It was just us.
Just me to fix this.
I chased her to the threshold but stopped, bracing myself against the door as she ran down the corridor. “It’s for me.”
She didn’t hear, too intent on escape and the elevators.
I hated her for making me shout, but I did because if I never saw her again, I didn’t want her cataloguing me as yet another monster from her past. “It’s for me, Pim.”
Her feet slammed to a stop, twirling her around with untamed hair and blotchy-terror filled skin. “Wh-what?”
I sighed, hating her all the more. “I won’t do this unless you restrain me.”
She dashed at tears sticking to her cheeks. “I-I don’t understand.”
My fingernails dug into the doorjamb as if I could shred it into pieces. She wouldn’t understand because she hadn’t fully comprehended the man she lived with. The man she’d given her trust to.
I deserved her trust, even if many people would disagree. And I wouldn’t ruin that trust by proving I was a liar.
“I fucked you last time. I took from you.” I hung my head, drained beyond belief, and we hadn’t even kissed yet. “I can’t do that again.”
She took a step toward me. “What are you saying?”
“I’m saying if you want this, you have to take from me.”
When she didn’t move, I added, “It’s the only way I’ll do this, Pim. Tie me up, use me however you want. Find your pleasure through whatever means necessary. I’ll be with you every step. I’ll talk to you. I’ll command you. But I won’t physically touch you.” I sighed. “And once we’re through, that’s it. No more. I’m not messing around. I’m not making up stupid rules for the sake of making this harder than it already is. It’s this way or no way. Your call.”
Backing into the room, I pushed the door wider in welcome. “Fuck me or don’t, little mouse. But understand that there can only ever be tonight. I won’t be responsible for what will happen if I break that vow.”
Ducking to grab a fallen piece of rope, I held it up, my skin already crawling and my cock already throbbing at the thought of her being utterly in control.
That was my loop-hole.
Last time, I’d been in control.
This time, she would be.
A single time in both dimensions.
A first time, not a repeat.
And then it would be done.
My free passes redeemed and no more to use.
I’d made the mistake of believing I could control myself around my family, around the hobbies I’d loved and the crime I fell into.
Each time, I’d been wrong.
Each time, I’d fucked up.
I’d finally learned my lesson, and I wouldn’t let it happen again.
I’d fallen into my obsession too deep, too fast, and I’d been the reason my father and brother were killed.
I wouldn’t be the reason for any more death or hurting.
Tonight was the only night Pim and I could be together. And then, once she’d claimed her body and used me however she pleased, I would tell her about her mother.
I would sail her to England.
I would set Phantom on a course and travel far, far away from her.
I would hunt the Chinmoku and forget about this entire fucking disaster.
For her sake.
And for mine.
Giving her a sad smile, I beckoned her to come back to me. Begged her. Promised her. “Your choice, Pim. Yes or no.”
Chapter Thirty
______________________________
Pim
I TRADED CORRIDOR for hotel room.
What the hell am I doing?
I padded behind a man I thought was invincible but had revealed his mortal flaw.
What the hell am I thinking?
I followed him as he moved toward the bed, and, without a word, pulled his t-shirt over his head. Unbuckling his jeans and stepping out of the denim and boxer-briefs, he was just as regal, just as proud, just as majestic as he had been that night he’d jumped overboard for a midnight swim.
I shouldn’t do this.
Naked, Elder pulled the covers back and bunched them at the bottom of the bed. Sitting on the mattress, he swung his long legs to horizontal, and with a pained look, lay down.
I should leave.
With a clenched jaw, he held up a black rope, shiny with quality and soft as silk. He didn’t give me commandments on what he wanted me to do. He merely draped it over his inked belly, arched his arms above his head, and clasped his fingers around the spindles of the French baroque four-poster bed.
Don’t you dare, Pim.
I ignored my jumpy terror and rapid winged heartbeat. My body had become a fortress—expecting the worst kind of things the moment Elder had revealed the bondage, erecting turrets and gun posts. I was ready to run and fight and maim.
But that was before he turned everything I knew into an opposite.
He would be bound.
Not me.
He would be at mercy.
Not me.
What does that mean?
I couldn’t understand.
I’d always been the one taken from. I had no concept of how sex would work with the male granting all control.