“El café con leche, is on the table. Drink some it will make you feel better.”
“Mmm hmm.” Was all I could come up with….I looked over at the clock on the microwave.
“6:30 a.m. Really? Couldn’t this have waited, till I don’t know noon?” She handed me my cup of coffee.
“Early bird gets the worm, Bella Rosa and we have a mighty big worm to conquer today.” I shook my head looking over at the array of breakfast that was sitting on my breakfast bar.
“You should have asked me what I like to eat, Madam. That is way too much food. I usually just like coffee and granola bar for breakfast. I mean maybe oatmeal, that over there is ridiculous. You could feed a small army.” She smiled.
“Well yes it is a little extravagant isn’t it? Darling, it isn’t from me. It’s from Gabriel.” I looked away from the food and looked over at Madam.
“What?”
“Did I stutter? You heard me. It’s from Gabriel. Ysabelle, I don’t like to repeat myself.” She said, while holding the bridge of her nose. “You need to get used to all this, because this is nothing. Ugh, this is why I never had children, I have no patience.” She made an exaggerated sigh and took a sip out of coffee.
“Alright, for you I will try. Come here doll.” She grabbed my hand and led me over to the couch.
“Gabriel is very taken with you, as he should be, I mean look at you. Anyways, this right here.” She gestured towards the food. “Is nothing, I mean it’s actually pretty basic if you ask me. I mean if he really wanted to make an impression he would have sent some jewelry and flowers, Gabriel can be rather selfish like most men.” She said as she inspected her nails.
“Here’s the deal. This is Gabriel’s way of saying he wants your pussy. I don’t how I feel about that yet. We have a Gala that we’ve been asked to attend. I think it would be better if we waited until then to showcase your availability. We could test the water to highest bidder. What do you think?”
“I don’t care Madam, I mean I wouldn’t mind being with Gabriel, he seemed nice enough.” She watched me carefully and put her hand on mine.
“Bella Rosa, lovely girl you’re selling yourself short sweet girl. You are like a classic wine that hasn’t been uncorked yet, men will pay top dollar for the first taste.”
“Oh, I understand.” I said, still sounding a little skeptical. “I’m not a virgin.”
“Yes, but you are to this industry. My clients will know that. This isn’t my first rodeo, Ms. Telle. Trust me.” I nodded.
“Well then, another rule to add to our relationship. No doubting yourself, first and foremost don’t doubt me, okay?” I nodded again.
“I’m glad we cleared that up. Now, I need you to jump in the shower the ob-gyn should be here in thirty minutes. He needs to check you out, give you the shot, and then we are off to a few etiquette classes that I have scheduled for you.
“Etiquette classes?”
“Yes Darling, just standard stuff mostly just proper dinning skills and conversational skills. Then we are meeting some of the girls for lunch. I want you to start making friends.”
“Do all the girls live in this building?”
“Some, I like all my girls to be scattered. They all live around here, only the best for my babies. Now enough chit-chat we will have enough of that later. Go get ready.”
I stood and went to go get ready. Twenty minutes later I emerge in my living room that now has a table with stirrups and all. Great. The older man who I assumed to be the doctor, was laying out tools that looked scarier than anything I had ever scene. Madam was out on the balcony talking on the phone. I proceeded to the end of the couch and I felt uncomfortable in my own skin.
The older man turned and gave me a warm smile.
“Ms. Telle, I presume?” He said.
“Ysabelle, my name is Ysabelle.”
“Nice to meet you, Ysabelle, I am Dr. Patel. Do you know what we are going to do today?”
“Kind of.”
“Let me explain. I will be asking you a few questions, some will be more personal than others; I need to establish your sexual history as well as any medical issues. Then I will be giving you a pap smear to make sure you’re healthy and a normal physical as well. I will also be giving you a STD test and the Depo-Provera shot. The results will be ready quickly. Are you ready to begin?”
“I am.” As if on cue, Madam walked in.
“Ok great, you’re here. Charles, are you about ready to go? We have a busy day ahead of us.” I guess Dr. Patel is Charles; I wonder how long they’ve known each other and if he knows what she does.
Madam walked over to me and sat on the other end of the couch.
“Bella Baby, don’t be nervous this is all standard. It’s a precaution for us to know that you are healthy, plus we already discussed the preferred method of birth control. It will be fast and pain free, I promise.” For some reason I felt at ease with Madam in the room, like she magically made everything better.
The questions that Dr. Patel asked were what I was expecting. It wasn’t until I was spread eagle on the table did I really feel uncomfortable. I have never had a pap smear before. I hope that everything came back normal.
When he was done I got dressed and Madam handed him a white envelope, she kissed him on the cheek, and he was out the door.
“Ysabelle, what are those?” She said pointing to my shoes.
“My sandals.” I answered.
“Better yet, what the hell are you wearing? Where did those clothes come from?”
“I brought some of my things with me from my apartment.” She proceeded to circle me with her finger on her lips and lightly chuckled.
“Do you think I like wasting money, Ysabelle?”
“No, of course not.” She abruptly left me, and went into the kitchen where she grabbed a black garbage bag from under the sink and started walking towards the direction of my bedroom. I stood there not knowing what to do and then I decided to follow her, I treaded lightly. I did something wrong, I think I offended her.
I walked into my bedroom and watched as she rummaged through all of my belongings and threw away everything that I had brought with me. Including my cell phone. When she was finished she walked over to me and she looked pissed.
“Understand something Ysabelle, don’t you ever take my gifts for granted, as quickly as they come they can go.”
“Wait, what? No, I didn’t do that. I appreciate it all; I just wanted something of mine. I worked very hard for all of my things, Madam. I’m not used to being taken care of, can you understand that?” I gave back as much attitude as I was getting. She needed to understand that I don’t cower down to anyone. This felt like it was a power exchange.
“Ysabelle, that life is over now. You receive extravagant things and don’t wear sandals from Target. Everything in that closet is for you. You exude money and power, learn it, live it, and fucking love it. Yes?” I nodded.
“Great! Now take off those fucking clothes, and put some real Goddamn clothes on. Ladies wear heels, even if they are walking to the dumpster.” With that she grabbed the trash bag of my clothing and walked out of my room. I guess we’re done with the conversation.
I dressed in a pair of Marciano skinny jeans, Gucci off the shoulder gray top, and black Louboutin stilettos. As soon as I walked into the room, Madam’s smile lit up the room.
“There Bella Rosa, don’t you feel better. Honestly…you have to tell me you don’t feel like a million bucks, because you sure do look it.” I didn’t really want to agree with her, but I couldn’t help it. I did feel better about myself in the clothes, she did have a point. I guess that was her reasoning for wanting me to dress like that.
“Actually, I do Madam. I can see where you’re coming from. I’m sorry.”
“Oh Bella Rosa, it’s already forgotten, silly girl.” I grabbed my purse and we were out the door. I followed Madam to the parking garage, assuming a chauffeur would be waiting for us. I heard an alarm set to a car and followe
d where it was coming from, a white Mercedes CLS caught my vision.
“Wow, that’s one hell of a car.” I said, while walking to the passenger side. She slid her hand into mine with the keys.
“Great, because its yours.”
“What the fuck? Are you kidding? I haven’t even made any money, yet.”
“Ysabelle.” I could hear her frustrated tone.
“Thank you, Madam.” Was all I could say. No more complaints or questions. Just thank you and I understands. She smiled at that and started to walk over to the passenger side.
I spent the morning at the etiquette classes, while Madam spent the time on her phone. The classes were fairly easy; I just didn’t understand why there needs to be several different types of silverware for one meal.
On the ride to meet the other girls for lunch, I was a bit nervous. I wanted them to like me, I’ve never really cared about what people thought of me, but with these girls I wanted them to think that I’m beautiful and smart. I wanted them to think that I was one of them.
We parked and entered Prime on Ocean drive at 1:00 p.m.
“Good afternoon Senora, the ladies are here. I will escort you to your table, the usual?
“Yes Victor and also for Ysabelle.”
“Of course.” He replied. I couldn’t help, and wonder if Madam had everyone eating out of the palm of her hand. We walked to a secluded room in the back where I immediately noticed seven breathtaking women. I felt like I just stepped into the Playboy Mansion.
“Ysabelle.” They all said in unison. I was greeted with kisses on each cheek and hugs by all of them. My nerves subsided and I finally felt at ease. We all took our seats and I sat at the head of the table while Madam sat at the other side.
“My beautiful babies, I am so glad we all got a chance to do lunch. I know your schedules have been rather hectic lately. I’m happy nonetheless, that you were able to give Ysabelle such a warm welcome.”
I met all of the ladies one by one.
Victoria is a Russian beauty, light brown hair, baby blue eyes, petite nose, and pink pouty lips. Her accent is to die for. She’s twenty-three and had been with VIP for two years.
Milania is Italian with long curly black hair, dark baby-doll brown eyes, strong cheekbones, and thin lips. She’s twenty-one and had also been with VIP for two years.
Nicolette is Swedish with medium length platinum blonde hair, sea blue eyes, apple shaped face, and perfect straight teeth. She’s twenty-two and had been with VIP for a year.
Louka is Hawaiian, brown long straight hair, brown Asian eyes, slender nose, and smile to die for. She’s twenty-three and had been with VIP for four years.
Tyra is African American with light brown skin, curly hair, honey colored eyes, oval shaped face, and plumper lips than mine. She’s twenty and had been with VIP for two years.
Layla is a California native with dirty blonde hair, green eyes, prominent face features, and thin lips. She’s twenty-three and had been with VIP for three years.
And last but not least, the beautiful Brooke. She’s twenty-two and had been with VIP for four years. She’s the veteran of the group.
All the women varied with heights, sizes, and styles. They all have one thing in common though; they all exuded this confidence that you could feel just coming through the door, they wore their sexuality on their sleeves. Their demeanors, conversations, and mannerisms scream, “look at me!”
I quickly made friends with all the girls, I still hit it off the most with Brooke, maybe it’s because we shared something intimate or our personalities just clicked.
I felt like I was a part of something.
I felt like I had a family.
It felt like home.
*S*
I felt nails skim my chest. “Hey Baby, wake up.” I moved my head to the sound of the voice. I opened my eyes to a pair of emerald green eyes, staring back at me.
Fuck…I did it again. I was officially done with Jack Daniels. I groaned and moved to get up, hoping this chick would take the hint and get the hell out of my apartment.
“I guess I wore you out, huh? I’ve been known to do that a time or two.” she laughed at herself and stretched her body, reminding me of a cat. I found a Tri Del shirt and skirt on the floor and tossed them in her direction. She reached for them and started to dress. Thank God the girl could take a clue! That was why I slept with sorority chicks; no harm, no foul. They were looking for a good time and all I wanted to do was come and get them the fuck out. I must have gotten pretty fucked up. I never let them stay the night.
“Well that was fun! I’m glad I finally got to experience Sebastian Vanwell, before you graduated. The gossip and rumors are true about you. I’ll report back that you were even better than what I’ve heard.” I smiled, what else was I supposed to do. Like I cared about what people said. I was graduating in a few months and all I wanted to do was start the next chapter of my life.
She finally left, and made sure to leave her name and phone number on my fridge. I tore it off and threw it in the garbage. The years were filled with nothing, just grief. I had fallen into a deep depression of booze and women, and I thanked my lucky stars that I didn’t fuck up school and was graduating in the spring.
I got ready and headed out to the gym. I became obsessed with working out. It was the only time I allowed my mind to wander. I can’t explain how much guilt and anger I held within. Some days it ate me up inside to the point where I didn’t even want to get out of bed. Other days I didn’t want to see or talk to anyone. I had successfully pushed away most of my loved ones, as much as I tried to push Julia away she wouldn’t let me. She called me at least once a day, sometimes I answered, most of the time it went voicemail.
Speak of the devil; her ears must have been ringing.
“Hello.” I answered.
“Sebastian Vanwell, what the hell? I have been calling you for the last week and have left voicemail after voicemail for you to call me back. I’ve been texting you like crazy. Have you even checked them? I could have been hurt or something. I mean what the fuck, Sebastian? You aren’t the only one that’s hurting…you’re so fucking selfish…God…I’m over your self-loathing bullshit. The anniversary of her death is tomorrow, you prick! I wanted to do something with you.” She took a deep breath.
“Ugh!! You know what? I don’t even want to talk to you anymore. You want to live your life alone with no one around Sebastian, be my fucking guest, because I’m done with you. You think for one second that Olivia would have wanted this to happen to you? I mean do you think that she would have been happy that I’ve barely seen or heard from you these last three years. You’re disgracing yourself, her, and me! YOU ASSHOLE!”
Click, I heard the dial tone. I threw the phone to the passenger seat and veered off to the next bar.
“JD on the rocks please and keep them coming.”
If I didn’t feel like a fuck up enough, that was just the icing on the cake. Julia was right. I had been the worst friend to her those last few years. It was the time that she needed me the most and I completely fucked it up. I was so lost…I didn’t know which way was up or which way was down. I failed two of the people I loved most in this world. I couldn’t help myself.
The only thing I knew how to do to forget; was to drink myself into a stupor. It made everything go away. If I could start all over I would take everything back and Olivia would still be here, nothing would have changed. The pain I felt was overwhelming. How did I let go? How did I forgive myself? How did I go on? I had no idea how to do answer any of this. I resented everything. How did I make amends with someone who is no longer here? All these unanswered questions…
Her death haunted me everyday. EVERY FUCKING DAY. I pictured that silver coffin being lowered below the dirt. I saw that stupid fucking box in that long thin room, being displayed for everyone to see. FUCK. I hated it. I couldn’t let go. I hurt her. Why didn’t I just do what I felt? Why did this shit have to even happen?
Goddamn
it…she should have still been there. She should have been enjoying her college years.
“Buddy, you sure you want another? I can call you a cab. Your car is safe here overnight. You’ve been here all day. I think it’s time to call it quits.”
I laughed. “Like you know a damn thing about me…Buddy.”
“You’re right man, I don’t. What I do know is that drinking yourself into a coma isn’t going to change anything.”
I snorted. “I want another.” I assured him. I wasn’t ready to quit. I could still feel the pain. I needed it to stop.
“"Hey! I get it.” His statement caused me to look up at him.
“Look how bad I feel! See how I'm suffering! I'm pitiful! I'm pathetic! I’m punishing myself, can’t you see!” He said, waving his hands around in the air.
“Everybody goes through pain man… Life is never going to be completely positive. It's never going to rain gummy bears, gumdrops, or skittles. Keep your mouth open anyways and embrace those moments in the rain….at one point you just have to click reset.” He walked away from me. “I’m calling you a cab.”
I heard my phone ding with a text message. I fetched it out of my pocket to see Julia’s face. I opened it up and read.
“I love you, Sebby.”
A moment of clarity…that’s all it took for me. I can’t even explain it. I saw the text message, I knew it was Julia’s face, I read the words from Julia, but it’s what I heard that sent chills through my spine.
Through my years of discontent and despair I had forgotten a number of things. Mostly things about Olivia, I couldn’t remember what she sounded like anymore. Her voice wasn’t clear to me.
It was one of those things that you start to realize when you lose someone you love. I couldn’t remember the smell of her shampoo, the taste of her lip gloss, the sound of her laugh, the look in her eyes when she stared at me across the room full of people, and I couldn’t hear the distinguished sound of her voice.