“Okay lady, you’re obviously wasting my time and I need to get back to work. Thanks for feeling me up in the restroom. I hope you had a great time! I can now add first bisexual experience to my résumé of fucked-upped-ness.” I turned to get the hell out of there. This lady was crazy. She grabbed me by the hair so fast with enough force to jerk my head backwards.
“Don’t bite the hand that will fucking feed you, Ysabelle. That’s the first rule that you need to learn, you also need some God damn manners.” She jerked my head back some more causing me to whimper. “Are you done being a little bitch, or do I need to re-evaluate our relationship?” I nodded my head. The fucking bitch was vicious, ruthless, and didn’t give a fuck that she had just assaulted me. She let me go with a genuine, motherly smile
“Alright then, let’s try this again.” Her personality instantly changed back to being prim and proper, like she didn’t just about rip my hair from my head. She reached into her purse, pulled out a black business card with VIP etched silver lettering on the top and handed it to me. I looked at the front of it and then flipped it over, seeing an address and a phone number on the back.
“Be there tomorrow, at 3:00 p.m.” She demanded.
“I have to work tomorrow.” She looked at me and cocked her eyebrow.
“I’ll see you at three, Ysabelle, have a good night.” She kissed both my cheeks and left the restroom. I stood there for several seconds, just looking at the card and wondering what the hell had just happened. I knew one thing for sure; I would be there tomorrow at three.
I was distracted for the rest of the night. It’s a good damn thing I didn’t have to worry about money. My preoccupied mind wreaked havoc on my tips that night.
*S*
Olivia and I tried to stay away from each other and for the most part it worked, except when we were alone. Everything went to shit when we were alone. Oli came to one of my baseball games alone one afternoon, because Julia was sick and her parents were attending to her. They didn’t want Oli to get sick as well, so they made her come to my game. The girls had turned fourteen and I was sixteen.
I was an All-star baseball player for my school. The girls didn’t really know, however, I had started dating here and there. It was easy to keep that a secret from them when they were still in middle school. I didn’t know what I was going to do next year, when we would all be at the same school again.
The game was nearly over and I kept catching Oli in the stands. Her hair was down and she had started to wear some makeup. I didn’t think she needed it, however, it made her even more beautiful, her bright green eyes blazed through the stands.
When the game was over I ran to the locker rooms, showered, and dressed. I came out looking for Oli, I couldn’t find her anywhere. When I finally found her, she was still sitting in the stands, she hadn’t moved even though the place had cleared out. I grabbed my bag and walked over to her, I set my bag down and sat beside her. Neither one of us said anything for a long time. The sun had finally started setting.
“God…it’s beautiful.” I said.
“I know. Look at all the colors, I love when the sun sets.”
“I wasn’t talking about the sun, Oli.” She turned and found my eyes that were intently looking at her. Oli was growing up to be breathtaking, I knew once she started high school boys were going to be all over her. I didn’t know what I was going to do then.
She blushed and smiled at me.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” She teased.
“Because, I can’t help not looking at you like that.” Her lips parted and her tongue peered out slowly licking her lips. I reached out and caressed the side of her cheek and her face leaned into my fingers. Shifting my hand to the back of her head, I gently brought her over to me.
My lips found hers instantly. It started with just a peck until I opened my mouth to her, and she sought out my tongue. This kiss was much different from our last, that kiss was sloppy; this one was eager and demanding. Our tongues twisted, as we tasted each other. It felt amazing.
She pulled away from me first and laid her forehead on mine. We both stared at each other for a few moments, slightly panting, and breathing each other in.
“I’ve missed this. I wish it could always be like this.” She whimpered.
“Me, too.”
“Why do things have to be complicated and hard? It shouldn’t have to be.”
“I know. I don’t know what to do, Oli. It doesn’t matter what I do somebody gets hurt. I love you, I also love Julia. I can’t hurt her, at the same time I am hurting you and it kills me inside.”
“I know, Sebby. I love you. You know that right? You know that I would do anything for you. You know that I would never want to hurt Julia; she’s everything to me. I owe all of it to the Matthews, I could never hurt her, and I don’t know what would have happened to me if I hadn’t found them. They’re my family, and you are too.”
“Let’s just keep moving forward with how things are Oli, there’s nothing we could do to change anything right now. Let’s just see if something changes in the future.”
She nodded, I could see it in her face that that’s not what she wanted to hear. I didn’t know what to do, I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. It didn’t matter which way I went, somebody would be hurt or unhappy.
We were stuck.
*S*
The new school year was in full swing. We had all just entered another year of school together. I had made quite a name for myself over the past couple of years and I began my junior year as co-captain of my baseball team. I had just turned seventeen and the girls fifteen.
The girls had finally started at my high school as freshman; I would be lying if I told you that I wasn’t uneasy about it. There would be NO ONE taking advantage of them, being as they were now fresh meat. They were both growing up quite nicely…things were maturing and developing right before my very own eyes.
Julia had made the JV cheerleading squad, and as much as she persuaded Olivia to try out with her, Olivia wouldn’t have it. She hated being the center of attention and chose to join the swim team instead. She said it was my influence that made her love the water so much.
I had started dating Allie towards the end of my sophomore year. We met in physics class, and it slowly developed into something more. Julia and Allie hit it off right from the get-go. Allie was a fellow varsity cheerleader, and coached Julia all summer on ways to make the team. Olivia seemed more distant from Allie, she accepted her into my life nonetheless. You wouldn’t really call them friends though, more like acquaintances.
Just because she accepted her into my life, didn’t mean she liked it. I knew she didn’t like it, the truth is; I wasn’t sure what the hell was up between us. We were still best friends. I loved her, and would kill anyone that hurt her.
We knew we couldn’t be together, and I know that it hurt her deeply when I told her that I had started seeing someone.
“Why Sebastian? Why can’t I be enough?” She declared.
“It’s not like that Oli. She’s just a girl. I don’t care about her, like I care about you. You have to know that. What more can I do?” I stated.
“What the hell does that mean?”
“It means, I’m a guy Oli, fuck, I’m seventeen. I have needs and urges. You know?” She looked like I had slapped her in the face, and slowly started backing away from me. I grabbed her by the arm.
“Don’t go like this Oli. I’m sorry. You know I’m sorry. What the fuck can I do? I mean…I don’t know what else to do.”
“God Sebastian, you have no clue do you?”
“What?”
“I could do that with you. I don’t care what way I have you, as long as I do. Julia would never have to find out. I mean we have hid it this long we could keep doing that. Nobody would be the wiser, we could still be together. I understand that I have to share you with Julia, but don’t make me do that with this girl it’s not fair! It’s not right that you would
ask me to do that.” I brought her over to me, and put my arms around her tiny body.
“Baby…” I whispered into her ear and neck, as I softly placed kisses.
“I’m sorry…I can’t.” She instantly placed both hands on my chest and shoved me as hard as she could, which made me lose my balance and almost fall over.
“Go to hell, Sebastian.” She shouted, before running off.
Our relationship became strained after that, we were still around each other it was just different. I knew that I was the one that caused this drift and it slowly began to eat away at me. There was nothing else for me to do, I needed to move forward and hope to God that one day she would understand.
Allie and I got close over the summer, I lost my virginity to her right before school started. Allie had been with one guy before me, which I was grateful for. I didn’t want the responsibility of taking someone’s v-card. We had started messing around and it just happened, it was awkward, and lasted about 4.5 seconds. We practiced and practiced a lot after that though.
Homecoming was a few weeks away, and Allie was already driving me crazy with color schemes. We had both made homecoming court and were in the running for prince and princess. Julia had also made freshman court, which she was just as ecstatic about. She started seeing my teammate, Robert. He was a respectful nice guy, so I was okay with it, no guy would ever be good enough for either of them, but I needed to let go.
Olivia continued to remain distant from me. I knew what it was, although, I tried like hell to ignore it, as she did me. It never worked though. I needed to stop. The major issue was; I couldn’t stop. I couldn’t get her out of my soul. That’s where she was. It was deeper than being in my brain, deeper than even my heart.
I stopped by their house one afternoon on my way home from school. I didn’t knock. I never knocked on their door. Their parents would have thought I’d lost my mind had I knocked on their door. We had always had an open door policy between our houses. I didn’t know Julia or their mother wasn’t home, I avoided being alone with Olivia, it was easier that way.
I tapped on Julia’s door first, and then peeked my head into the empty room. I turned, debating on whether or not to see if Olivia was in her room.
I knocked on her door and waited for her to tell me to enter. I was extremely nervous, I couldn’t leave without saying hello to her.
“Come in.” She called.
I walked in to her coming out of her bathroom in nothing, but a towel.
“Whoa.” I said, and immediately turned around. “Sorry, I didn’t know you were getting out of the shower. “Where are Julia and your mom?” I asked.
She giggled, which surprised me. I hadn’t heard her laugh in a long time.
“It’s okay, Sebastian, you’ve seen me in a towel before. Julia had a dentist appointment after school.”
Oh yeah, she did tell me that, I remembered. “Yes…but, you had a bathing suit on under it.”
“I’m sure you’ve seen a naked girl before, Sebastian.” I could hear the attitude in her voice, and THAT made me turn around.
“What’s your problem?”
She moved to her closet.
“Nothing.”
Of course, good ole nothing which always meant something.
“Come on Oli…talk to me. You never want to talk or hang out anymore. Anytime we all do something, you always just stay in your room. Are you okay?”
She grabbed a dress and started to put it on over her towel. How do girls do that? “Sebastian, it’s nothing. Most of my classes are advanced. I don’t want to fall behind, that’s all.” Once her dress was fully on, she grabbed the bottom of the towel and threw it on her bed.
“Don’t give me that. This started way before school even began. You’ve been like this for months.”
I could feel that she was ignoring me. I grabbed her hand and made her look at me.
“Please, stop ignoring me. I know the last time we were alone we left on bad terms, damn, Oli these last few months have been awful. I miss seeing you, being with you, and having you apart of my life. You’re my best friend and I can’t believe our relationship has evolved to what it’s become. Please, let me back in. I can’t live without you.” I said squeezing her hand, she turned and looked down at the floor.
“Things will never be the way they used to be, Sebastian.” She whispered, her voice sounded like she was giving up and that made me pull her into a hug.
“Why don’t you call me Sebby, anymore, Oli?”
“Because, you aren’t ‘mine’ anymore. You haven’t been mine in a long time.”
“What are you talking about? I’m right here, aren’t I?”
“It’s not the same, Sebastian. Everything has changed, you’ve changed, Julia’s even changed…I want to go back to the way things used to be, when we used to play at the waterhole. Before everything got so, complicated and confusing.”
She moved away from me and sat on her bed. I moved to sit right beside her.
“I’m sorry Oli, what can I do to make it better?” She looked at me and I knew that look. I couldn’t help myself, I knew I had a girlfriend and I knew Julia could walk in on us. Oli also meant everything to me.
I grabbed both sides of her face and closed the space between us.
I leaned in and kissed her. At first it started innocently enough, after a couple seconds she parted her mouth and started to move her lips. Her mouth became more demanding wanting me to respond and I gently started to, which earned me a moan from her lips. She tasted like peppermint toothpaste and I couldn’t get enough. Her tongue was smooth and felt like silk.
I started to lean forward. I wanted to feel her body beneath mine. The second I was above her my hand started roaming. It started at her hair, and then traveled down to her face. She was writhing and moaning beneath me, enticing me to go further. My hand moved to the top of her breast and I could feel her nipple hardening. She pushed her breast further into my hand. I immediately stopped and pushed myself off her.
“What’s wrong?” She said out of breath.
“Oli…this is wrong. I have a girlfriend, and if that’s not bad enough Julia could walk in at any second.” I responded.
She put her hand on my chest and shook her head. “I don’t care, I want you, and I won’t say a word to anyone. I promise. We could go somewhere, anywhere.” She tried to lean in to kiss me. I pushed her away and got off the bed.
“What?...No…Oli I would never use you like that. Why would you think I would be okay with throwing you away like you were nothing?”
“I...I…would never think that…I wasn’t suggesting that you would. I just…don’t care how I have you…I just want you. I’ve wanted you since the first day I met you.” She stated getting off the bed to stand in front of me.
“I can’t do this anymore. I can’t pretend that seeing you with that girl doesn’t kill me. I can’t pretend that being around you doesn’t affect me, and I most certainty can’t pretend that I don’t want to be with you. I don’t fucking care Sebastian, just be with me. I know you want to. I can see it in the way you look at me, it’s exactly how you are looking at me right now.”
“Of course…I do. You know I love you Oli, I just never imagined that you would want more. I mean…that’s what you’re saying right? That you want to be with me? That you want us to be together?” I asked. She sighed and moved back over to the bed.
“Yes, Sebastian. Julia would be upset at first, she would get over it. I know she would.”
“She wouldn’t Oli, she would hate us.”
“Sebby, please. I know you love her too…I don’t know in what way you do, I know it’s there.” She hesitated. “I just want to be with you in whatever way that is, you’re the only guy I’ve ever kissed, and I want you to be my first. Can you at least do that for me, Sebby?”
“I don’t think I can, Oli. I can’t be with you, and not really be with you. Do you understand?” Again the quiet, minutes went by with no talking. I willed myself to
look at her and saw tears streaming down her face. It took everything I had not to comfort her.
“I’m sorry.” I said, and turned and walked out of the room.
That afternoon haunts me to this day. I can still see the hurt in her eyes. I rejected her. I let her feel that. I caused that pain. I’m not sure I will ever forgive myself for that.
Chapter 5
I sat with Julia and her parents during a very long, four hours to be precise swim meet. Olivia was good. She was fast. I couldn’t believe how fast she skimmed across the water like a fish. I loved to watch Olivia’s swim meets, but they were they long. I was never so happy to see her win the last event.
“Olivia Matthews, takes first with a 7 second lead coming in at 3 minutes 37 seconds.” Announced the broadcaster. Oli and I still hadn’t fixed things, in reality things became worse. We still tried to put on a normal front for Julia. It didn’t stop Olivia from trying to get what she wanted. Oli was a vixen in her own right.
After the meet, Julia ran off to talk to her friends.
I wanted to go, because I was starving. I had forgotten how long these damn meets ran. I would have brought a snack if I had remembered. I wanted them to hurry and I had already volunteered to drive them home, so that our parents could go out for an adult dinner.
We were stopping off at Pizza Hut for dinner. I was meeting Allie after and she was going to be calling soon. What the hell, was taking Olivia so long? I had watched her teammates leave the locker room ten minutes ago.
“Where are you going, Sebastian?” Julia called, from her group of friends.