Shyness heated me, but the brimstone on Elder’s face reminded me how much he’d burned for me last night. How, no matter my insecurities, he wanted me. He wanted me to touch him, fuck him. He wanted it so much, but he couldn’t do it himself.
I grew wet looking at him, knowing if I wanted him inside me, it would be me who had to do it. I’d have to take him. There would be no denying that I chose to have sex, not gave it.
I hated the responsibility that layered me with. I’d hoped I could lay back and let him work his magic like last night. That I’d succumb and swim in sensations he caused rather than be the one composing whatever strange song we’d sing.
“Get on the bed, Pim.”
I leapt at his instruction, grateful for it, hungry for it. I hoped he could see this would be a lot easier for me if he gave me his voice to hold.
His lips tilted into a half smirk as I obeyed, sitting on my knees on the mattress like any obedient pet. My naked thigh touching his. My skin heating because of his.
His throat worked as he swallowed; his voice roguish and full of challenge. “I’m not going to direct you through every part of this. You have to be the one in control. Otherwise, it negates what I’m trying to do.”
“What are you trying to do?”
“Save us from a lifetime of misery.”
My heart lurched at the thought of a lifetime with Elder. Not of misery but happiness. Hadn’t we had enough misery in our lives?
But how could we have a lifetime together if he kept his promise that tonight would be our last? How could I spend two years with a man who’d abused me and made me wish for death, only to find another man who made me beg for pleasure then denied me?
What sort of cruel joke was the world playing?
“Stop thinking.” Elder shifted on the bed, his cock bouncing as he rearranged. “I didn’t make you undress. I didn’t force you to bind me. Yet you did both those things. Turn off your mind, little mouse, and give in…because you already have.”
I couldn’t look away. I had to keep staring. His lips. His jaw. His chest.
He breathed faster as my gaze drifted down his front and locked onto his thick cock.
“Touch it.”
My head shot up. “But I thought you said you wouldn’t guide me—”
“Fucking forget what I said. When you stare at it that way, you make me goddamn insane.” He tested the ropes again, yanking on the spindles. “Do it.” He arched his back, his neck straining against the pillows. “Please, fucking touch it.” It wasn’t a beg but a growled bark.
My hand shot forward.
I touched it.
He groaned long and low as I cupped his overheated flesh. How odd to think this was the first time I’d been allowed to just hold rather than suck or present myself for their choosing.
I’d never studied the veins and complexities. Never run my thumb over the crown and noted the texture of smooth skin to utmost velvet.
Elder’s thighs turned to rock as my fingers captured him, stroking, squeezing, learning. He bit his lip, his nostrils wide and eyes clamped shut.
I hated that I caused him discomfort all while unwilling to let him go. I might not be good at preliminary touching, but I was a master at oral.
Straddling him, I forced myself to be brave and pulled my hair to one side. Draping it over his hip, I lowered my mouth over him.
The second my lips touched his tip, he bucked. “Holy fuck.”
The echoing shock and throbbing need in his tone infected me, granting me the courage to keep going. I’d tasted him once before, but he’d stopped me. He’d called me a whore.
My back prickled with bad memories.
He might’ve stopped me previously, but he couldn’t stop me now.
I sank down his length, swallowing him deep.
The bed shook as he fought the knots I’d wrapped him in. “Pim…stop. This isn’t for—” He strangled on the last word as I sucked him hard, corkscrewing my hand down his length.
Something happened.
The usual disgust and shame I suffered when performing such a sex act were eerily vacant. Instead of my heart shutting down and my mind turning numb, I found heat bubbling in my blood. My hips widened over his legs to sink deeper. My jaw loosened over his cock to suck harder.
To Elder, it might seem as though I gave him a gift.
To me…I wholeheartedly claimed him.
I took his breathlessness, his straining. I stole his twitches and grunts. I relished in the power cloaking me.
This wasn’t for him.
This was for me.
And I had no intention of stopping.
My tongue swirled, mouth watered; Elder grew impossibly harder between my lips. My fingers drifted lower to the twin balls drawn tight and hot.