover. However, with more of a recollection of why I had gotten so fucked up in the first place.
I needed to fix this, I had to make it better, I couldn’t live without her. As I waited for the coffee to be ready I called her, to be slapped in the face, “the number you are trying to reach has been disconnected, please hang up and try again.”
“What the fuck.” I quickly changed, called a taxi to take me to my car, and grabbed my coffee on the way out.
When I made it to her front door I tried to use my key, it wouldn’t work. I banged on it, “Ysa! Answer the door.” I repeated over and over again.
The door opened and an older man answered, I could feel my blood start to boil.
“Who the fuck are you?” I demanded.
“Whoa Man calm down. We’re just the movers. We’re done.”
“Movers? What the hell are you talking about, where’s Ysabelle?”
“I don’t know who you’re talking about. We were told to move things from this building to-“
“Mr. Vanwell.” Madam said from behind me.
“Would you care to stop harassing my staff?” She cautioned.
“Thank you, Jerico.” She handed him an envelope before he left.
“Please come inside, I don’t want a scene in the hallway.” She said as I followed her inside.
All of Ysabelle’s stuff was still there not one thing was taken.
I looked at Madam, “Where is she?”
“Mr. Vanwell, I think you know as well as I do that Ysabelle does what she wants. I don’t understand how
you don’t get that yet. I’m not her keeper as much as you think I am. She is no longer taking residence here and you are no longer a client of VIP.”
I grabbed her wrist, “Are you fucking kidding me?”
“I advice you Mr. Vanwell, to let me go before you further piss me off.”
“Tell me where she is. You can’t do this, you can’t hide her from me.”
“And why pray tell do you think this is my doing? Bella Rosa came to me not the other way around. She wants nothing to do with you her words not mine. Now let me go.” I let her go stunned by what she was telling me.
“Do yourself a favor Mr. Vanwell, get your shit together before you further fuck up your life. You’ve already lost one woman you wouldn’t want to lose the other.” She advised before leaving.
I was at a loss for words. I walked around the entire condo in a fog. Everywhere I looked I was reminded of Ysabelle, every last moment that we shared, the laughing, talking, smiling, and making love. We had spent an entire couple of times christening every inch of her condo, her favorite was in the kitchen island.
I remembered the first time she fed me her favorite cookies and cream coffee ice cream, her own recipe. The time she burnt dinner, because I couldn’t keep my hands off her, the endless amounts of watching football and sharing comfortable silence. Her laughter was always contagious and it didn’t matter what I was doing, if she was laughing it would make me smile.
I had so many regrets in my life. I used to think that never being with Olivia was my number one, I knew now that it was just the tip of the iceberg. I was meant to be with Ysabelle, she was supposed to be in my life. I regretted not telling her that I loved her, I should have said it to her every second of everyday.
I made my way into her bedroom and it was just as I had left it. I could still smell her in the air. I could still feel her on my skin, and in my blood. She would permanently be a part of me. I knew then that I would never be the same. She left me and took my heart with her, she doesn’t ever want to see you again, her words not mine.