away, a few feet to the side, but I could see him staring at us out of the corner of my eye. June crossed her hands over her chest. "What do you want, Cade?"
"You." I don't know if it was seeing Jed talking to her like that, knowing that he wanted her, but I was suddenly filled with total clarity about what I wanted.
"Say what you have to say."
"No," I said. "I want you." It was the really first honest thing I'd said in a long time. I wanted her. I didn't care what it took or what I had to give up to have her. I only knew I wanted her, and not just for right now.
"Well, I don't know if I want you."
"Bullshit," I said. I leaned over, and picked her up, slung her up over the top of my shoulder, carrying her out of the tent.
"Fuck you, Cade," she said. "I swear to God, if you're showing my ass to this entire place -"
"Goddamnit, Cade," she yelled, outside of the tent. She punched me in the back. "Put me down." I set her down on the ground, and she hit me in the chest this time. "What the hell are you doing, carrying me out of there like some kind of fucking caveman?"
"It was too loud in there. I couldn't hear you."
"It was too loud in there? That's your fucking excuse for acting like a complete Neanderthal?" she asked, her voice getting louder.
I heard footsteps behind me. "June, are you okay?" Jed's voice.
She nodded. "Yeah, Jed, I'm fine. Just give me some space."
"You let me know if I need to take care of anything," he said.
"So, what, are you with Jed now?" I glanced back at him, retreating back into the tent.
"What if I were, Cade? It's none of your business, is it?" she asked. "You're the one who's leaving here. You ran out of my house, remember?"
"June, that's not - "
"Save it," she said, anger flashing behind her eyes. "I don't want to hear it. Did you really think I thought you were going to stay here, that we would have some kind of happy ever after? You said it yourself. You're too fucked up for me. You want to wallow in self-pity, think you're too fucked up to be happy, convince yourself that this self-destructive path you're on is the only thing you deserve, it's not my fucking problem."
"June, I -"
She held up her hand. "You're not going to say anything that makes a difference, Cade. It's time to let go. For both of us." She turned to walk away, and I grabbed her arm.
"Let me go, Cade."
"I can't." I just couldn't.
"Let me go." She pulled her arm from my grasp, and started to walk away.
"I can't let you go, June," I said. She stopped, but didn't turn around. Just stood still, motionless.
"I love you," I said. "I've loved you for as long as I can remember. I've loved you since before I knew what it meant to love anyone. Since I was a kid, June."
June turned around, stood still. I couldn't read the expression on her face.
"There's been no one since you, June. No one that matters. It's you. It always has been. I lost you once. I can't lose you again." My voice shook.
There. I said it.
It was everything I had.
I felt naked, standing there before her, waiting for her to open her mouth and just destroy me with her words.
I don't love you.
It's what I was waiting to hear.
"Take me home," she said, her voice so soft I didn't think I heard her.
I reached for her hand, drew her against me, held her against my chest.
Where she belonged.
"Take me home now," she said.
June
We didn't even make it home. I was speeding home, all too eager to get Cade out of his clothes and inside my bed. I didn't know what the hell to make of what he'd said. He was in love with me.
I hadn't said it back.
I didn't know if I could love anyone. Maybe I was just a coward. But a coward with good reason to be afraid. Everyone I loved died.
I couldn't think about it. I couldn't think about anything, hearing him say the words. All I knew was that I wanted him too. I didn't know what was going to happen for us. I just wanted right now.
With all that in my head and my libido in overdrive, when I saw the turn up ahead for the river access road, West Bend's own little lovers lane, I veered off in that direction.
"Remember this?" I asked, as we bumped and bounced down the tiny dirt road.
"How could I forget? I wonder if people even come here anymore."
There was only one other car out in the clearing, and I pulled into the other corner, tucked away. When I turned off the engine, everything was silent.
Cade leaned over and kissed me, and just the touch of his lips to mine sent arousal coursing through me. This man knew how to light me on fire, that was for sure. That didn't mean it was love, though, right?
"Do you think we can fit in the backseat?" I asked. "I mean, you are getting pretty old, and I don't want you to put your back out or something."
"Even when I'm seventy years old, I'll be up for screwing you in the backseat of a car." Cade was already climbing into the backseat.
I laughed, following him, and stumbling all over myself as I tried to squeeze into the back of the car, then finally straddled him on the backseat.
"You really need a van," Cade said.
"Hey," I said. "At least it's something with a roof. We couldn't exactly do this on the back of your bike."
Cade grinned, and opened his mouth, but I stopped him, holding my palm up. "Don't even begin to tell me about whatever girl - or girls - you've screwed on the back of your bike."
"Did I say anything?" Cade asked, burying his head between my breasts, kissing the tops of my mounds.
"Huh-uh," I murmured. "But keep doing what you're doing."
He unhooked my bra and slid down the straps of my dress, taking my breasts, first one and then the other, in his mouth, sending ripples of pleasure through my body. I could feel his hardness through his jeans, pressing against me, and I wanted him now. Cade chuckled as I struggled with the button on his pants, bumping my head on the roof of the car.
"How did we ever used to do this?" he asked.
"We were smaller then," I said, standing in the most awkward position I could imagine as he slid his pants down his legs. I looked down, taking him in, and he smiled.
"Like what you see?" There was that smug half-smile, the cockiness back in full force.
But the heat between my legs was a definite yes.
I bent down to kiss him, wrapping my hand around his cock. I didn't think I could ever get tired of feeling him in my hand. Then he pulled back, a weird look on his face.
"I don't have condoms," he whispered.
Shit.
I stopped, the throbbing between my legs making it hard to think. "Are you clean?"
Cade nodded. "I was just tested."
He was just tested? I must have given him a weird look, because he looked at me with a sheepish expression. "I was at a low point, before I came here. The girls I was with...not the best ever. I wanted to make sure I was okay."
"Oh, hell," I said. "I don't need any more elaboration." Hearing about Cade's poor choices in women was doing to put a real damper on this. "Well, I'm on birth control, and I'm clean."
"So I can -"
"Yep."
"Shit." Cade grinned. If his cock could have gotten any harder right then, I think it would have exploded.
"Here," I whispered. I turned, my back toward him, so I could sit on his lap. I felt his hands on my ass cheeks, his calloused skin rough against me as he smoothed his hands over the surface and down the sides of my legs.
"Stay right there for a second," he said. "I'm admiring the view."
I inhaled sharply as his finger teased my entrance, then slid to my clit. Then he groaned, his hands on my ass, pulling me down and impaling me on him. Riding him, knowing there was no barrier between us now, was like a high. I felt dizzy, drunk on him. From behind me, his hands roamed my body, caressing my breasts, his fi
ngers twirling around my nipples. As I rode him, I could feel myself get closer and closer, and then he pulled my hair at the base of my head, drawing my head back toward him and kissing me on the neck.
"Fuck, June," he whispered, his hot breath in my ear. "I fucking love the way you feel."
It pushed me over the edge. "Cade, I'm going to come," I warned, and then it overtook me, washing over me like a tidal wave, and triggering Cade's warm release.
Afterward, Cade pulled me back tight against him, wrapping his arms around me. "I meant every word I said tonight. I am in love with you, June."
I didn't say it back. I wasn't ready.
I just didn't have the balls to say it.
So I didn't say anything, and Cade seemed okay with it, content enough with holding me.
"Do you think your dad is having us all together for dinner tonight because we got together or something?" I asked, as we walked up the front porch.
Cade smiled. "Honestly? Yeah, probably. He's your biggest fan, so..."
I laughed. "He does seem to like the idea of us together."
"That's an understatement," Cade said. "Hey there, little girl!" He reached out as MacKenzie came barreling toward him, a tiny bundle of energy.
"We're making cookies, and I'm helping!"
"Is that right?" Cade asked. "Did you leave me any?"
MacKenzie shook her head. "Nope. I ate them all."
"What?" Cade carried her into the kitchen. "Are you a cookie monster?"
She giggled. "No, you're a cookie monster!"
I smiled as I listened to them go back and forth.
"Hey June!" April waved from the kitchen.
"Let me put you to work, June," Stan greeted me, handing me a stack of plates. "Go ahead and put these on the table for me." Then, as I was busying myself with the task, he called. "Oh, and it's good to see you."
The house was controlled chaos, and stayed that way throughout dinner and then afterward, until MacKenzie finally fell asleep in April's arms, sitting in the rocking chair on the front porch. We sat outside, mostly silent, and sitting there beside Cade, I felt content. Calm.
I watched as Crunch stood and kissed the top of his wife's head, and she gave him this look that was so...in love with him. I was filled with a sudden sense of longing, wanting that sense of family.
Cade noticed me watching them, and reached for my hand, squeezing it. "It's nice, huh?" he asked.
I nodded. I couldn't really put it into words. It was beyond nice.
A few minutes later, I was in the kitchen helping Stan clean up. The room was quiet, everyone momentarily gone doing other things.
"June," Stan said. "You and Cade..." He ran a dishtowel over the surface of a bowl he'd just washed.
"Yes." It still sounded foreign to my ears. Me and Cade.
"He's good with you," he said.
He was, wasn't he?
Stan stopped what he was doing, turned toward me. "Be careful with him," he said.
"What do you mean?" Was he trying to warn me off of him now?
"He's loves you. It's always been about you. Just..." Stan's voice trailed off. "Just promise me you'll take care with him."
"I wouldn't do anything to hurt him, Stan."
Stan nodded, his expression thoughtful. "I know you won't, June."
"Of course, Stan." I was about to say something else, but Cade walked into the kitchen, sliding his arm around my waist.
"What are the two of you whispering about?"
"Nothing," Stan said. "Now, you kids get out of here and leave me in peace to clean up. You're cluttering up my kitchen."
"I'm happy to help finish," I started, but Stan waved at me with his dish towel.
"Get on out of here," he said.
I kissed him on the cheek before we left. "I'll take care of him, Stan. I promise."
Axe
"Shit, man," Crunch said. "I've never seen you like this."
"What?" I asked. I whistled, scooping up his plate and setting it in the sink, then wiping the counters in my dad's kitchen. "I've got no idea what you're talking about. I might as well clean up in here, while dad's out feeding the horses."
"All this," Crunch said, gesturing. "All this happy shit. I'm not complaining, you know. It's nice to not see you moping around, looking like death."
"Thanks."
"Why are you over here, anyway?" Crunch asked. "Shouldn't you be over at June's?"
"She's going to help my dad out, ride up to the ridge on Missy, check the salt licks and fence line," I said. "It's a good excuse for you and me to go into town."
"What do we need to go in to town for?" Crunch asked, distracted by his laptop. He didn't wait for me to answer, but looked up from the computer right away. "Hey. I got an email from Blaze. They're flying out of Vietnam."
"Okay."
"Do you know what you're going to do?"
What was I going to do? I hadn't exactly thought through a plan when I'd told June I loved her. All I knew is that I wanted to be with her. But that didn't change any of the club shit.
"We talked about it before, Crunch." I sat down across from him at the table. "Leaving the club."
He nodded. "Is that what you want to do?"
"I don't know," I said. "I'd do it for her, though. We could finally give it a real go. They think we're dead, you know? Maybe this really could be a new start for us."
He nodded. "I've thought about it too, long and hard. I considered going back to Puerto Rico, taking April and MacKenzie back to April's family. Starting over again."
"But..." I said.
"But they killed Tank," Crunch said. "They need to pay for that."
Never leave a fallen man behind.
We had left Tank behind.
We had to fix it, make it right. June would understand. I'd come back for her when it was all over.