She wasn’t just asking me to sleep with her. She was asking me to keep falling when I’d had no intention of ever tripping.
For my own sanity, I needed to stop this.
But how could I, knowing the life she’d lived?
How could I say no even knowing how empty I’d be the moment I told her about her mother and took her home?
“El…”
That nickname again…and just like I’d suspected, I didn’t mind it nearly as much when she used it.
“Pim.” I bit her name into fragments, my voice octaves lower than normal, borderline beast.
“Can…can I kiss you?” She looked up at me through eyelashes that didn’t need mascara or shadow to make her the prettiest, sexiest fucking creature I’d ever seen.
I balled my hands.
No.
Get away from me.
I nodded stiffly.
She came closer, but I didn’t bend for her to reach my mouth. I didn’t buckle when her hands landed on my chest in a questing plea for me to do the kissing, to take charge.
Christ, Pim…don’t you know what you’re asking of me?
The calamity just waiting to unfurl slammed into me.
Threes and itches and pandemonium.
I shot back, dragging both hands over my face. “I can’t do this.”
She froze, agony and rejection shawling her. “Oh…” Breath by breath, she shut down until no hopeful light remained in her eyes. I hated every second of it, but I meant what I said. I would stand by it once and for all.
I could have something once.
That was my rule.
My one strict and fast rule.
I’d already broken it and had her twice.
But there is another way…
I wished I hadn’t gone to the house on the hill. I wished I hadn’t found the blasphemous mess, or foreseen how this night would go. I wished I hadn’t brought something that would give me another chance at granting Pim what she wanted, while somehow tricking my mind into believing my laws hadn’t been broken.
Tearing my eyes from her, my heart seized for how I’d hurt her already. I glanced at the bamboo box condemning me on the bedside table.
Pim followed my attention, a question landing on her features. Before she could ask, I strode toward the box, unlocked it with the tiny key beside it, and pulled out the secrets inside.
Keeping them hidden behind my back, I moved toward her. “I’ll kiss you…under one condition.”
She wrapped her arms around herself, already preparing for the worst. “What condition?”
I wasn’t ready to show her. “We’ll have sex tonight…if you obey.”
Her lips pursed at the wording I’d chosen.
Not I’d fuck her or make love to her. We’d have sex. She would have to be an active participant. I wouldn’t be the one doing the taking like last time…because that one-time pass had been used.
However, there was a loop-hole in my law.
A crazy concept and not backed by rational response but would hopefully keep me sane.
“How do I have to obey?” She arched her neck, doing her best to see around me. “What are you hiding?”
It was now or never.
Bringing my arms forward, I revealed what I’d taken from my home.
The clink of chains and whisper of silk ropes cascaded from my palms. “This is my condition.”
Her mouth dropped open, terror springing bright and stark. She backpedalled so fast she tripped, landing on her ass. She didn’t make a sound even as she landed awkwardly, once again silent as the mouse I’d stolen.
Instinct made me dart toward her. I grabbed her with my hands full of bondage, hoisting her to her feet. “Are you hurt?”
“Don’t touch me!” She shoved me away, her face wild and white. “You—you want to tie me up? You want to hurt me? Like him?” Tears welled in her eyes, becoming a mirror where I saw myself, saw how unhinged I’d already become, how desperate for her to understand.
“No.” I shook my head. “Never.”
She didn’t hear me. “You want to strap me? Imprison me? What was this? A sick joke? All this time, you let me believe that you were different. That you weren’t going to hurt me—”
I was many things, but I wasn’t tolerant when it came to being called a liar or a sadist. “I am different. I’m not going to hurt you.”
“Liar!” She darted to the door, her hands fumbling with the lock and chain she herself had put on once room service had left so we wouldn’t be disturbed. “I can’t believe I thought you were different.”
“Pim…”
The chain fell away. The heavy lock clicking open under her terrified fingers. “No! Get away from me!”
Clutching the ropes, I stormed after her. “Pim. Listen to me.”
“No! Let me out of here.” She bolted out the door, barefoot and manic. No guards stood outside to witness our dispute. No Selix to yank Pim away from me because he would see the fucking mess I was in already. He wouldn’t let her ruin me further.