The moment Lance’s contact ended, and my hand was my own again, I clutched my middle and breathed.
It’s fine.
It’s fine.
You’re fine.
Ragged inhales rattled in my chest.
Bill muttered, “I have a sister who has panic attacks. Recognised the symptoms.”
I looked up beneath my curtain of fallen hair. His face held shadows of concern and understanding.
His sweetness stopped the spiral into darkness, and I hugged myself harder to return back to living.
I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t deal with the quagmire of embarrassment threatening to tug me into the floor.
God, I thought I was stronger than this.
That Elder had cured me of the evil infections of my past. Turned out, he’d only reprogramed me to want his touch rather than abhor it while I still feared everyone else.
No wonder he no longer wanted that responsibility.
No wonder he wanted to be free of me when I was so clingy and helpless.
I’d believed I was on my way to being repaired…I still had so much more to go.
One of the men’s cell-phones rang, shattering the strange silence. My breathing evened out, and my diaphragm no longer tried to suffocate me.
Bill pulled a phone from his blazer breast pocket and answered. “Yes, sir?”
Silence as the caller spoke.
“Sure thing.” Bill passed the phone to me. “It’s for you.”
I raised an eyebrow, taking it hesitantly. My hand shook. The cell vibrated against my ear. I didn’t say hello, but it didn’t matter. Elder’s warm syrup-rough voice filled my head, cancelling out the past few seconds, giving me a life raft full of cosy cushions and warm blankets. “Pim? Look, I’m sorry, but I’m going to be a little later than I thought. You didn’t answer the hotel phone, so I’m guessing you’ve left.” He chuckled. “I had a bet with myself to see how long it would take for you to explore.”
I cleared my throat, hoping he didn’t hear the weakness I’d just suffered. “You knew I’d attempt to leave?”
“I’d be disappointed if you hadn’t.”
“Oh.”
“My only request is to let my staff follow you. It’s not to keep you trapped; you’re free to go wherever you want. It’s only to give me peace of mind knowing you’re protected even while I can’t be there.”
He hadn’t said for my peace of mind. He didn’t demean me by saying the guards were there because he didn’t think I had what it took to enter the normal world without a chaperone.
I didn’t know why that meant so much to me—that he believed I was stronger than I truly was.
I know why.
It was because I wanted things from Elder, and for some reason, I knew he wouldn’t give them to me if he wasn’t sure I could handle them. He had issues he wasn’t fully disclosing—issues I wanted to understand because the more time I spent with him, the more times we touched, the more times we kissed, the more I was drawn to him.
I was using him to find myself.
I was sexually and emotionally drawn to Elder, and I couldn’t let him end it.
Not yet.
“Thank you for thinking about me.” I turned my back on the staff, even though they’d politely moved away and pretended not to listen. “Can I go for a walk?”
“Why are you asking me?”
Because I’m conditioned to believe my own wants don’t matter.
“I’m sorry.” I sucked at this. I’d failed my first test at being normal.
Elder’s voice drifted to a languid purr. “Do you have two feet?”
“Yes…”
“Do you have two eyes?”
“You know I do.”
“Well then, go use them. Use your feet to explore and your eyes to watch. Don’t return to the hotel until you’ve seen everything there is to see and your feet ache.” He laughed under his breath. “If you need rules and boundaries, there you go. You have them. Obey me.”
I smiled, my body melting at the complexities of this man. I’d judged him so wrong. I had so much to repay him for. If I had money, I’d buy him a gift.
You do have money…the origami cash he gave you.
Elder interrupted my imaginings of shopping for him, of buying him something that would hopelessly convey the gratitude I had for him.
“Oh, one other thing, Pim.”
My heart skipped. “Yes?”
“Your tasks are still on-going. I expect you to pickpocket me something. It doesn’t have to be big; it doesn’t have to be of value. But I want something that started off someone else’s and ended up yours. Do you understand?”
I glanced over my shoulder at the guards. “You want me to steal? In full view of your staff?”
His chuckle was pure masculine challenge. “If you’re any good, they won’t see you.”
“I don’t like stealing. You know that.”
“Too bad. I don’t like feeling this way, but I have no power to stop it. Fair’s fair.”
I sucked in a breath, goosebumps scattering over my skin.