"That girl loves you," he interrupted. "And you love her. I've seen the way you two have looked at each other since you got back here. You might not care to admit it, but it's true. The two of you have loved each other since you were kids."
"She doesn't need me. She doesn't need my shit," I said. Trying to convince myself.
He shook his head. "No, she doesn't need your bullshit. But the rest of it, well, June's a big girl, and she can handle herself."
"I'm leaving here anyway. Crunch and I can't stay. And June - there's just no point, dad."
"You tell yourself what you want. You want to continue intent on self-destruction, well, it pains me to see it, but I won't stop you. But at least be honest with yourself about what you're doing. You walk away from her, it's not about protecting her. It's about protecting yourself." My dad turned, heading toward the barn door. "Make sure you get that stall in the corner. Crunch is up in the house. I'm going to go put together some lunch."
I watched him walk away.
That girl loves you.
Maybe that was true, but love wasn't really enough. Life wasn't a fucking fairy tale, and sometimes, love didn't really conquer all.
Crunch looked up from his computer when I came inside, a smug smile on his face. "You've been gone a while, Axe," he said.
"I don't want to hear about it."
He grinned, not realizing how irritated I already was. "April and I had a bet on how long it would take for the two of you to get together."
"Christ, I don't want to hear about this right now. I'm going to take a shower. I stink to high heaven after mucking out those stalls."
Crunch laughed. "I got ahold of Blaze," he said.
I stopped. "You talked to him?"
He shook his head. "Not on the phone. Emailed him."
"Is that safe?"
He cocked his head to the side, giving me his most patronizing look. "You're going to ask me whether I know what I'm doing, contacting someone securely through email?"
"Fine, whatever. It's secure. What's the deal?"
"They're in Vietnam right now. They'll head back to Cali. It won't be for a few days."
"They're not going to the clubhouse."
He shook his head. "Come on, man. Give them some credit. I assume they'll lie low at Benicio's. It would make the most sense. I didn't ask."
"Okay," I said. "Good to know."
So we'd need to hit the road in a couple days. If I needed a good reason to stop what was going on with June, it just got handed to me on a silver platter.
"You're all coming to the birthday tomorrow night," my dad said. "Pass those peas over here." He took the bowl in his hands, spooning vegetables onto his plate.
"Yay! I love birthdays!" MacKenzie yelled.
"Mac," April said. "Use your inside voice so we don't all lose our hearing in here."
"Don't you even worry about that, Mac," my father said. "I'm half deaf already. Yell all you want. It doesn't bother me one bit."
MacKenzie squealed her approval, and April gave my father a mock look of exasperation. "You're letting her get away with murder, here, Stan."
My dad shrugged. "It's nice to have noise around here," he said. "It's been too quiet in this house for far too long."
"What's this about a birthday?" Crunch asked.
"It's the town birthday," I said. "It's no big deal, and we're not going down there, dad."
"No big deal?" my father asked. "It's only the biggest celebration in West Bend every year."
I laughed. "Yeah, it's the only celebration in West Bend," I said. "But it's just a regular country fair. If you've seen one, you've seen them all."
"But I want to go to the fair!" MacKenzie said.
"Dad..." I warned, tossing him a dirty look. "It's not a great idea."
"Well, it wouldn't be the worst thing," Crunch said. "I mean, we know that no one's looking for us."
"We don't know that for sure," I said. All I could think about was how much I didn't want to see June there. If we could keep our heads down and get out of here, it would be better for everyone.
"I think we can be reasonably sure of it," Crunch said. "I'm still keeping tabs on everything."
"I just don't understand all that technology stuff, you typing away on the computer, how you can track all that," my dad said.
"Well, it's complicated but I can try to -"
I cut him off, before he even got started. "We don't need a lesson in your tech shi - uh, tech stuff, Crunch. Dad, we're not going to the town birthday."
"I'd like to go," Crunch said. I glared at him, my eyes wide.
"What?" he asked. "I would. We've been lying low now, there's no sign of problems with the club. It's not like we're going to roll up there riding the bikes and wearing colors. We'll blend in, lie low."
"It's not a good idea." I cut off a bite of pork chop, popped it into my mouth.
"I think it would be fine," Crunch said. "Besides, I'm sure the whole town will be there. June too."
I took a deep breath. "Then you and dad go."
"Suit yourself," my dad said. "Crunch and I will go down tomorrow night, take the truck. Probably for the best anyway. No sense in you getting all riled up when you see June with someone else."
I sighed. My dad could be a manipulative asshole when he wanted to be. Still, I couldn't help but ask anyway. "With who?"
Dad shrugged, stood up. "I don't know," he said. "June's a smart lady, good catch. But I'm sure she doesn't like the idea of being with the town sheriff anyhow." He stood up, pushed away from the table. "I've got an apple pie in the oven if you want some. Anyone?"
"You know it," Crunch said, patting his belly. He smiled broadly at me, the shit.
"I want pie!" MacKenzie screamed. "And I want to go to the fair! Can we go, mommy?"
April nodded. "We definitely can go," she said, squeezing Crunch's arm. "It'll be good, spending time together as a family."
My dad was being completely manipulative, suggesting June would go to the town birthday with someone else, especially when it had been a town tradition for years. Which meant that it had been me and June's tradition too. It was a transparent attempt to make me jealous, incite me to go to the fair.
And it had worked.
The One Hundred and Forty Seventh West Bend Birthday Bash was nearly the same as the way I'd remembered the earlier versions, the main road through the middle of town blocked off to traffic and crowded with people. Lights were strung from one side of the road to the other, crisscrossing and anchored to the historic buildings, lending a romantic vibe to the historic town. Vendors lined the edges of the street, selling handmade crafts and local food. All of that was just like any other country fair. It was the huge white tent in the grassy lot beside the old Baptist church, housing the band and dance floor, that held the memories for me.
"Are there rides?" MacKenzie jumped up and down, pulling on the sleeve of April's shirt. "Can we do rides? Can we?"
"Yes, yes, yes!" April said, scooping Mac up in her arms. "But let's let Mr. Austin show us around a little bit first, okay? This is really nice, Stan."
"Cade used to love it, growing up," my dad said. "Of course, it didn't used to be crowded like this, either. Now you've got people from the bigger towns coming in, tourists too. Not just locals anymore."
When we were kids, the town celebration was all about the carnival rides. In high school, it was all about coming here to dance under the huge open tent, an excuse to hang out and flirt with girls. For me, though, it was always about being here with June, slow-dancing in the summer evening, her body pressed up against mine.
I had no desire to go inside. It wasn't the same, being here without June. I wanted to go tell her I'd been wrong, that more than anything, I wanted to be with her. But that wasn't good for her.
"No, I don't want to go dance," MacKenzie said, beside me, her nose wrinkled. "Where are the rides?"
"We should go on rides," I agreed. "I think there must be some around here somewhere."
It was a while before we'd exhausted MacKenzie enough on rides for my dad to pull us back toward the tent, where the adults tended to congregate. He craned his neck, trying to see around the crowds. "Cade," he said. "You remember Mr. Hendricks, your old shop teacher? He wants to say hi. I told him I'd bring you by. And a couple guys from down at the VFW want to say hello."
"Dad," I said. "No VFW stuff, no socializing. We're not meeting up with everyone in town. We're trying to stay low." It had been over the top when I'd come back here, after I'd gotten the Silver Star. I didn't need a big production being made again. Especially now, under these circumstances.
I knew it was a bad idea, coming here.
"It's a couple people. I'll find them, bring them over quietly," dad said. "I'll be back." He ducked inside the tent and disappeared.
"Mommy," MacKenzie whined. "I don't want to go in there. Just one more time in the bounce house?"
"Only if daddy says it's okay," April said.
"Please," Crunch said, turning toward me. "Please, don't make me do the bounce house again. Let me go where there's beer."
I sighed. "Fine. Let's go in."
"Oh, I see how it is," April protested. "Now I'm stuck with the bounce house and the screaming kids?"
"You mind, babe?" Crunch asked.
"No, you boys go," she said. "I'll just be outside with the hordes of children hopped up on cotton candy."
"Yay! We can have cotton candy, too!" MacKenzie grabbed April's hand and pulled her toward the rides.
Crunch looked up at the tent. "You're gonna show off your dance moves, right?"
"Fuck you, man," I said.
No sooner than we were inside, did I hear, "Well, as I live and breathe. If it isn't Cade Austin." I turned to see - oh, what the hell was her name, anyway? Meghan. No, it was another M- name. Melanie, that was it. Nothing like forgetting a girl you once hooked up with. She approached us, hips swaying, tits barely squeezed into her top, teetering on heels too high for a country dance. Sauntering toward us like she owned the place.
"Melanie," I said. "How are you?" I looked behind her, scanning the crowds. Looking for June, not sure if I wanted to find her or know where she was so I could avoid her.
"You're a sight for sore eyes, Cade," she said, putting her hand on my forearm. I flinched at her touch.
Crunch raised his eyebrows. "Hi."
Melanie took a sip from her plastic cup, and I could smell the alcohol. She looked Crunch up and down, then dismissed him, turning her attention back toward me. "You're looking good, Cade."
"Thanks, Melanie." You too would have probably been the polite thing to say, but, let's face it, I didn't want to encourage her any more than the alcohol was already doing.
"Do you know that Cade and I used to date in high school?" Melanie asked Crunch, slurring her words. She wobbled on her feet, and I caught her by the arm. She stumbled forward a little, put her hand on my chest.
"Oh, did you?" Crunch asked, smiling at me. I glared back at him and shook my head "no". The last thing in the world I wanted right now was drunk Melanie hanging all over me.
"Did you just say no, Cade Austin?" she asked, slapping me playfully on the chest. "Being all coy doesn't suit you. We dated right before he went off and joined the Marines."
Dated was a loose term for what we had, I thought. We screwed a few times, senior year, after June had left. I was a horny high school football player, and she was the head cheerleader.
"And he always came back and saw me, when he was home on leave, didn't you, Cade?"
I guess I fucked her a few times after that, too.
"Haven't heard from you in a while, though, Cade. People say that you're a biker now." She leaned in close, her breath hot on my ear. I only felt revulsion. I wanted to push her away from me, but causing a scene was exactly the opposite of laying low. And if there was one thing Melanie had always been good at, it was causing a fucking scene.
"Crunch and I were on our way to talk to some of dad's friends, Melanie."
"Crunch," she said. "Is that your biker name? You know I love a bad boy, Cade." She leaned in close, ran her tongue along the edge of my earlobe.
I jerked away. "You're drunk, Melanie. And I'm not interested." I pushed her back, away from me.
And looked up to see June, ten or so feet away, stopped in her tracks, just staring at us. Looking fucking amazing in a white sundress, her hair swept up in a ponytail.
Damn it.
I watched her turn on her heel, duck behind a cluster of people, and then I was just pissed off. "I said, I'm not interested, Melanie. Get the fuck out of here."
"You're such an asshole, Cade Austin," she said, stumbling back on her heels. "You always were."
"Shit," I said. "This wasn't a good idea, coming here. I told you that."
"We can go back to the house," Crunch said.
"Fuck that. I need a drink." I started toward the bar, then stopped. "Well? Are you coming or not?"
Crunch trailed behind me. "Why don't we just go home, man?"
Now I was already spun up. I needed something to take the edge off. "Whatever you have in the keg." I tossed some cash on the makeshift bar, and the bartender handed me a cup. I swallowed a few gulps, exhaling at the soothing feeling as the alcohol slid down my throat.
"Fuck it," I said. "I'm not going home."
"Let's just go," he said. He looked across the room, then back at me, and I turned, following his gaze. There was June, talking to Jed.
"Axe," Crunch warned, his voice low.
The blood rushed to my head and I could feel my heartbeat in my ears. I watched her smile at him, and I could feel myself start to lose it. No way was that douchebag cop going to look at June like that.
"Axe, don't do anything stupid."
I swallowed the other half of my beer and watched June laugh, her ponytail swinging as she moved.
Fuck that.
"Axe." I heard Crunch call me, but I didn't give a shit. I pushed through the people on the dance floor.
"Excuse you," a woman said as I moved her to the side.
"How are you, Cade?" Jed asked, his voice overly pleasant. Even standing there in his jeans and a polo shirt, he still looked like a cop. He had always been an arrogant little prick, even in high school. And he'd always had a thing for June.
I ignored him. If I talked to him, I was going to hit him, and that wasn't exactly good for laying low. "June," I said.
"I'm busy, Cade," she said. "And you smell like beer."
"Come with me," I said, my eyes trained on hers.
"I'm said I was busy." But she turned around, toward me. Away from Jed.
From behind her, Jed said, "You heard what June said, Cade. She's busy. Now, you need to leave here before you do something that gets you arrested for harassment."
I could hear him talking, but his voice faded into the background, mixed together with the cacophony of sounds, the music and the voices underneath the tent. June was in front of me, looking up at me. I couldn't think of anything else except her.
"Just a minute, Jed," June said. Jed glared at me, and walked