We laid in silence briefly, both contemplating uncharted feelings, I was sure. I kept my eyes on the dark ceiling, not looking over at him.
“Sebastian?”
“Mmm hmm?”
The darkness was allowing me to ask questions that I would never be able to ask in the light of day.
“Are you happy?” I inquired trying not to hold my breath.
“What do you mean? Like right now?”
“No…in general. Are you happy?”
I felt him tense up and I reached over and held his hand. He squeezed it before bringing it up to his lips and kissing my palm. He then placed our entwined hands over his heart.
He took a deep breath, “Baby, I wish I knew how to give you a straight answer. Julia and I grew up together, we are best friends and always have been. I’ve known her since the day she was born, and our parents are also best friends. I love her more than anything in this world.” I sighed and he paused for a moment.
“Olivia was also Julia’s sister, they weren’t blood related, she was adopted when Julia was ten. I was a twelve year old boy who fell for her the second I laid my eyes on her. The feeling was mutual and it proceeded to years of feelings, secrets, and lies. Julia still doesn’t know about what happened between us.
One night when I was away at college she called me drunk, and the next morning she was dead.” He wept even in the dark night I could see tears sliding down his face.
“I blamed myself for a long time. Julia was there to pick up the pieces and we’ve been together ever since.”
“Did she kill herself?”
“The reports stated that she hit her head on something and drowned, I was the last to talk to her, and part of me feels like there’s more to the story.”
“I’m sorry Sebastian. I haven’t ever lost anyone like that, I imagine there’s no greater hurt.”
“I’ve never told anyone that before, Ysa.”
I wanted to tell him everything about me, my childhood, my mother, and my life…I almost did, before I could he got up, turned on the light, and left.
I didn’t know if I was supposed to follow. Luckily he returned quickly with a glass of water, and resumed his position near me.
“Sorry…I just needed a minute.”
“I understand.”
“Ysa, my whole life I’ve done the right thing for other people, especially for Julia. There’s a part of me that resents her, and it’s unfair because it’s not her fault that I made the choices I did. I thought I was doing the right thing.
Until I met you, my whole life was planned out for me, I’m happy in the sense of being comfortable and content. It fucking kills me to say that to you, because Julia deserves much more than that.”
I leaned up and put my chin on his chest to look at his face, he put his arm under his head and looked at me, his other hand started playing with my hair.
“You’re human Sebastian, people aren’t perfect, and when they try to be, they always crack in one way or another. I’ve seen both the horror and beauty of life.”
“Why don’t you tell me anything about yourself, Beautiful Girl?”
“I don’t know how to. I’m so fucking jaded, Sebastian.” I put my forehead on his chest, “now…I’ve never said that out loud before.” I whispered.
He grabbed my chin making me look at him again, “Are you happy?”
“I don’t even know the meaning of the word, Sebastian. I’ve lived a really fucked up life and up until I met you, I didn’t question anything about it. You make me question everything I’m supposed to believe in.
I have no idea what the fuck we’re doing. I have never let feelings get involved with anything I have ever done, and that’s kept me alive and safe. You…have me thinking what it could be like to look over on the other side of the fence and that scares me more than anything.”
“You also make me question everything.” He whispered.
“Everybody has strengths and weaknesses, Sebastian mine just happens to be between my legs.” His hand went still.
His thumb swiped at my bottom lip, “Do you honestly believe that?”
“Yeah, I do. This is all I’ve ever known.”
“You’re worth the world, Ysa.” He stated smiling.
“I think we should get some sleep now.”
“I think you’re right.” He replied.
We slept in the same position as the night before. It didn’t matter how many men and women I had been with those last few days were more intimate than I had ever shared with anyone.
We ate breakfast in the control room the following morning, both of us aware that this would be our last day together. Neither of us said anything about it. We went about our day as we did the day before, laughing, talking, and enjoying our time together.
This trip was nothing of what I expected it to be. We still hadn’t had sex and I couldn’t believe that he had paid that much money to spend time with me.
We hit land midafternoon and it didn’t matter how many times I had been to the Virgin Islands it was still breathtakingly beautiful. St. Bart’s had always been one of my favorite places. We had help docking the boat and then we cleaned her.
He put his hands on his hips, “Alright, we have three options. We can go inland have dinner, dancing, and get a hotel room; or we can do all that and stay on the yacht; or we could eat on the boat and relax.” He noted.
“I don’t know about you, but I’m starting to get stir crazy. Let’s go with option one, plus the yacht is all pretty and clean.” I reminded.
“Good call.”
We grabbed our stuff and went inland to stay at the Eden Rock Resort. We got a room with a balcony that overlooked the water. Sebastian showered first, while I enjoyed the view.
I went to shower next and when I came out I heard Sebastian talking. I wasn’t stupid enough to think he wasn’t talking to me he was talking to his wife. I looked around the bathroom and found that I forgot my bag. Shit. I didn’t want to go out there, what choice did I have.
I walked out into the room and his face looked panicked. I put my index finger to my mouth in a shhh motion, and saw him relax a little.
Did he think that I was going to rat him out?
“Yeah Babygirl it’s been a long trip, I’ve made good time. My flight leaves in the morning and I’ll be home in the afternoon.” I heard him say as I was looking for my bag, where the fuck did he put it?
“Of course, I miss you, too.” I felt his eyes on me as he was talking to his wife and I didn’t have the courage to look at him.
“Me, too. Hey bud how’s it going over there? You handling things?”
If it wasn’t fucking adorable the way he talked to his son I don’t what was. The moment he hung up the phone I found my bag in the closet.
“I’m sorry Sebastian. I didn’t know where you put my bag, I didn’t mean to eavesdrop.”
“No it’s fine.” The tension in the room was thick, I didn’t know where to hide my face. I knew he felt the same way.
“I’m just going to get ready I won’t be long.” I babbled.
“Ysa…” I heard him say as I walked into the bathroom, I quickly shut the door; I did not want to have that conversation.
I busied myself hoping the more time I was in there the less awkward it would be when I emerged. I did what I always did to avoid fucked up situations; I used my sex appeal. I put on a black maxi skirt with a black bandeau top and wedge sandals. I left my hair curly and put product in it to give it more volume. I added black eyeliner, blush, and lip-gloss.
I gave myself a once over before stepping out into the room; Sebastian was out on the balcony and turned when he heard my footsteps. Smirking he extended his hand out for me, I grabbed onto to it and he pulled me into his arms. He smelled like my favorite cologne. He was dressed in khaki slacks, a white button down shirt, and sandals. He looked handsome with the three day stubble on his face.
“Every time I think you can’t look any more beautiful, you surpass i
t tenfold,” he whispered in my ear, “Now how am I going to keep my hands off you when you smell so edible, Ysa?”
I laughed and pulled away kissing the corner of his mouth, “that’s the point.”
I pulled away from him to find my clutch, “You ever been here before?” I asked.
“I’ve been to St. Lucia, not here.”
“You?”
“I’ve been to all of them. I know this great place we can go to eat, it turns into a club later.”
He cocked his head to the side, “Is there any place you’ve never been to?”
“Hardly, I’ve never been to Turks and Caicos, but I want to own a bar there one day, it’s on my bucket list.”
“Good to know.” He addressed.
It felt great being able to act like a real couple, holding hands, being affectionate, and whispering sweet nothings into each other’s ears.
I got us a private table that overlooked the water. “Do you have pull everywhere you go?” He teased with a certain edge in his voice.
“Why, Sebastian, are you jealous?”
S
“I just find it amusing how worldly you are. I guess that must be one of the perks of the job, huh?”
“Something like that.” She stated taking a sip of her champagne.
Our food arrived and I couldn’t help to think about what happened in the hotel room. I felt awful that she heard me talking to Julia while I was with her, which was even more fucked up, because it should have been the other way around. I should have felt terrible for having her there in the first place.
I missed Christian like crazy, but I hadn’t thought too much about Julia. It was as if being around Ysabelle made me forget about the world. As much as I tried to gaze around and people watch. I couldn't do it. The only people watching I wanted to do was in front of me.
The way she ate was even fucking sexy to me. When she emerged from the bathroom wearing the sexiest outfit I’d ever seen her in, I almost blew my load right then and there. Ysabelle was mind blowing sexy she displayed all her sex appeal out in the open. I had never met a woman like that before.
I wanted to know if she was always like that or if it was something Madam taught her. She had the ability to be anything men wanted. I had personally seen her transform like a chameleon.
When the waiter came back to our table I was getting ready to exchange some words, the way he kept looking at her was fucking irritating.
“Is there anything else I could get you?” He said only staring at her.
“Yes, can we get four shots of Patrón, lime, and salt, please?”
“Anything for you.” He answered, as she batted her eyelashes smiling as he left.
She looked over at me and grinning “What?”
I shook my head “Did Madam teach you that, too?”
“Madam has taught me lots of things Sebastian, you just haven’t taken me up on the opportunity to show you...yet.”
I was tongue tied and didn’t know how to respond. I knew she wanted to have sex again. I just didn’t know if I could do it again. All the feelings that I had for her only seem to intensify being around her, adding sex into the equation would only be fucking me even further. I was already going to hell in a hand basket.
Our shots came to our table and she scooted over to me.
She reached for the salt “Want to do a body shot?” she incited licking her lips.
Fuck.
I nodded.
She put her index finger near my mouth “suck,” she commanded.
I grabbed her palm and slowly sucked on her finger while she bit her bottom lip. She pulled it away when it was moist enough to dip it in the salt, and then spread it on top of her cleavage.
“Ready?” She said grabbing the lime to place it in between her lips.
I leaned over and licked the salt off her breast while lightly sucking, I took down the tequila and it immediately warmed my insides.
I looked into her bright green eyes that now looked deep and indulgent. I moved forward and sucked the citrus juice from her lips and she moaned.
We finished the shots two a piece and then the music started coming on and a different crowd started to arrive.
The music began and Ysabelle started moving in her seat. We drank some more and flirted uncontrollably for the next three hours.
“Ah! I love this song!” she shouted standing up over me “let’s dance.”
“Ysa, I’m white. I can’t move like you.” She laughed and started dancing on her own, swaying her body and hips to the music. The way her body moved should be fucking illegal; it was almost like she was made for sex. Everything about her screamed sex when she was dancing I had never seen anything like it before.
I looked around the room and every man’s eyes were on Ysabelle. Their faces screamed desire and hunger and I wanted nothing more than to grab her, throw her over my shoulder, and take her the fuck back to the room where only I could see her.
The fact that this was our last night together was pulling at my heart. I didn’t want to let her go, I wanted to stay here with her, I wanted to be with her.
She caught my gaze and she moved to stand in between my legs. She proceeded to dance seductively mere inches away from my face and cock, which immediately came to life.
She noticed and smiled seductively. She could move like no other, she circled me in a tempting fashion as she provocatively lowered her body, sliding down mine. I couldn't fucking take it.
I didn’t know how she pulled me up off the seat, she did and we danced, no we weren’t dancing, we were fucking right there on that dance floor. The way our bodies moved in sync with one another, the uncontrollable emotional stares, and the way our lips teased each other without touching was nearly orgasmic, I was sure that I had never been in a more erotic emotional state in all my life.
“Sebastian," she practically moaned.
“What Baby?”
“Get me out of here," she begged.
And I did just that. I took her hand and led her to the taxi, before I knew what was happening we were back in our room. I kicked the door closed and watched as Ysabelle stood there waiting for my next move. I could see her chest moving, she was aroused, she was waiting for me to make the first move. I knew if I told her that we were going to sleep she would do just that. She wanted me to take the lead.
I slowly walked over to her. My fingers found her cheeks and I brushed them lightly up and down. She leaned into my embrace while I framed her face. I didn’t know if it was the alcohol or the dancing, I had never seen that look in her eyes, her eyes were telling me everything that she couldn’t say with words. My thumbs found her lips and I caressed them back and forth, she parted her mouth for me and lightly licked them.
I hadn’t even kissed her yet and I was fucking melting. I internally fought a battle that was impossible to win. The first time we had sex it had just happened. It was in the spur of the moment and we both had gotten carried away. If we were to have sex right now it would be because we both decided. It would be a premeditated act. I didn’t know if I would be able to look at myself in the mirror if we went any further.
I could stand there and say it was just about sex, although we both knew that was a lie. This was deeper than that. This was something catastrophic, not only for me, but her as well. I was afraid of what would come once I crossed this forbidden line.
“Sebastian.” She panted.
That was my undoing and before I could think about it for one more second, before I could think about my wife, my son, the boundaries that I was crossing, I kissed her. I swear, kissing her was like a tidal wave itself. We were already making love, standing there fully clothed with the single most emotional kiss ever.
She kissed me back with just as much passion. Our lips moved like they were made for each other. I moved her hair out of her face and tugged at the nook of her neck, she moaned. That was a moan of destruction. It wasn’t the moan that I’d heard come from Julia time and time again. This was
full of desperation. Ysabelle was fighting her own demons and we could both feel it.
I could hear her heartbeat and feel her pulse. It was rhythmic, an alluring sound that both soothed and controlled me. The sad part was, it was controlling her too and we were both out of control. I knew what I was doing was wrong, though it felt so fucking right. Everything about this woman felt right.
I could feel her getting antsy I knew what she wanted. I knew what she was used to. I knew if I was going to do this, that I should have been doing it that way, I couldn’t help myself. I never could when I was with her. I didn’t want to be like every other man to Ysabelle. I might not have had the right, hell, I knew I didn’t have the right, I was about to take her someplace neither of us had any business going. She was engraining herself into my heart and I wanted to do the same to her
Ysabelle’s demeanor suddenly switched gears. She was terrified of the emotions toying between us. She wanted this to stop. She wanted me to fuck her. I wasn’t allowing it. I was going to do this, I was going to step over the fucking line and make love to her.
“Shhh Ysa…go slow. I want to feel you.” I groaned in-between kisses, “let me be with you, like I know you need and be with me like you know I want.”
Y
How the fuck had I let this happen? The night had moved in a 180 direction. I knew what he was implying. His words meant something to me and I didn’t want them to. I didn’t want this to happen, I wanted it to stop. I couldn’t fucking say the words. I couldn’t make myself say no. I couldn’t push him away, if anything I wanted him closer. I wanted him closer to me, than any other man had ever been.
He knew it too. He knew I just wanted him to treat me the way I’d always been treated. I needed him to stop with all of this emotional bullshit, and to just fuck me, tell me to suck his dick, tell me to taste my pussy on his lips, tell me to bend over, anything but this. I didn’t know how to handle this. Why the fuck was this happening to me? Why the fuck did it have to happen with a married man? Not just any married man, a happily married man or was that all counterfeit? He wouldn’t be here with me if he was happily married, would he? Fuck Ysabelle, stop.